Regrets | Jin Centric | Completed

Jin

When he started to be strange, I thought they were just my hallucinations. But when they became too serious to ignore, I decided to tell Namjoon. But he was late, and didn't have enough time to listen to me. So I also went to sleep as there were few more hours till morning.

I acted completely normal next day and went to practice with others. We improved a lot. As I had to practice at least two more hours, I asked Hobi to stay with me, but he refused and left me alone.

I acted brave and stayed alone, but my inner self was shivering in fear thinking that he could come here any time he want. I couldn't even practice well with my fear. At last, I saw him observing me practicing through the mirror. He came to me and pointed out my mistakes. First he squeezed my arm tightly for each mistake I make, but then he started to hit me. Then slapped me. Then he threw me to the floor as he grew furious and furious. My back hit the floor as he pushed me.

"You are useless. You are a shame for others. All you know is eating like a pig. You have grown so fat that you can't do at least one step properly"

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again"

"Sorry? What will your sorry do?"

He pulled me up by my hair.

"Look at you. Can't you do anything except eating properly? Get up and start practicing, you useless pig"

I tried my best to not to do any mistake. But all he did was noticing my mistakes and beating me.

I was hurt but I managed to get up and come to the dorm. I managed to keep my chin up in front of others although my back hurt. I managed to be careful enough to hide my reddened face from others. Then I hurried to my bed and asked the gel from Yoongi and applied it on my own as he didn't support me. My inner self begged me to compress my back with hot water, but I held it in and slept.

I remembered his words when I sat in the dining table next morning. What if I'm really fat? So I decided to skip the breakfast today. I have already stopped having the dinner, and I will stop having the breakfast also from today. I wanted to eat something when Jimin asked me to, but what if I became fat?

I couldn't sleep well yesterday because of my back ache. My head started to hurt bad since morning. And I had fever. I had high fever in practice, but I hold it in as he was my trainer. He can beat me again. He didn't do anything in others' presence, but as soon as others weren't around, he raised his hand towards me. I told Taehyung twice that I wasn't feeling well, but he asked me to practice more. Then I fell down when it became unbearable. I tried my best to keep back my tears and begged Taehyung to take me to the dorm. I asked him to stay with me in the dorm. He knew that everyone was busy today, and he knew that only Taehyung and I was in the dorm. I felt that something bad was going to happen. I begged Taehyung to stay with me, but he went out with his friends.

I woke up by the sound of the door bell. A plate fell down and shattered into pieces by my shivering hand. I sat down as I felt like he was coming to hit me, but no one was there. I thought it was Joon ringing the door bell. I decided to tell Joon about him somehow today and got up to open the door. But in a dark corner of my mind, there was feeling that the one outside is him. I was afraid so I waited until the doorbell stop, but it didn't. I stood up to open the door.

What if it was him?

What if he is here again?

Should I not open the door?

But what will happen tomorrow if I didn't open the door?

I opened the door with all of these questions going around in my head. But it was the one I hated to see now.

Yes...

The one I fear the most.

Him

Our new dancing trainer and junior manager.

Kim Juwon

From his first day on, all he did was scolding me, hitting me, and hurting me every way he can. Our new junior manager.

Yes

The one who I was scared to see.

When my whole body shivered like a fish out of water,

When I went pale like a paper,

When I started to sweat like water,

I stared at the him in fear, clutching the door knob tightly.

I could have thought once more before getting up

I could have thought once more before going to the door.

I could have thought once more before opening the door. But,

Now I was too late.

I went back step by step and then ran to my room to close the door. But he was faster. He was faster than me who was weakened by fever.

When he took away my every dream from,

When he took away my life from me,

When my fancy dreams shattered one by one,

When I started to disgust myself,

All I could do was looking at what he do with an emotionless face.

"If you speak a single word about this, if you talked with anyone about this, my next prey will be your baby Busan or baby Taetae. So be careful"

He took everything away from me, and gave me a long lecture about the results of my actions before leaving. I laid like dead on my bed. I wanted to cry out loud. Even though I didn't have strength to oppose him, even though I didn't have strength to stop him, I had enough strength to cry out. When I felt tired of crying, I got out of bed hardly and wore my clothes. I collected those disgusting clothes and threw them into the dust bin as I didn't want to see them ever again.

I didn't have to face anyone as he had left the door open. One by one, others came into the dorm. I went to the balcony and cried the rest as I was sure that no one will come there since it was the winter.

But someone came there, although I couldn't see who he was. I couldn't see, but I felt him. My Kookie! Only if he talked with me... I wished first, but then I thanked God that he didn't talk to me. I was able to take the biggest decision in my life as he didn't talk to me.

I took an a4 and wrote my resignation. I left it in an envelope in PD-nim's cabin with a signed cheque for the penalty I must pay for breaking the agreement contract.

For the last time, I met everyone in their rooms and bi them good bye in sleep and left with my bag while thinking for a way to forget my memories in Hybe.