transboo 2

Chapter 9

tw: self harm, mention of abuse, internalised transphobia

ranboo pov:

have they given up on me? i would've too. they probably wanted me to come to america because they knew my shitty parents would take me away from them. i mean, if they wanted to keep me, they would've come back and tried to fight off my parents for me, but they haven't done that.

it's a bit like 'oh ranboo's parents are abusive? aw shame, hope he'll be okay :)'

i want them to come back. i miss them.

forget karen and tristan for a moment, my dysphoria is SHIT lately, i can't even acknowledge the fact i'm trans today, it hurts to even think about. and i know on my extremely dysphoric days, i have to cut.

yes, i have to. it makes me feel like i have an actual reason to be upset.

i mean, this whole trans thing has to be bullshit - that's what my own parents are telling me and they must be right.

my voices seem to be fighting within themselves

don't lie to yourself, you know you're a boy
don't let them win
you're stronger than you think

cut yourself
you know you have no other reason to be upset
of course you're a girl, they're right
they wouldn't lie to you

it's just, what side do i even believe? am i a boy? am i a girl?

one side of the voices become much stronger than the other side

cut yourself

come on, how bad could it be?

it's only a little blade

go on

cut yourself

so of course i gave in. i went to the bathroom - as that's less suspicious than going to the kitchen - and i rummaged around one of the drawers until i found what i was looking for. a razor.

i put the toilet seat down and i sat on top of it, rolling my sleeve up so my forearm was exposed. tears stream silently down my face as i bring the cold, sharp blade to my wrist. i cut twice on my wrist and then move further up my arm, placing three, four, five, six more cuts, more cuts until the voices were satisfied.

there. now you have an actual reason to cry. none of that transgender bullshit.

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373 words

only a short chapter so that we get a bit of ranboo's perspective :)

wow two chapters in a day look at me go