i slept round my cousin's house last night. abi, she's the one i can tell anything to. my sister feels that way too. whenever we see eachother we just get everything out but we didn't have much to say since it's not been long since i saw her last.
becky did though. she told us how she's scared she's going to kill herself. she told us that she just keeps getting closer to doing it. we didn't know what to do or say
i feel so shitty, i don't know how to help or if i can. i miss her younger self so much but i would never tell her that because i know how awful that is to hear. i feel bad just writing it down now.
she also told me she sees herself as my older sister even though i'm older than her. what the fuck
i hate myself for that
am i not a good enough older sister?
i don't want herself to put that responsibility on herself, she's only 13 even though she thinks she's so much more mature than that (she's really not).
i baked a chocolate swiss roll about an hour ago. it's dry but i'm still proud.
then i came into my room and what becky said last night hit me, i cant lose her.
that's all i really have to say
and if there's anyone who cares about this, i'm sorry i have been so inconsistent
no matter how hard i try i always end up back here. i don't really know what here means but i know i can't seem to ever escape it for more than a month.
i'm trying though, don't worry about me
YOU ARE READING
my diary
Randomlol this is literally gonna be my diary. you can read if you want, idk why you want to do that tho tbh and also don't expect it to be good bc i'm just gonna type what word comes into my head instead of making it sound good yknow? that's what i was j...
