Beautiful Darkness: A Psychopath

Chapter 4

Tris 

I can feel it... I feel like a normal person tonight. I feel like I just started a new life and I was just a day old.

Matapos na ilang segundo tumagal akong nakatingin sa kaniya at ibinaling ko sa kaniya ang paningin ko sa di kalayuang bench na natanaw ko.

Nagbago na ang isip ko isip ko na umuwi... sa unang pagkakataon sa buhay ko napag-isipan kong mas magandang manatili sa labas at makasama ang isang tao kaysa ang bumalik nalang sa bahay.

Nagsimula akong maglakad papalapit sa upuang iyon.

"I changed my mind... I'm staying," I said and this time gave him a lighter smile when I turned to him again and the admiring smile on his face never left while standing where I left him. His hands were in his pockets as I turned to him.

"Thank you so much for that decision... please enjoy the rest of the night. No one's leaving early," he said and that made me smile more... I was about to sit already when I saw very familiar faces.

Parang literal na tumigil ang mundo ko... walang ibang malinaw na larawan maliban ang kanilang mukha. 'Yung saya na unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman ko ay tila ba sa isang iglap ay bigla nalang hinablot sa akin papalayo... habang sinasabi na wala akong karapatan na maging masaya.

Ano pa ba ang inaasahan ko? Wala akong taong pinasaya ni minsan sa buhay ko... hindi din ako dapat masaya.

Slowly... I faced those two persons and analyzed their facial expressions while looking at me... they looked anxious. They looked like they were hesitating to approach me.

The moment I locked eyes with them...I feel my anxiety rapidly rising...

Kasabay sa mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko ang pakiramdam na gusto ko na lang mawalan ng malay at hindi nalang magising. Gusto ko nalang isipin na kahit kalian hindi nangyari ang araw na'to kahit na kasama sa araw na'to ang kaisa-isang araw na nakaramdam ako ng saya at buhay.

I took a weak step wherever available just to force myself to run but I couldn't... but Dream was there to quickly run and give me support when he stood behind me and held my arm.

I also held onto him for support to turn to the other side and actually planned to run as fast as I could but... I just can't. My feet just can't, it's like my strength got stolen in a blink. No words were also coming out from my mouth because I can't find any suitable words for this situation.

All of my emotions are trapped and jailed inside me because I don't know how to express them... the natural way.

Kasi hangga't kaya ko gusto kong gumalaw na isang normal na tao...kasi nandyan at nanonood si Dream. Hangga't kaya ko gusto kong magagandang storya lang ang maiipon niya para sa tatay niya. I don't want him storing horrible memories in his mind because of me... his mind doesn't deserve it.

"Hey... if you're not feeling well, you're completely fine to go home..." Dream carefully told me in a soft voice while still holding and giving me support as we were slowly walking towards the exit of the amusement park.

I heard him... I wanted to respond but I couldn't.

Ngayon hindi ko nalang alam kung anong gagawin ko... gustong gusto ko silang harapin at ibuga lahat kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko ngayon at ipagsigawan sa kanila 'yon. Gusto ko silang harapin pero ako mismo... alam kong hindi maganda ang kalalabasan no'n.

Naririnig ko ang pagtawag nila sa pangalan ko...

While mindlessly walking towards the exit of the amusement park the only thing on my mind was... Why are they calling my name out now? After almost 30 years, are they only learning now what my name was?