As long as you care

lost

I walked across the road, my head spinning. Does he care about me at all? Has he come to find me? Who cares. His family must have known something. I couldn't believe it. How could they do this to me? I sat down at the park bench, years falling downy face, and look at my phone. 8:30pm. I look up to see a girl and a guy on their  way somewhere. The girl looks at me. "Hey, you seem sad. Do you wanna come to a party with us?" I smile and wipe my face, nodding.

As we walked, the couple spoke quietly amongst themselves, looking back and trying to engage me in conversation, but  I was busy in my thoughts, and I couldn't focus on what they were saying. As we walk up to this massive house, with music pumping, I look up and take in my surroundings. I walked into the house, and people were dancing and drinking the night away. "Who's this?" I look up to see a group of people looking at me, the couple included. "Oh this is a friend." I look at the girl from the couple and she smiles at me. "Hey, I'm Y/n." Everyone said hi, and went back to doing their own thing. A group of girls waved me over, and I started to make my way over. "Do you want a drink?" I'm stopped by the couple. I nod and walk with them to the kitchen.

"So, what's your names?" I ask as the guy hands me a drink. "I'm Avery, and this is Ava." He gestured to his girlfriend. I nod, and take a sip of the drink, tasting it. It's really good, almost like the smoothies I had with Ruel. I close my eyes, and shake my head. I can't. I throw back the drink, and request another. The song changes. Up to something. Ruel's fucking songs. I get up and head outside. I need to breath, I can't focus. Once my breath gets back to normal, I head back in, and look for Avery and Ava, but they're nowhere to be seen. I pour myself another drink, and head to the dance floor.

As I dance, I close my eyes and forget. A slow song comes on, and someone comes up and grabs my waist. I'm too sad to tell them to get lost. So I just press my head to their cheat and imagine that the guy is Ruel, and I'm dancing with him to a new song. A song he wrote for me. Another song starts playing and the guy starts grinding against my body. I step back, feeling like I'm cheating, but my mind is fuzzy and I can't focus. He comes closer, and I smell his cologne, the same one Ruel wears.

This time, when he wraps his arms around me and grinds, I join, thinking that maybe it's lol in my head, and I'm really just sleeping, or hallucinating. I feel the guys... Y'know start to wake up, If you know what I mean, and he pulls me towards the stairs. I shake my head, mumbling that I've had to much to drink. He leads me to a room, and I stumble to the bed, I have to sit down,  I can't breathe. He hands me a drink, saying it's water, and I skull it down, it burning the back of my throat. Vodka. I close my eyes, my head pounding, and the guy kisses my neck, sliding his hands down to my Jeans, and starts rubbing my crotch. "No. I don't- I don't" suddenly he pulls away, and I open my eyes to see a tall blurry figure standing over him, punching him over and over. I close my eyes as the figure walks over and hoists me over their shoulder, carrying me out of the room, the house, and into a car.

I wake up, my head pounding. Ow. I don't remember anything that happened last night. Wait... I remember walking out of Ruel's house, and... That's it. I look around, and see Ruel sitting in a chair, his head in his hands. His shoulders shaking. Coco, sitting on the floor next to him is speaking to him gently. "Ruel, it's not your fault. It's not Y/n's fault, she clearly was under the influence..." The conversation faded in and out and I only heard parts. "I let her down. I- I promised- I promised myself I wouldn't make her hate me and I fucked up Coco. I lo- I love her, and she hates me." He broke down. Coco wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, and I fell back into a rest.

However long later I woke up again, and sitting up, I  rubbed my head, before turning to the spot that Ruel was, and see him sitting there, sleeping, his face splotchy, and his eyes red from crying. I look on the counter, and there is aspirin, and water. I take the painkiller, and smile as it makes me think of Ruel's song. I get up carefully, and walk over to him, and I watch him for a moment, before walking downstairs.

Coco looks up, as I come down the hallway, and she smiles gently. I sit down, and she passed me buttered toast, and a glass of juice. I eat quietly, and she watches, her arms folded. "He fired his management, you know." I looked up and she smiles. "He loves you. I don't know what he'll do to prove it to you, but he doesn't want to fix you, he doesn't want to own you. He wants to be there for you. He wants you to be happy, and he hates the fact that he could have been the reason you wiped yourself out."

I sit in silence for a moment. He fired his management? "His career! Did he find another manager?" Coco nodded and a breathed a sigh of relief. "What happened last night?" Coco sighs. "It's not pretty. From what I heard, Ruel got to the party, and asked around for you, shaking off a bunch off random girls. When he heard you were dragged upstairs, he was so mad, he ran up and pummeled the guy, then carried you back to the car. When we got home, he changed your clothes, took off all of your makeup, and he just sat in that same chair he's on now and broke down crying." She looks down, and I sit there as the memory comes back.

I hear a noise from upstairs, and all of a sudden, Ruel comes flying out of his room. "Coco! Coco she's gone again, I can't lose her! Coco!" He flys down the stairs, and stops abruptly, staring at me sitting on the couch. He walks over and stands there, watching me hesitantly. I look up at him, and study him. He wouldn't do it on purpose, I tell myself. He never ment to hurt me.
He sits down, and watches me, his eyes searching mine.
"You didn't know." His eyes dart down to my lips as I speak, and back up again. He shakes his head and his eyes well up.

"You fired your manager?" He nods slowly, his eyes closing as he swallows "I didn't know." He looks up at me as I crawl next to him. I settle back down again and I trace the veins across the top of his hand. "I fired him as soon as you left. Then I went searching for you." I wrap my arms around him, and he freezes, before wrapping his arms around me, hoisting me up so I'm on his lap. I run my hand up into his hair, and down his cheek. He looks at my lips and up again, asking for permission. I press my lips to his, and he kisses me gently, running his hands up and down my waist, his actions showing that he would never hurt me.