Suicidal Love

Chapter 14

i didnt really come out of my room a lot only to eat something which wasnt that much, i have lost a lot of wheight because i wasnt really eating. I always remembered the mean comments from highschool and middleschool and they made me cry myself to sleep when i was younger. I cut a lot back then, on my wrists and on the back of my arms. I hated myself, Sam didnt know though even though he read my diary with kian when they were younger, because they were ass holes. I still am hung up on KiKi i mean Kian sorry.... he was the only one that i truly loved ive dated him for quite awhile, i remeber our first date a lot, our first kiss and we kinda dated when we were really... really young i mean when he had braces young. Ive stuck by his side, how did Sam not hear us at his sleepovers whispering i love you and kissing. I mean he seen us kiss before but that was truth or dare. I began to tear up a little crying, i walked out and i looked in a mirror and i looked so anorexic i mean you could see my ribs. i finally looked away and walked into Kians room and he looked back with a smile "Hello Aman...." he frowned and scoped my hurt body. he picked me up and asked me if i was okay and i whispered no and i began to cry. he kissed me, not my cheek, but me. when i felt his lips i kissed back and we began to make out and man was it amazing. I sat up "can i borrow one of your shirts Kian?" what oh yeah sure babe whatever. I looked at him and he smiled i love you he also winked wich made my heart melt or skip a beat whatever. I put on his shirt and i walked downstairs with a huge smile, they just looked at my stomach and they covered there mouths, i looked down and quickly walked away covering my face, causing me to cry into my boney hands, i heard Kian walk downstairs and he held me and he kissed me a lot and they stared. "Have you ever seen someone kiss before, guys?" they all looked away and said in unison i thought you broke up. i walked up to them and said i guess not, so i need to talk to JC privatly though guys. Kian frowned and i assured him it was okay. I pushed JC into a corner and he kissed me and it felt amazing and i pulled his curly hair a little. Oh yeah BTW we are secretly dating thats why JC always looked at me when i walked down the stairs because he loved me alot... he kind of pushed me away during that kiss he whisper yelled "WHAT, THE, ACTUAL, FUCK, AMAND I MEAN YOU ARE DATING KIAN STILL WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT ME I MEAN YOU HAVE YOUR EX BACK AMANDA GO JUST GO AWAY FROM ME...NOOOWWWW!"Kian pulled me away "WHY? AMANDA WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT AND WHEN I SAY EVEYTHING I MEAN EVERYTHING!" he said that lloking down and i apologized and he forgave me which surprised me i kissed his neck a little, and we went into his room and we layed down and he asked me if i was up to having sex i agreed and before i knew it... i was moaning a little as people were pounding on the door. I laughed and i accidenally yelled "KIAN WHERE IS THE CONDOM I THOUGHT YOU PUT IT ON!" I heard Sam walk through the door of the house and he jgged up the stairs and i ran over and locked the door and it started to jiggle then i heard hey Kian when your done with whatever your doing come downstairs. I tried not to cry because i was naked and i didnt want Kians kinda dressed body on mine.