𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐀 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐀

Let Go

I don't know if I shouldn't answer. Should I?

Fuck. Too late. It stops ringing. I feel regret now. I should've just grown up and answered the phone. That's all I've wanted him to do for weeks and when he finally has I leave it. What's wrong with me?!

"UGH" I scream dropping my arm to my side, despite being in public almost.

But then it rings again. It's Damiano again. And yet, I still have doubt to answer.

"Just do it.... 3....2.....1" I comfort myself as I lift the phone to my ear.

I don't talk. I'm waiting for him to speak. I deserve an explanation of some sort. It's silent for some time before I hear his voice. The voice that I've been missing so much. His soft, Italian voice.

"Marlena...?" I hear.

I say nothing.

"Marlena, are you there?" I hear again.

I don't know what to feel anymore. I feel angry. Angry that he never called me. Does he not love me?

"Why didn't you ever fucking call me?" I shouted. I didn't want to be mad. I just wanted to cry. My voice sounded very upset despite trying to act angry with him.

"I can explain. Where are you?" Sounding rather unbothered. I was expecting a little more emotion. I haven't spoke to him in three weeks and that's all I get?

"Do you not love me anymore? Why wouldn't you even text me, you have no idea how much I've missed you!" I ask him, beginning to cry.

"Marlena don't cry, just come to the address I'm sending you now after the show"

"I don't want to watch the rest, I want to go now Damiano" I tell him.

"Ok.... Go there now. I'll send you my room number too, get a spare key and I'll be with you straight after. I promise"

"I don't believe your promises anymore Damiano. Maybe I'll be waiting 3 weeks for you to come" I say, still crying.

"Trust me" He says in a very mellow voice. "You have to"

I hang up. I'll go there. I'll wait. But not forever.

My mind is spinning. I still don't know why I'm doing what he asks. It's only like I'm in love with him...

His hotel is absolutely beautiful. Grand and luxurious.

And his hotel room is even more beautiful.
But an absolute mess. His clothes are all over the floor. The curtains are still closed.

"Typical" I mutter as I begin to try and tidy it up so I can locate my way around a little better.

I pick up his clothes, fold them, put them away. I organise his things in the bathroom and make it look all tidy. I don't know why I'm bothering but I feel like I should. I open the curtains revealing the gorgeous landscape of London. Bright lights, busy people, it's wonderful.

I sit down on the edge of his bed, facing the big, wide window. I watch the world go by, forgetting my troubles for a while. But still in my mind, I'm puzzled.

Shit he's here. The key in the door is unlocking and it begins to slide open. What the fuck do I say?

"Marlena" he says, almost running towards me.

Before I have the chance to even breath, he wraps his arms around me. How do I even act angry now? I've missed this. I've missed him. His arms make me feel so safe, warm and loved. The temptation to wrap my arms around him grows on me.

But I push him away.

"Why?" I shout, despite just wanting to fall back into his arms. "Why did you not call me Damiano?"

"It's complicated. I don't know if you'll understand" he says, taking my hands and sitting me down on the bed next to him.

I pull my hands back into my lap.

"I have all day. Explain to me" I demand.

I need to know. I still don't understand.

"Well" he says, breathing in. "When I left, I already missed you. Within two minutes, I was desperate to call you. The thought that I was leaving you was haunting to me. I just wanted to come back to you already, which never happens, I always love touring. But you, I just can't leave. I was telling our manager that I wasn't sure if I wanted to complete the whole tour because I missed you and well... he suggested I just didn't call you. Hearing your voice would make me miss you more, I would've craved you, I would've missed you more and more everyday. So I decided to just almost forget about you for a while, so I could focus on tour"

"Forget about me?" I asked.

"Well not forget about you. But have some space as otherwise I would've never been able to get though tour"

"You could've told me before you stopped calling me you know! Maybe I would've agreed with you then or at least understood why I was being completely ignored by my own boyfriend" I cry, tears now falling from my eyes.

Pull yourself together. I tell myself.

"I know I should've but my manager just didn't think it was a good idea"

"And you listened?" I say, continuing to cry. Even more now.

"Marlena, please don't cry. I love you. I love you so much. And now I'm with you, I already feel as if I don't want to leave you again" he says, pulling me back into a tight hug.

I throw my arms around him. Our hug is amazing, it's all I've wanted these past few weeks. He kissed the side of my head, comforting me.

"I'm sorry for coming" I apologise, leaning my head into the crook of his neck.

"Never apologise. I should've told you. I love you so much Marlena. Mi amore" he says. I hear him whimper, he's crying as well now.

"I love you too" I say, not breaking our hug, only tightening it.

"I don't ever want to let go" Damiano tells me. "I can't tell you how much I've missed you. I want to be with you forever. Have you in my arms forever"

"I don't want to let go either. I wish I could just stay with you"

I shouldn't have come. I've ruined his tour. How are we going to leave each other all over again?