𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 | 𝐒𝐨𝐂

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍.

xii: tudor rose 

"It's you," 

Natasha Van Doren struggled onto her knees, eyes glistening with rhinestone tears. Her hair was knotted in a messy braid at the back of her head, clumps falling out limply. She shoved off her blankets, drawing Alessia's jacket across her shoulders. 

Kaz watched with indifference, slight relief in his chest. He was unsure if she would ever wake up. Three hours had passed and in that time he had redecorated the room to his liking. He used sheets to draw a curtain around his personal sleeping space as well as the toilet and bathing area. 

He pulled himself up in his seat, drumming his gloved fingertips against his knee. "You sound disappointed," Kaz said nonchalantly. He stood up, wrinkling his nose before deciding to reach out an arm to help Natasha onto her feet. "Where you expecting someone else?" 

The girl was too sick to shrug and made a pathetic mewling noise. "The kid perhaps. The healer," She offered, crawling into a corner and sinking her head against the wall. She didn't except Kaz's hand and he stepped a few paces backwards. 

There was no window in the room to signal daylight, not even the slight cracks in the door bearing any notion of the stars. Kaz paced the room several times, the irritating symphony of her gasps guiding him. 

"Do you want water?" He asked, pointing towards the several flasks grouped on the desk. Natasha gave him a foul look before digging her head between her knees. Kaz watched from the other side of the room, watching her without a clue. 

"Let me help you," Kaz whispered, grabbing each of her wrists and gently pulling them away from her face. They dropped to her sides easily and Kaz lifted her chin with the tips of his fingers. The leather was cold against her skin and she leaned into his touch, comforted by it. 

A sob nestled into her voice box, suffocating her words. "Just tell me what you need, Van Doren. I can't help you if you don't tell me," Natasha gave him a hopeless look, shaking her head. She was took exhausted to speak, overcome by the pain burrowing further into her chest. 

He mirrored her expression, helpless. Kaz wouldn't dare to speak a word of parem, unless Natasha bought it up first. He didn't want to trigger a response, which could alarm the others above deck. 

Alessia Ivanov had coordinated a time schedule to slip him letters about the others wellbeing. It wasn't as if he cared much. Kaz Brekker knew there were countless other spiders, healers and sharpshooters in Ketterdam. 

But the prospect of remaining aware, that his mind wouldn't have to be so vulnerable and tortured for two weeks had his cruel heart leaping. With his hand still beneath her chin, Kaz watched as she fainted against the wall. 

He tilted forward to place a hand at the back of neck, gently sliding his other hand down to her hip. Kaz picked her up and draped blankets over her body, careful not to press Natasha to close against himself.

"Water," Natasha Van Doren rasped two hours later. Kaz quickly jerked himself out of sleep, reaching to the table beside him. He grabbed a flask and rolled it towards her, eyes still heavy. "I can't," He squinted his eyes open, watching her struggle with the cork. 

Kaz blinked himself awake, reaching to take it from her hands. He uncorked the flask, and Natasha greedily tipped her head back, allowing Kaz to trickle cold water into her mouth. 

A blush had risen in her cheeks, her eyes not as dull as before. "You don't have anything cruel to say?" He asked jokingly, sitting beside her. All traces of sleep were lost, he was awake and alert watching Natasha intently. 

"I don't think I can do witty today," She answered breathlessly. Van Doren turned to her left, admiring the side of his face. From her view, she could see the slope of his nose his jaw, sharp like the edge of a privateers blade. I face she had grown up admiring, yet simply couldn't remember. 

Not tonight. 

He didn't meet eye contact, training his eyes to linger over crooked nails on the floor. "Tell me something sweet," Natasha whispered, eyes shut. 

Kaz frowned, turning to her. "What?" 

"Something sweet," She repeated. "Like chocolate cake," 

He coughed hard, pressing the back of his hand over his mouth. "You wont find sweetness in Ketterdam,"

"Please," Natasha opened her eyes, lips apart. She looked ill, the golden flush on her cheeks evaporating to red scratches. Her look was pleading - eyes guilty for wanting something so lovely from someone so horrible. 

Kaz didn't know what to say. "Here," He said after careful consideration. Kaz rummaged in the pockets of his coat, pulling a set of worn red and silver ribbons. He placed the red ribbon on the floor, keeping the silver thread wrapped around the ring finger of his left hand. 

"I took this from someone special a long time ago," He laughed as if the memory pained him. "I didn't even feel horrible about making them cry, until they where gone. It's the only thing I have left of them. A pair of silver ribbons," 

She pondered his words for a moment. "That's not sweet. It's awfully sad. Where did they go?" 

"It doesn't matter," He said quietly. "I suppose they're gone forever. Besides, they don't even remember it. There's no point chasing dreams with an abyss waiting at the end," 

"So what are you" Natasha laughed, voice cracking. "A leprechaun that only knows to chase gold? Learn to chase dreams, Brekker," She nudged his shoulder, with a pained grin. "Live a little before it's to late. Trust me I'd know," 

They both sighed, shoulders slumping against the wall. 

"Tell me more," Natasha said. "I've never understood how I could be involved with any of you. Royalty mingling with Ketterdam's finest thieves," 

"Roses," Kaz answered; turning his back to her; leaving Natasha to swallow silence and accept sleep. 

A/N

- yet to edit this. School starts on Monday for me and I'm absolutely horrified. If you enjoyed please vote and comment <3