Under The Saddle (Horse Story)

t w o // moving backwards

My heels clicked methodically against the hard pavement as I strode up our street. The dark autumn sky cast a cold shadow over the city, and the golden-brown trees rustled as a harsh breeze swept down the narrow streets. 

The house was unlocked, to my surprise, and I swung open the door, throwing myself onto the couch. The room was empty, the only sound coming from the hum of the air conditioner. I didn't know what to do anymore. I was so confused, so at war with myself. The idea of moving to a town with such a strong past, scared me. But the thought of staying here, with friends who never actually cared for me, also scared me.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I twisted around to see Dad standing in the kitchen, his hands planted on the bench while he stared out the window. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked unsettled. Unhappy. For the first time in years, I noticed it.

"Dad?" I called quietly. He spun around quickly.

"Oh, honey. I didn't know you were here."

"I had study period last." I lied. He never took the time to learn my timetable, so he didn't question me.

I opened my mouth, trying to find the words to tell him I knew about Mom. "I... I know why you want to move."

His eyes widened, eyebrows raised.

"Mom. She used to live in Lexington... didn't she?" I said.

He looked at his feet, sighing in resentment. He didn't say anything, nor shift his gaze, and only nodded slowly. Walking over, he sat on the sofa beside me, his hands now planted firmly on his knees as though his shoulders would collapse if he didn't. I hadn't spent this much time with Dad for as long as I could remember. I glanced up, taking in his troubled expression. Something was still bothering him.

"That's not all, is it?"

He shook his head sadly. "My job," he started, sucking in a deep breath. "I lost it."

My heart dropped like a rock. I tried to think of words, but nothing came out.

"It's a sign, Cheyenne. It's the universe telling me to stop."

I laughed out loud.

"You're kidding, right? You think that because you lost your job, we should move away from home, to a town in the middle of nowhere?"

"This isn't home, Cheyenne!" He cried, his tone pained.

I flinched. "Yes, Dad. This is my home."

His tone softened, his eyes focused on the floor. "This might seem like home, but that's because we haven't experienced the life we're meant to have. It might seem scary, but just trust me on this. The world is so big, and New York is so small in comparison. And I want the life we used to have back, and that's not happening here."

"We're never going to get our old life back. Mom's gone." My voice cracked.

"Mom might not be here anymore, but she left behind so much, and we've been ignoring it all. She would hate the life we're living, Chey. She would hate this."

Pain pierced my heart, but deep down I knew he was right. This was one life, and I was so afraid to leave behind my safe zone.

Something stopped my voice from coming out, but I glanced up and met Dad's eye. I nodded reluctantly, knowing that whatever was out there, had to be better than this.

O O O 

The thought of leaving quickly became a reality, but even with the fateful day nearing, the throbbing fear still wracked my chest. I avoided thinking about leaving, because every time it filled my mind, the dread grew stronger. However, with the number of boxes filling my room fast growing, it was getting harder and harder to push to the back of my mind.