{Attack on Titan | xReader One Shots}

{Save} | {Levi x Reader} | {Drabble}

You had always been unable to save a person, even if they were an arm's reach of you. You had always been unable to protect those that you loved, even if they were in a close proximity to you. You had always been unable to do anything for someone, even if they were in desperate need of your help. You had the ability to do all those things, but you just didn't. You called yourself cruel, you called yourself heartless, you called yourself as many profanities as you could think of, but it didn't change anything.

How could you change if you had been the same your entire life?

You were always forced to watch as your siblings were abused and beaten, always forced to 'stay out of harm' because you were your parents' supposed favorites. Your parents would hush you when you cried, saying that it was for your siblings' own good, that they deserved to be punished with kicks, slaps, and punches. 

You never understood. You were too young to understand anything, really, at the time.

And so you would always standby as your two older brothers were abused, hurt by the man and woman who had brought them into the world. Their pleas of help, of mercy, were always ignored by the one person who could do something about it. You had shut out their cries and tears. You had shut out the reality of the situation. You had shut out everything that was right.

When your brothers both killed themselves, a part of you realized that it was partially your fault. Another part of you realized that the things you didn't do were worse than the sins you committed. You world came crashing down and the only escape available to you was to join the military.

To do what you couldn't do.

You trained, you worked, you did everything you possibly could to join the military, the Survey Corps. All of your hard work paid off when Erwin Smith nominated you to be a part of the Special Operations Squad. It was an honor, it was an opportunity, a door that opened up so many chances for you.

And of all the chances that approached you, you chose him. He was beautiful, his soul so broken and fragile; just like yours. The two of youconnected and it wasn't long before the confession of your emotions came. Happiness had presented itself to you, had thrown itself in front of you to keep.

But somehow, you couldn't hold onto it.

You tried so hard, but you were slipping away. Your nature, your uncaring nature, was consuming you whole, unused to the new revelation of joy and beauty. The strips of adhesive and the unsteady structures that had tried to mend your heart were finally deteriorating. Everything in your life was finally taking its toll, eating away at you until you could not stand it any longer. And when the last expedition arrived, the tragedy was so immense that you snapped. You were so broken, so so broken and you never noticed the affect it was having on him. And when the day came, the day he tried to reach out to you in his own, confusing ways, you ignored it. You caused it.

You could have saved him.

But you didn't.

When it came, when the monster came, when the time came you were unable to save him, just as you were unable to save your siblings.

They dragged you away. You were crying, you were laughing, you were cursing yourself into the deepest pits of hell.

You caused this.

And you did nothing to prevent it.