LOVING YOU // JOEL HOKKA

1. Loving Him Was Hard

Hey guys, I didn't write in ages and it's my first BC fiction, well my first English story too so please give me a heads up if there are any grammar mistakes. I created this acc just to share this story so I don't have any followers atm. I would really appreciate it if you could share this.

Have fun and enjoy this mental rollercoaster with me! (: xx

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Loving him was hard.

Watching my best friend being with other girls through years was not my favorite thing to be around. Although I wasn't so sure about my feelings back then. At first I thought it was a simple "best girl friend" jealousy thing and it's not like I was sitting there by myself all alone and watching him with tears in my eyes. I had many boyfriends as we grew up. It's just that thing, we got along so well that none of my boyfriends made me feel like he did back then. Unfortunately I was too stupid to figure that out just until almost a year ago. I knew he felt something for me too, I wasn't that stupid. Maybe we just afraid that we might lose our friendship if we ever tried to get together. Our thing was just too special to risk it for the feelings we didn't even fully understand.

I was with him the night before my flight to Berlin. We were sitting in his couch, talking about our near future plans and giving promises to each others we will keep our best friend thing going on even when we're far away. I cried a little when I figured out that we won't be able to spend our every moment together and that's when it hit me. We would be missing out on each other's lives and even we made promises, it wouldn't be the same as our lives up to that moment.

That night he held me close and told me that everything's gonna be just fine. He told me that our bound is too strong that a few thousand kilometers cannot break it. That conversation led to an emotional moment and we ended up kissing for the first time. That night we finally accepted our feelings to each other's and we shared a long, sleepless, beautiful night together and that was it. Guys took me to the airport the next morning and we did not mention anything about that night since. All I can think about is these things and mixed emotions while I wait for the big moment.

The background noise of the airport, the laughter, the cheering and the crying filled my ears as I looked to the gate to see a similar face. It's been so long since I last saw them and I was so excited that my hands were shaking and my heartbeats were getting faster and faster every minute. 4 months. 4 fucking months since I last touched him, kissed him, felt him. I didn't know how long I have been here. It could be 3 hours or 30 minutes, I really couldn't process time anymore and lost the track of it.

Just when I thought I saw something similar, a hurrying man hit me from my right and made me drop my phone on the floor. He didn't even stopped to check if I was okay, he just yelled "Sorry!" as he rushed to somewhere.

"Fucking hell." I cursed as I got down to pick up my phone from the floor.

I checked my screen and saw the wide crack that goes from right top corner to the left bottom corner. Great, just what I needed. I raised my head back to the direction I was looking before that idiot hit me. I could have sworn that I saw a long brown haired man, whom I hope to be my beloved friend, Niko. I frowned by the idea of waiting even more to see my friends, well, him as well. They were my family, really, they were. But things between me and Joel were hanging on the air since we last saw each other. We had so much unfinished business and we agreed to not mention it while we were far away from each other. We would be figuring those things, feelings when we're together, side by side physically.

Just when I was about to check my phone to see if there are messages from them that I did not see, I felt a pair of hands pulling me closer to someone. Although I was a little shocked by the sudden move, I immediately knew who it was.

"Oh God! I missed you so fucking much." Niko mumbled into my hair as he hold me close to his body, his chin above my head, smelling my hair. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around him and my eyes filled with tears the minute my brain processed the events. I couldn't even speak. If I thought that I missed them so much, I was wrong. I missed them so fucking much that my legs cannot support me enough to stand alone, I would be on the ground if Niko's hands weren't around me. Soon I felt some other arms joining us, wrapping me close to them as my tears quietly running down my face.

"You're gonna make me cry." Olli said while pressing his thumbs to the corner of his eyes. I smiled at him and he smiled back as my eyes wander over the four guys around me. Niko, Olli, Tommi, Joonas and I were holding each other and created a big human ball in the middle of the airport. I looked at the direction of the gate to see the missing ones.

And that's when I completely lost it. I saw him running towards our direction, pulling a suitcase with one hand, a sports bag on his shoulder and supporting it with the other hand. Completely ignoring the fact that Aleksi was trying hard to catch him while avoid hitting people. Our eyes met and his steps got even more faster. He dropped the sports bag off of his shoulder when he almost hit someone, he didn't care to pick it up back from the floor. He run directly towards me and pushed everyone around me to hold me. I heard Joonas' mad voice to him but he didn't care, neither did I.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my head into it, melted right there in his arms as he pulled me even closer. Here comes the waterworks again.

"I missed you so much." I muttered weakly into his neck and he pulled himself back to see my face. He cupped my face with both of his big hands. God I missed those hands. I missed his touch on my skin. I missed every inch of him.

"Fuck, I cannot wait a second longer to say that." He said with an impatient look on his face. He bit lips before saying the words that caught me off guard.
"I love you."

He pressed his lips against mine, leaving me shocked. I didn't know it would happen this fast when we told each others we would figure this out when they came to visit me. I moved my lips eagerly against his as I slowly take control of my body again. I stroked his nape as our lips move in harmony. I heard boys cheering us and felt how they all smiled at us.

With all my heart, I hoped to be okay. We were waiting to be happy with each other for years now. We deserved it. I smiled into our kiss as Joel's right hand caressed my cheek. I hoped that this happiness lasted forever yet I knew my dreams will be crashed soon. I just didn't know it would be so soon that I wanted to disappear and run from all the things that I have to deal with.

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This first chapter is kinda short but I tend to write longer chapters. It's just a warm up to the story and a little peak of the past. Things are gonna get interesting. Stay tuned!

Also I would appreciate your comments and thoughts about the chapter so please share your thoughts with me. I'm new to the fandom so i could really use some bc fandom friends that I can talk to(: