renegades, httyd

xxxvii. Sincerely, Harald Forkbeard

renegades
chapter thirty-seven

    The Auxiliary Team, Wartihog and Clueless came back empty-handed. I waited outside for them to return for hours, not even taking a moment to sleep as the sun rose and they returned. Wartihog and Clueless saw me━surprised, but they seemed to understand. They didn't need to tell me they didn't find him. They held nothing, and their distraught faces said it all. This information didn't help the anger of Stoick the Vast, and I was quick to sneak away home to avoid the conversation I knew we needed to have. I will talk to him about what to do, but ... but I wanted to wait until he had calmed down. I don't think I could take a blow like that after everything that had hit so quickly.

     Mothers had lost their children today because I had let it happen. Baby dragons will be out there, alone and missing━scared when they hatch, or might not even survive, because I didn't want Harald sent away. Because I wanted answers over something for myself. No one was going to be there to take them home as I had for Sleetstorm. They were doomed, and I had helped cause that.

    I sat on my bed. Winglash refused to stay in the stables, sticking by my side peering up at me with concerned squawks here and there. I traced her scales, but couldn't manage to even cry, despite the ache in my throat.

     I didn't know how much time had passed. I didn't sleep any of it. The sun was fully up in the sky for the late morning when someone knocked on my door. I looked over and saw my mother peak her head through. She looked tired, as well━but more to the pitiful sight that I was rather than anything else.

    I didn't say anything. I couldn't find my words. I just looked back down at Winglash.  

     My mother sighed and walked up to me. I felt the weight of the bed shift as she sat down beside me.

    Astrid looked so much like our mother, it was like you were staring at a mirror. They had the same gorgeous blond braid, blue eyes and soft nose and features. The same build, the same determination━but Astrid's temper was something she definitely got from our father.

    I felt Mum's fingers reach up to my hair, running through the strands to carefully start taking out the ties. Soon, my hair was out, cascading over my shoulders. My bangs━long and annoying━fell into my eyes and Mum tucked them behind my ears. She cupped my cheek so I would look at her, and for the first time since the Hangar, I had tears in my eyes. The ache in my throat grew so big, it felt like it was breaking through━I tried to keep it down, but the need to just suddenly break down was so hard to control.

     She titled her head at me, a little tearful herself. "You are so grown up, now," said Mum, softly. "So grown, and beautiful; mature and thoughtful and brave. I am so proud of you."

     I couldn't stop the tear. But Mum was there to brush it away, smiling. I shook my head, but I didn't look away. "H━how?" I croaked through the lump in my throat. "Look what I just let happen?"