Heartbreaking Secrets~

Fucked Up This Time

Warning this story will include self harm, self hatred, mentions of blood, and mentions of razors.

Denki spammed the button to his floor. As he looked between the closing doors he could see everyone's shocked faces. His breathing picked up.

He had just stood up and yelled at all his friends. He couldn't believe what he had done. He slowly backed away from the closed doors and grabbed the handrail. He tilted his head down staring at the floor, his vision blurring with tears.

What if they never want to hang out with him again?

The elevator doors soon opened showing a completely empty hallway.

Denki took a second, "Is he in my room or his? I'm so dumb why would he be in my room? I just fucking want him so bad right now!" He cried out.

He took a deep breath and figured he would go to his room to calm down first then search for his boyfriend.

Once infront of his dorm he slowly twisted to the door expecting it to be locked with one hand ready to grab the single key out of his pocket but to his surprise the door was unlocked. He opened his door all the way and saw Izuku sitting on his bed watching TV.

Denki froze just admiring his boyfriend.

Why does he do this to me?

Whenever I need him he just appears.

He just appears?'l

He's just gonna get bored of me.

What would I do if he left me?

Im too pathetic to kill myself so I'd just watch from a far as he finds someone new.

He would probably prefer a girl.

A girl that can give him kids.

I wish I could carry a child.

I would be able to give him a family.

Our family

But I just had to be a boy

I hate this body

I don't wanna be a girl, I just wanna be able to carry a child

Pathetic me

I just wanna be good for him

Why do I even think I could be good enough

Why am I holding him back?

I'm just a stupid crybaby.

Denki stood there with tears forming in his eyes. He hated crying in front of people, especially in front of his new found boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was to make Izuku worry about him. He tried to hold the tears back, but the thoughts were only itching at him more and more, making him wanna rip his own hair out.

He sprinted to his bathroom slamming the door shut and locking it behind him. He slowly slid down against the door pulling his knees to his head. He hated that he was doing everything that didn't wanna do. He glanced over to his cabinet and shook his head.

No I won't do that!?

Not anymore!

It will feel better

What's wrong with me?

Denki stands up and makes his way to his Cabinet fully opening it revealing a small red box. He grabbed the red box and sat it on the counter.

He looked in the mirror at himself and ran his fingers through his hair, tears began to fall, he looked back down at the box as he rolled up his Pikachu hoodie sleeves. Rolling them up, showing his bare arms. Just looking at his arm you wouldn't see the faint scars that littered his body but if you look closer and know what you're looking for you would be able to see how many covered him.

Some recent, some years and months ago that are still slowly recovering. He opens the box that lies in front of him. He could feel his arms slowly start to shake.

I need this.

It was the only thought flowing through his mind at the moment. He was so focused on causing himself harm that he couldn't hear Izuku banging on the bathroom door.

Denki unlatched the only thing keeping the box closed once the box was opened he grabbed the small hand towel unraveling it. There in the towel lay razors.

He pushed the now empty box off the counter placing the thin towel down where the box had just sat. He picked up a razor. He brought the Razor up to his eyes examining it.

He slowly raised the tip of his finger running it over the sharp edge of the razor watching as it slid into his finger and the crimson blood spilled.

Perfect.

He removed the razor from his finger and placed it on his wrist. He took a deep breath and without a second thought he sliced his wrist. He repeated these actions over and over again moving up his arm giving himself more space to make cuts.

1

For yelling at your friends

2

For being a burden

3

Being pathetic

4

For being a crybaby

5

I'm Useless

6

I'm ugly

7

Making Izuku's life worse

8

I should have just let Kirishima and Izuku kiss during that stupid game

9

They would be a better couple!

10

11

12

13

.........

36

Denki fell to the ground holding his arm as the blood dripped, covering parts of the floor. He glanced down at his arm seeing the mess that he had made of himself. Tears slowly making their way down his face.

"I really fucked up this time."

Denki felt like he was gonna pass out, he closed his eyes hoping it would be over soon. He was focusing on nothing, just the sound of the air kicking on but that wasn't the only kicking he heard. He had heard faint kicks getting louder.

He opened his eyes trying to focus on where the kicking sound was coming from.

He half opened eyes and saw faint movements of the door getting kicked open. He started to hear his Izu crying.

(976 words)