Tommy's Letter- A Newtmas Oneshot

Tommy's Letter

The tent was empty, all apart from Thomas sat at a wooden table with his head resting on his hand that was on the surface. His face bore a sad and mournful expression and it was for a good reason. He was reading the letter again.

The letter his best friend Newt had left him with before- before he left. Thomas read it whenever he was missing his blonde companion, which was a lot lately. Despite Newt's heartbreaking words and painful goodbye stitched in ink, it brought comfort to Thomas, they were words he could quite literally hold onto forever, as he couldn't hold the real person in his arms anymore.

Today was different though. After a year in the safe haven, Thomas seeked closure. He wanted to say everything he wished he'd been able to, he wanted to tell Newt that... That he missed him. So he decided he was going to write a letter too, a response to Newt's.

He reached for the pen after staring at the blank piece of paper, next to the crumpled letter he kept in his necklace, for about half an hour. He didn't know what he would write, he had no plan. He just decided to let whatever words came to mind throw through his hand and to the paper.

A few minutes later, he began to write.

Dear Newt,

I miss you. We all do. But I guess that would be obvious considering how much you made all our lives more worth living. It's not the same without you, you deserve to be here, at the Safe Haven.

You would've loved it here, so much. There's a beach here, well the whole place is a beach really it's bloody brilliant, as you would say in that amazing accent of yours. God I wish I could hear it again, even if it was just one word. A simple hey, or a goodbye. Anything you say would make my heart skip a beat...

Fry still cooks his stew and he's even taken to trying to teach Minho how to cook although he gets very easily frustrated. It's quite funny really. They both miss you too. Especially Minho, more than he lets on but you know how he is. We talk often about you.

The weather is usually quite nice here as well but I find the rainy days are the best. They remind me of you in a sense. Cool and relaxing but also still warm and comforting... Anyway, this isn't what I really wanted to say.

What I wanted to say is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being able to protect you, for not being able to keep you safe for those last few minutes. We were so close, I could've...

At his point Thomas had to take a break as tears welled up in his eyes and threatened to come pouring down all over the paper. After composing himself he continued to write.

I could have saved you.

I know you didn't want to lose yourself, I know you didn't want to hurt anyone and forget who you are so I'm glad you don't have to worry about that anymore. I hope you're okay Newt. I hope you're happy and I hope you're safe and maybe you're even with the others. If you are, please let them know they are never forgotten.

I know you hope I wouldn't change a thing, if we got to go back. But the truth is I would. I would change the reality that you didn't get to truly be free. To rest and to be happy, happier, here with us. I can't help but be selfish and wish you were here and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I can't do all of what you wish for me.

I would follow you anywhere too Newt, I would. And I will, eventually. When I've lived out my life I'll join you up there alright?

Please wait for me, please.

Thank you, for being here for me and for being my friend.

He hesitated. He knew the words he wanted to write, but for some reason it scared him. It scared him that he could finally accept what he felt now that it was too late. But he had to. He had to let him know... Despite the possibility that he isn't even able to see or hear these words. But Thomas knew he was listening and watching. Watching over them all. He could feel it. So, he wrote them. The three words he wished he could've said. The words he regretted never speaking out loud the most.

I love you, Newt,

See you soon.

Tommy.

Thomas wasn't sure what he'd do with the letter. He didn't read it over again or change anything, he wanted it to be purely what he felt without any second guesses.

The only thing he read over again were those three words that meant everything. He was glad it was, in a sense, out in the open. That he could truly accept them and his loss.

His loss of the chance of telling the boy he loved truly how he felt.