transboo 2

Chapter 5

tw: self harm, anxiety mention

ranboo pov:

it's midnight, i'm packed - everyone's packed. we're leaving right now. i should be so happy to be seeing my dad again, but i have a bad feeling i don't want to tell anyone about. if i voice my feeling, they'll cancel the flights, the hotel, everything because they want me to be happy. but i have to see my dad.

i try to push my thoughts aside, all the worries that karen will come and take me away. i don't want to be with her, i don't even want to fucking see her again. i'm scared.

tommy seems to sense my worry and he puts a protective hand on my shoulder before walking out of the door before me. i take a deep breath and push my anxious thoughts to the side before following him and locking the door.

i'm the last to get in the car, it's a little cramped for a three hour journey to the airport. i'm on the left in the back, with tubbo in the middle and tommy on the right. techno is in the passenger seat and phil is driving.

*time skip bc i'm lazy :)*

we are boarding the plane and i feel the wave of anxiety return over seeing my parents again. it's safe to say, i am shitting myself. i'm terrified. i think literally anyone who could see me would sense my paranoia and my anxiety as i've given up with hiding it, what's the point?

i don't eat anything on the plane, my appetite being nearly nonexistent due to my skyrocketing anxiousness. i did get some water though, staying hydrated was probably a good idea right now.

when we land, tommy decides to just take my hand and keep holding it until we get to the hotel. we're going to check in and sleep before heading to the hospital when we wake up in the morning. tubbo, tommy and i are sharing a room for the whole time we stay in california, and phil and techno are sharing one across the hall from ours.

as scared as i am to see my dad and karen, the excitement of sleeping in the same room as two of my best friends makes me giddy like a toddler. i don't know what made me so excited, but i really was bouncing on the balls of my feet, itching to get into our room and just vibe.

i trust tubbo and tommy more than i trust phil and techno, but that's probably because they're my age so they might understands a bit more. i know tommy has struggles with anxiety and self harm, like me, and tubbo has been supportive to him so he sort of knows how to deal with me. tommy's been telling me how techno and phil have helped him so i should open up and let them in, but something about trusting adults is a no from me. probably due to the trauma karen gave me.

our room has one double bed and a single bed next to it; tubbo immediately jumps on the double bed, saying that me and tommy are closer to each other than to him anyway so we should be fine sleeping next to each other. we spend the night watching useless crap on the tv on the wall opposite to the beds before tommy falls asleep curled up against me.

'tubbo,' i whisper to avoid waking tommy up, 'can you turn off the lights please.'

he nods, showing he's acknowledged my request before getting up and turning off the lights so we can sleep. we have a big day tomorrow, and i'm not sure any of us want to face karen.

the morning comes and we are rudely awoken by a loud knocking on our door. i wake up a few moments before tommy so i get to see the funniest thing; he squints and rubs his eyes as if trying to figure out where he is, then he looks at me next to him and i don't think i've ever seen him move so fast to get away, he nearly fell off the bed in the process. while tommy's pretending none of that happened, tubbo gets up to answer the door and he finds techno out there, without phil.