Leave the door open

In between

Soonyoung lost track on how many times he played Jihoon's acoustic version of Hold me tight on his phone. It was recorded years ago and his feelings everytime he watch it still the same. He love this guy. He love him so much and he can't live without him. But this guy slowly removing his fingers holding onto him, and he don't know until when he can fight. He is afraid to lose him, but he is afraid to be alone with this battle. He want him, he need him and he knew he feel the same but why can't he just take him back? Don't they deserve to be happy? Is it because he's still not worth him? He don't know how many times he belittle himself beside Jihoon. He keeps working hard to be worth of him but it feels like he's never enough. He will never enough. Is that it? Is it the reason why they can't be together? Soonyoung let the tears race down to his face while watching the clip. His body is already stiff for keeping the same position for hours but he don't have enough strenght to move. He doesn't want to move.

He's so stuttered when the door fly open and reveal Cheol, he didn't even bother to knock but it has been a usual thing with them in this dorm. Letting him enter his room, he stayed with his position. His arms serve as his pillow, other hand holding his phone and tears falling along with his snot. He don't care how messed he look, he just want to pour everything until he get numb. Maybe in that way, he will be able to return to his old self and decide to just let go and leave everything behind. Just like how Jihoon been doing for the past two years.

"Are you sick? The managers are worried." Cheol take the leisure to occupy one of the swivel chair on his room. His small table with a keyboard whenever he feel like composing something is the only thing that can be seen in his room. He hates technology, aside from his phone that the only thing he know how to use.

Soonyoung did not answer. Facing his back to Cheol, the video on his phone stops. It is where Jihoon smile at the camera saying goodbye and ending the video. That smile that once his was gone now. He can't still accept that. He is not the Jihoon that want him for his life. "Soonyoung..." Cheol call him once again.

"I said I will let go of the promise." he said not answering Cheol's question. He actually not talking to him directly. "But I can't. Why can't I?" Another set of tears fall down from his face like there will be a prize whoever reaches the bottom first. When he did not hear Cheol's answer, he continue. "If I just throw my pride away two years ago, maybe... maybe he is still mine. Maybe I don't need to suffer like this." he just burst out crying. His heart is full of pain that he can't even say everything out loud. "Hyung, I can't live without him." spring up from lying down, Soonyoung face Cheol. Face covered with tear he didn't bother to wipe. Cheol saw him at his lowest and this is not the first time.

"Then, go back to him." Cheol answered matter-of-factly. Leaning on the chair not minding how mess he look.

"He don't want me back."

"Then, move on."

"I can't. You know, I can't."

Sighing deeply, Cheol stand up and rub the back of his nape. He is like a Dad trying to calm his son and help him decide wether to eat chocolate while he is suffering from toothache. "Look, you only have two option here, go back to him or move on. There's no in between." patting his head. Seungcheol decide to leave, before closing the door, he says "You've been stuck there for years already. Both of you deserve to be happy. Maybe that happiness is not with each other anymore. Let go of him. He don't want you back, then move on. That's the thing you supposedly do years ago but you decided to stay. It's not Jihoon's fault. And maybe, just maybe you were also holding him for finding his own happiness. You were still the most important person to him. You were still his Soonyoung. Seeing you stuck with him make him feel responsible but not enough to take you back. Both of you, you deserve to be happy. Don't hold back of each other. Just...let go." Cheol closes the door silently. He is still absorbing what he just heard. He realize something but his heart want to shoved it away. He can't let go of Jihoon. He love him but what if, he is also holding him back?