Way Ward

Soft Heartaches

Now it's 2:30 am and I'm scared because I'm crying and I want someone and someone is always just another way of saying you, but someone's easier to have, isn't it? But there's no one and I'm worried that I won't wake up on time tomorrow because my heart was going to ache anyway but 8 hours of sleep and I might have even felt like the day was going somewhere. Loneliness is so strange; I wrote about it and I stopped feeling it and that's exactly when it came back. Everyone I know is in some kind of pain. So am I. I didn't know I was in pain, but I was. I am. And I don't want anyone else to leave because I'm so scared they've all already left anyway and my room is so cold it's so cold I wish I wasn't the only one here. I think I've been writing too many love letters but when my mind is racing they make me feel calmer and I never really knew what else to do. I want to go back to the days when I could fall asleep feeling like I was somebody else somewhere else. Sometimes I want to tear a hole in time and go back to sleeping on the couch in my parent's bedroom just so I can remember what it feels like to feel loved. I wish I woke up in a warmer place where the sky's blue and the morning feels like a good one and the day feels like it's full of possibilities and there are book shops and skate and restaurants and cafes and places to go and people to see and it's a soft kind of heartache. I talk about heartache so much. It's because I don't think heartache ever goes away.

My heart is always going to ache. I just want it to ache softly. I just want somebody who wishes it didn't ache anyway. I think that's what we all want. Someone who wishes our heart didn't ache anyway.