DUALITY /#Wattys 2021

Chapter 48

Downstairs in Chi's closet, Ridley chose a set of comfortable lounging clothes rather than her nightgown. She wanted Chi, and she believed he wanted her, but it would never do to appear too suggestive. And she wondered where to sit.

She heard him walking through the room, carrying the box filled with dirty dishes. She left the closet and sat on the couch, grabbing the blanket from his bed on her way past, to snuggle up in.

They'd shared a decadent chocolate dessert, but Chi came back into the room and called down to the kitchen for buttered popcorn anyway. He disappeared into the closet she had just left and returned in soft knit clothes, a blue that matched his eyes. Then he took a place on the couch beside her, closer than he'd ever been.

"Is there room under there for me?"

This time she had to say it. "I thought we had a no physical contact rule."

"I can't imagine we'll ever see each other again after these negotiations with Rory," said Chi. "I don't know what will happen after that. At least let's sit together and munch popcorn."

"You don't? You don't think we'll ever see each other again?" Ridley's voice went soft with disappointment. She couldn't quite make her eyes stay on his face. "I hoped ...."

"You hoped what?" he said. She could take the words two ways, but his eyes, his tone revealed nothing.

Ridley stumbled through her thoughts, afraid of what he might say. "I hoped that if you came back, Mom and I could move near Othala. Maybe we could still see you sometimes. At court."

"Is that all?" he said in a tone so even she found it maddening. Was she supposed to understand he felt disappointed she'd said that, or was he testing her in some way? 

"I thought ..." she said, and stopped. She chose her next words to minimize any chance he might say something that could humiliate her. "I thought it was the best I could hope for."

Chi's blank expression thawed. He shrugged and cut his eyes away from her. "I don't know, Ridley. Anything could happen once we do this, including a warrant for my arrest. I might have to request permanent asylum from Mannaz, and with the political fallout, if they don't give me that ..."

"But ..." said Ridley. He sat so close to her, she felt hyperaware of his body heat, burning into her left arm. "But ... if you could have anything you wanted ... what would you hope for?" Ridley knew what she would want, without a doubt.

His eyes flickered away from hers. "I don't think I can even talk about that. I don't think I should."

"But, do you know? I know that being King, living here—"

"No!" said Chi, and this time there was no mistaking the way his dark brows rushed together. "That's not the important thing. I'd hope you know that about me by now."

"Well ... but maybe, the Queen ..."

"Ridley," said Chi, and she saw him edge away from her an inch. "How can I tell you that? How can I tell you anything when my life, and Ember's life, are so up in the air?" He sagged against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "I've said much too much already." He opened his eyes again and they found hers, hollow with regret. "I don't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have done this, tonight. But at the same time, I wanted you to know ...."

His eyes told her what he couldn't say, what he had wanted her to know. He'd wanted her to know what her presence had meant to him after so long alone. He'd wanted her to know he loved her. He'd wanted to thank her.

She slid her hand into his. "I know," she whispered.

He looked away from her and bowed his head, and they sat together in a silence measured by the ticking of the clock. In no time, this night would be over.