~Infatuation~ [UNDER MAJOR EDITING]

6

We're picking up immediately where we left off. Also, I rewrote this part because I didn't like it, sorry. Next part is more interesting I swear :)

Ouma POV woooooosH~

I am such an idiot, idiot, IDIOT! What was I thinking? I wasn't, that's the problem. I lost my cool back there, what the hell happened..

I kissed him. I kissed Saihara Shuichi. Why? I don't know. It felt so right in that moment but I know it's wrong. It was sudden, abrupt. He probably didn't want it, and I don't blame him. The feeling still lingers on my lips. The only warmth I feel combating the icy cold air of the evening atmosphere. It's a pleasant feeling, even though what I did and the thoughts running through my head are quite the opposite..

I open my door and shut it frustratedly behind me. "Chi? I thought you were gonna be out a little later." It was my mother. I remembered I told her I'd be back at around 11 and it was barely even ten. "Yeah, well the party ended early, Amami was tired of socializing I guess." I say as level headedly as I could. I wanted to scream, or cry, or maybe even both. But I'm not going to worry mom over some dumb mistake I made. "Oh.. How was it?" She asked. I could hear that as light hint of concern lacing her voice, letting me know I'm or masking as well as I think I am. "It was okay. I've never thought parties were that cool anyways." I reply. She gives me a half hearted smile. "Well alright. I'm headed to bed, you should probably do the same." She says as she walks up the stairs.

I head to my room, doing my best not to slam my door and threw myself into the bed. I bury my face into my pillows and let out a frustrated yell. Thankfully, it was muffled pretty well. The feeling wouldn't go away. All I could feel was shame. It felt like I did something wrong, though it's not. I have no idea who Saihara really is, and as much as I'd like to know, I doubt he's going to tell me.

I feel something hot and wet roll down my face. Oh, great I'm crying. I cover my face with my hands and sob silently, reliving the party in my mind.
It was fun. As much as the end made me hate myself so so much it was fun. My bold flirting and confidence, God only knows where that came from. I regret everything I said. It was stupid, idiotic. I don't know why I ever even spoke to him in the first place.

My thoughts drifting to him only reinforced that what I did was wrong. He's so pretty... I love everything about him. He's the definition of perfection. Just a glance could send anyone onto cloud nine, and most people would probably be driven over the edge if only to have a single moment with him...

What am I even saying? He probably hates me now. I'll lose him forever. Exactly like I was afraid of. Loneliness creeps into me, and the fear of it sinks in. My body feels like it's collapsing under the weight of it. I just wanted to leave and go somewhere far far away where I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I want to join the stars, like the ones I was fascinated with before. I bet life is so much easier for them..

I needed to do something. I know I couldn't sit here and tell myself he hates me. God only knows what I'd do if I let it continue. I pull out my phone and click his number.

Pacing my room for what seems like decades trying to come up with what I should say I send a simple 'hey' and hope for the worst..

I flop back onto my bed and stare aimlessly at my ceiling. I almost immediately regretted texting him. The bland beige that covered my ceiling never seemed so cruel. It felt like it was taunting me, making fun of me for being foolish.

After what seems like only a minute my phone vibrates, indicating I've received a new message. I excitedly pick up my phone, for what reason I don't know. He responded Oh shit, you're probably not up, but hey. I noticed the time difference between the message I sent and his. It's been an hour. I'd been staring at that awful beige for an hour. I figure he'd be asleep if I didn't reply soon and I didn't want to be left alone all night with my thoughts like that.

Saihara-Chan

Nope! I'm still up.

Oh. Me too ig.
Uh hey what happened
at the party?

I mean why'd you
kiss me?

Shit. That was exactly what I didn't want to be asked right off the bat. But I knew it was coming.

There were so many reasons why I did it. If anything I should've done it sooner.. No I can't think like that. He probably doesn't even care about me. He probably wants me gone for what happened.

That's hard to say

I'm sorry. It's
just been on my mind
for a while tonight.

I'm sorry Saihara-Chan.
I had no right to do it.
I understand if you hate
me now..

No I don't hate you.

I'm assuming if you
messaged me like this
you probably wanna talk
about it.

The opposite. All I needed was to know if he hated me. Now all I need to do is come up with how I'm going to tell him how I feel..

Actually I'd rather do that
In person. If that's okay ofc :)

Oh yeah sure.

That was... easier than I expected. I thought he'd drill me for an answer. He didn't though. Why?

I didn't have much time to think about the answer as the late hour finally started catching up with me. I set my phone on my nightstand and let sleep submerge me in whatever dream my brain had planned.

~~~~~~~~~~
Hey! Different chapter, it wasn't very good either, but whatever. I felt a little burnt out writing this the first time, so if there were any inconsistencies in my writing its because I originally started this chapter a week ago. :| Anyway, thanks for reading, I'm glad you guys are enjoying it :) Thank you all for the support, have a wonderful day/night!! <3