my diary

25/08/2021

i am a lesbian and i think i finally accept myself and have come to terms with that. happiness with a woman as a woman myself is very possible and i don't give a fuck if people don't accept me because it's better than living a lie.

comp het sucks tho x

that felt like i shouldn't write any more but this is literally a diary so i'm going to tell you about my day (i have been feeling more like my usual self today unlike the rest of this week*). when i woke up, i had bled all over my sheets and my mattress but it was kind of a blessing in disguise because it forced me to get up and do something instead of just marinating in bed all day, just making me feel worthless. i cleaned up my room a bit but it's gonna need some more work because it was such a mess before. i had cookie dough for lunch because i felt like it. ive learnt that sometimes it's ok to give in to your cravings because, for me, i'd just end up eating that thing later on top of whatever i had instead and that usually leads to a binge.
i started a show called ghosts while i was baking some raspberry and white chocolate cookies, i think it's my new favourite. i love it so much.

*ive noticed a pattern in which the week or two leading up to my period i get super sad and unmotivated. like suicidal level sad. my life feels out of control and it always takes ages to clean up after the mess that time left. i don't know if that's just a coincidence but i'm gonna keep track of it to see if i'm just trying to make reason out of nothing. when i woke up on my period today i, like i mentioned earlier, felt more like myself again. the emptiness usually fades away around this time in my cycle, this time was a bit earlier than usual i think though. i was doing some research into if this is an actual thing that other people experience or if i'm just very sensitive to pms or something and i found out about this thing called PMDD but it's very rare so idk, i'm just gonna wait it out and see if anything changes i think