Always Be With You - Merthur

Chapter 28

Morgana pov

Killing isn't something you should feel bad about when you don't have a choice. For example, when the person in question is trying to murder friend of yours. 

Morgana really tried to focus on anything other than Excalibur, cutting through her sisters flesh like butter. The sofa was quite comfortable. And the morning sun, it cast a vague orange glaze over the room, making it appear warm while outside, the winter was busy trying to cover every patch of land with its frozen flakes.  

Two days had gone by now since Lilith... Since Lilith had passed away and she had driven that sword through Morgause's back. It had made her realise that Excalibur was very powerful. She had felt the energy radiating off it like heat. The slow pulsing, like it was somehow a living creature with a heartbeat. It had been the way Morgana had felt it telling her to 'aim right there' and ushering her to be quick without a word. Just a feeling.

It was because of that, that she hadn't hesitated. The sword saved Merlin's life by giving her the confidence she'd needed to do what she did. 

"Morgana."

Morgana jumped at the voice, but relaxed when she saw Gwen in the doorway, eyeing her with concern written all over her face. "Yes?" She said, trying to sound chipper for her sake, but of course Gwen saw through her act. Sighing, she came over and sat down on the sofa, placing a comforting hand on Morgana's back. 

"What's wrong? You can tell me."

"I know I can."

"So, tell me, I don't want to see my friend moping all day."

Morgana chuckled and turned her gaze on Gwen's. God, what did she ever do to deserve her? For a moment, she just looked her in the eye. Gwen holding her gaze, letting her take a minute. Her deep brown eyes observing her kindly with a warmth that no one else had. Just seeing that calmed Morgana. It always did.

Why is she so perfect, goddamnit!

"Is it about Morgause?" Morgana blinked when she heard Gwen's voice break through her train of thoughts. She awkwardly cleared her throat, getting back to the subject and nodded quickly. A kind smile appeared on Gwen's face and Morgana instantly felt better. "You did nothing wrong. Merlin would have died if you hadn't acted." She quirked an eyebrow at her, expression sincere and friendly. Morgana let her head fall onto her shoulder with a breath.

"I know."

"besides, who is to know what she would have done after that, you saved countless lives."

That eased some of the knot in her chest. But there still was this feeling of guilt desperately clinging to her. "Then why do I feel so guilty?" Gwen moved her head to look down at her. "What do you feel guilty about?" That was a good question. It certainly was not killing her. That actually helped a bit. "I don't know."

"She was your sister. Maybe it's got something to do with that?"

It was. Morgana realised. Morgause had done so many terrible things. "Do you somehow feel responsible for her actions?" Gwen continued, asking. She knew her so well, maybe even better than Morgana knew herself. Again, she nodded silently. "Well, then, you shouldn't feel that way. Morgause and you are two entirely different people. You didn't grow up with her and therefore don't have any part in what became of her. She made her own choices, you made yours and when she asked you to join her, you refused. That shows you are a good person. Just because she was your sister, doesn't mean she was your family."

Morgana looked up to Gwen with tears in her eyes, a smile plastered on her face. "Thank you." She then raised her arms to hug her. "I'm glad I met you." Even though Gwen's face was hidden in their hug, Morgana felt her smile against the side of her neck. "Me too. I am happy to be your friend."