transboo 2

Chapter 11

tw: suicidal thoughts, mention of abuse, self harm, suicide attempt, deadnaming/transphobia

ranboo pov:

are they gonna help me? like, ive been here for ages. techno comes to see me every day and he SEES how they treat me. they've got me wearing skirts and dresses. why won't techno help me?

they wouldn't miss you if you died.

your parents wouldn't miss you. no one else would, they clearly don't care.

maybe techno only comes to visit because he finds it funny to see you in this state.

ugh go away.

but... maybe they're right.

why do i keep myself alive when i could so easily end it all? i have no reason to stay alive, no one cares. they'd all be happy to see me dead.

but then again, if they wanted me dead, why did they save me when karen almost killed me?

i just want a way out of this hellhole. i want to go back to england, back to our house, our home. i was happy. then she rocked up and ruined my fucking life. again.

but still. it must've been over a month since i've been here. and every day they beat me up, they force me into dresses and skirts, they hold me still to put makeup on, they deadname me, they give me less and less food as the days go on. where are my friends? why haven't they saved me?

i just don't want to be here.

it wouldn't be difficult to kill myself, i'm sure my parents would actually encourage it.

remember how she slit your wrists for you?

yeah i'm sure she would encourage it.

i don't know how much longer i can fight these thoughts. as if they sense my weakness, more suicidal thoughts leak in, each one more threatening and tempting than the last.

it's not long before there are tears streaming down my face, my mascara smudging in the process.

i just want to be happy. and if i have to be dead to at least not be sad, then why not?

tommy pov:

"you got this." techno tries to convince me as we stand at ranboo's back gate.

what if i make his situation worse? what if they think he asked me to come so they punish him. she nearly killed him before, what's stopping her from actually doing it?

that's what i say in my head, anyway.

"yeah. i got this." i reply, out loud.

fuck. i'm so scared.

i think i'm shaking.

"listen, tom. look at me," techno says, putting one hand on my shoulder as i face him, "you can't do anything to make this worse for ranboo. if they catch you, phil and tubbo will notice and will let me know. we'll all come and help, i promise. don't stress, you have to focus. deep breaths. for ranboo."

"for ranboo" i repeat.

so now i don't have much of a choice. techno's about to lift me over the fence as tubbo and phil let us know they have eyes on tristan and karen. they're sitting at the dining table eating lunch. ranboo is not with them.