Finding My Person and My Reason

Chapter 4: Can't Believe Today

⚠⚠Warning this chapter will contain thoughts and suicidal actions!⚠⚠

You was warned more than once now!

Today starts just like the rest of the mornings do. To my mom banging on my door because her and father want breakfast. Why can't they just step up for once and be the parent. Maybe today is the day I get over this pathetic life. I walk over to my bathroom and take my razor, I think back to what my father tells me. "

You're nothing. We didn't even want you. You're a mistake", each memory is a cut to my wrist. One cut for not being wanted, another for never fighting back, and another because I am worthless. Once I realized what I had just done I get into the first aid kit and applied some bandages. I walk out to my room and change into a long sleeve and some plain old jeans. I go into the kitchen and make breakfast for my parents. I was getting ready to leave for school when my father walked in and grabs my arm and pushes me against the wall. 

"WHY WAS YOU LATE MAKING BREAKFAST!" he yells at me. 

"I..I" is all I can stutter out.

 He slaps me across my face. That was the first time he has ever hit me "pathic as always, and I don't care that I just hit you. Who are you going to tell? Yours friends? You don't have any. Nobody cares about you" he got interrupted by my mother " Elijah that's enough leave her alone let her go to school". Wow, that is the first time my mother has ever stuck up for me. My father lets me go and goes to the dining room. But sadly my mother takes his place, but gets to my ear "I am sorry. So very sorry." Is all she says then disappears into the dinning room where I hear yelling. I knew today was going to be different... Maybe that bad feeling was meant for something else.

After leaving the house in disbelief that my mom just stuck up for me, I looked at my phone. I pull up the camera and notice that there is a hand print on my face. Great how am I supposed to hide that, not that anybody would notice. I walk the short distance to my school and head to my first class. Today my first class is gym, great, just great. I go down to the dressing room and change into my gym clothes. Walking back out I keep my head down. Little did I realize until it was too late is that I bumped into another wall. Right before I was going to hit the gym floor the wall caught me.... Wait a minute walls didn't have arms. Looking up I noticed I bumped into Alexander again. UGH! I AM SO CLUMSY.

"Sorry" I whispered out.

Instead of pushing me away or just ignoring me and walking away. He actually talked back.

"Are you ok?" he asked me,

"Yes I am fine sorry for bumping into you again I am really clumsy."

Why did I just tell him that? I look back down and I hear chuckling. I look up and see him looking back at me. Right before he was going to say something else he saw my face. CRAP HE SEEN MY FACE. HE SEEN THE BRUISE FROM THIS MORNING, NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO SEE IT. I AM SUPPOSE TO BE A NOBODY. Lucky for me the gym teacher interrupted and called us all over.

After gym class I avoid Alexander like the plague. It was working until lunch, where a big scene was made. I just walked in, Alexander, some of his friends, and some cheerleaders were all sitting together like normal. I just chose my normal table alone. Where no attention could have been drawn. Boy was I wrong. I was trying to enjoy my book when I heard what sounded to me to be a wild hog screaming, oh wait my bad that's an insult to wild hogs. It was just Victoria coming my way.

"So I heard you threw yourself at my man once again slut." she said to me.

UGH that's what the bad feeling from last night was trying to tell me. Feeling brave I stuck up for myself "It's called an accident Victoria they happen, just like your makeup mistakes. Unless the clown wearing 50 pounds of makeup was what you were going for. If so, mission accomplished." I know I was being mean, but I am tired of her and her mouth thinking she can just run all over me and I will just let it happen.

"What did you just say to me? I know you ain't talking to me about accidents while your whole existence was an accident. Actually I believe I heard you was more than an accident, I heard you was a mistake"

Everyone in the cafe started laughing except for Alexander. He looked sad and mad. I don't understand why. She was telling the truth. I started picking up my things when she grabbed my bandage wrist and said " look can't even get your ending correct wow you are a mistake." With that I ran out of the cafe crying. Why did she have to be so mean to me? I never did anything to her. After running out of the cafe I went to my favorite place, the library.

I was in a book escaping reality when someone sat by me. Thinking ignoring them will make them go away was the wrong type of thinking.

"You know she was wrong. You're not an accident or mistake. She is just upset. I told her I needed a break from her."