The Psyche Of Mine

Slow

You ever feel slow?
It's like being able to feel everything you're capable of, just really slowly.
You begin to breathe slowly, staring at your ceiling in the dark while you listen to generic sad songs on spotify in the hopes of making yourself feel more sad, and feel everything you feel.
You stare at the dark surrounding you and begin to think of scenarios you know will never happen, intentionally hurting yourself.
Forcing yourself to live through the disappointment that comes free with life, twice.
There's nothing you can do to escape this feeling, even though you don't care to escape.
It's like being confined by a cloud of second hand cigarette smoke, you hate it, but you don't.
You couldn't bother less even though you consistently worry about everything.
But when it comes to self destructive habits, you forget to worry. You forget to care.
You think wrong and you focus on the wrong things. You care less about being careless while being careless with yourself.
Fuck this you think.
I don't care you think.
It doesn't matter you think. You thought wrong.
You think you're better when you're sad. It's colour to your beige personality.
You know you're better when your pitiful self feels stuck.
You over think. You forget everything and then it floods your mind, you remember it.
Your heart sinks and your stomach feels empty, you begin to feel shallow and hopelessly in love with this feeling.
You're addicted to being in your own head.
You're hateful of how much you like to introspect and not learn, refuse to learn.
It's a never ending cycle of potential lessons that end up as melancholic memories.
You miss people that are around you.
You miss. You're not missed you're just missed.
The music starts to cloud your thoughts and sleep begins to creep in.
You're numb.
It's time for death with ads.
You want to subscribe for the full thing.. but you lack guts.
Sucks for you. Sucks to be you.
You're asleep.