The Road Ahead

Adjusting Takes Time

                I get permission to go to the mall for a few hours. Justin, my nurse, decides to accompany me to make sure I don't collapse or anything. I've finally got a body guard. ;) We jump into a taxi and head down to the mall. I never knew a trip to the mall could make me so happy. 

              We walk into Country Girl Living and I see the perfect pair of boots. I then start thinking about how much I enjoyed riding horses and I can't do that right now. I start trying to hide the tears running down my face, but it's getting out of control. I'm doing all I can to keep Justin from noticing. I grab a pair of jeans, a blue crop top, and the boots and run into the dressing room as fast as possible.

            I have to admit, the outfit looks amazing. I clean my face up and go purchase everything. Justin calls a taxi and we head back to the hospital. It's time for my medicine, and I didn't bring it with me so we have to hurry back so I can take it. I think back on everything I was thinking in the store. I think about how I tried to hide my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings. I can't do this alone. I need to talk to somebody.....

"Hey girl, what you up to?"

"Oh you know same old same old. Treatments, meds, breathing machine, our new normal. What about you? Something seems off.  Are you okay?"

"Um actually, that's why I called. You know how I told you that Justin was being the best body guard I could ever ask for while I went to the mall." I pause letting her get out all her laughter. "Well, we were in this store, Country Girl Living, and I couldn't help but think back to how much I loved riding horses and how I can't do that right now since I'm stuck in the hospital waiting on lungs. I just start crying and I grabbed a bunch of clothes, they're so cute by the way, and I run into the dressing room trying to keep him from seeing. Anyway, I just needed somebody to talk to, and I knew you would be there for me and you would understand so I thought I'd give you a call...."

"Girl, you know I'll always be here for you. You definitely called the right person, I'm so glad you came to me instead of somebody like Rachel."

                   We bust out laughing. Rachel is the "queen" or so she thinks. She's a part of our group, and we all joke around about how she thinks she's better than everyone, yet her names on the bottom of the transplant list. All we ever hear is, "Did you forget who you're talking to. I'm better than all of you." We always respond with, "Really the transplant list says otherwise." After a long conversation with Meagan I decide to call it a night. I hope tomorrow is better and my mind will be at rest instead of going ninety-to-nothing.