Missing Piece Of My Heart

Chapter 31

Phi...Let's stop for today. We cant over strain from the beginning, let's take it slowly. Mew didn't have any objection, after all he felt tired too. It has been almost three weeks since he came home. As he had showed fast recovery, doctor has advised to practice walking. After almost ten days of physiotherapy, he kept his first step with Gulf's help three days back, Mew felt like he was back to being a baby who is just learning to walk. Life is so unpredictable, the thought that he would one day face this situation had never crossed his mind. Those moments when he stood on his legs for the first time post accident is still fresh in his mind. He never knew standing for a second would be this painful, but still he was determined to do it. But his legs gave away even before he could put up a fight as he kept forward his first step. If it was for not Gulf who caught him on time, he would have fell flat on his face and then would have gone back to square one that's back to lying down on the bed for whole day.

Mew sighed heavily as he leaned on the bed. Gulf do you think I could go back to how I was before. It's been more than three months, I feel like I am a burden to everyone Tong, Pufai, my children and even you Gulf, despite being just my fake fiancé you are being forced into this.

Mew's words that he blurts out unknowingly at times hurt Gulf badly, it has happened a number of times in the past three weeks. Phi..... am I just your so called fake fiancé , I felt these past days we spend together had brought us closer. Is it just me who though that we were at least friends. And from where do you even get these thoughts. You know what you think so much, it's all in your mind. None of us has such thoughts, I am here on my will and please you should know you are hurting me with your words.Gulf's voice raised as he spoke and glared at Mew.

Mew stayed silent letting the other speak as long as he want. Is it over or do you have anything more to say. If not then answer me, why are you doing this. You are looking after my kids because you love them, you see them as your own I understand. But what about me, this thought has been bugging me since few days. You cook for me, you bath me, help me dress up, give me medicines on time and now you are helping me walk every single day. I am not a fool Gulf, nobody in this world would do all these for someone whom you are engaged for name sake and don't tell me you are doing this because we are friends because I am damn sure even Tong wouldn't go to this extent for me.

Gulf stood frozen on spot, fighting his tears and never spoke a word. Mew stopped for a second hoping Gulf to say something in response. Seeing Gulf standing quiet he continued. Why.....? Every time I look at you why do I see you hurting and why do I feel I am the cause of it. What are you hiding from me. There is no point in keeping quiet now Gulf, if not today then some other day you would have to tell me.

Phi...you might be tired have some rest, we will talk later. Gulf rushed out from the room not waiting for Mew's reply. Gulf shut the door as soon as he reached the room and threw himself on the bed. Would you believe me if I said you the truth, even if you did what's next. Gulf shouted at the walls, as he slowly broke down. His hands clutched on to his chest as he cried his heart out.

Mew stared at Gulf's retreating back. Gulf.. what's the point in running away, it's not like you can avoid me forever. Mew decided to wait till night, when Gulf would come to give him his dinner. Meanwhile he thought back to the past weeks he had spent with Gulf. He recalled the moment he woke up from sleep and found himself locking the younger man in his arms and of course the embarrassment he had when the latter caught him staring at him as he was sleeping. But what amazed Mew was why he couldn't stop staring at the beauty that slept beside him, he had a strong urge to hug the latter tighter. That's when he decided, that would be the last time they share a bed together.

He realized there was something more to all these than what he saw or rather what he was made to see, when he felt everything about Gulf gave him a sense of familiarity, but no matter how hard he though he couldn't point it out exactly. He convinced himself that he was never shy and was alright with Gulf seeing him half nude and bathing him as they both were men. But now he is done with answering his own questions, it's high time somebody else give him answers and that someone is Gulf.

After giving himself some time to cry and think Gulf decided to call Mew's doctor and ask him for suggestions. Doctor what should I do, as he said I need to answer him some day. " Mr. Kanawut you can tell him the truth, as of now he is very positively coping with his memory loss and with your care and love his physical health has seen great recovery. Thank you doctor.

Gulf entered Mew's room with his food and medicines. I would answer all your questions once you finish eating. Mew eagerly ate his food as fast as he could. I will have the medicines when we finish talking. These things makes me sleep, I don't want to miss out things, because of that. Gulf nodded his head.

If you want to know why am I looking after you, my answer is still the same, because I want to. And you are right, we were not just simple friends. It's true, the decision to get engaged was to suppress the spreading rumors, but the engagement was never fake. Yes... I am hurting and your hunch was right, you are the reason. Gulf's voice shuddered while speaking, he bit his lips to stop the sob that was about to escape his lips.

Why didn't you tell me earlier, why did you have to hide it. How???... what should I tell you? How should I tell you that you were my first in everything....how shall I say that you are my first crush, my first kiss and my first love. Gulf, didn't restrain his tears anymore...he let them flow freely, now there is nothing to hide. He let the other see his pain, frustration and how vulnerable he was at the moment. He looked straight into Mew's eyes....Tell me how to tell someone who doesn't recognize me that I crave for his love and I badly want him to take me in his arms and say that it's okay just like he always do. How should I tell him that I gave my first time to him and I miss those times when we made love. Gulf couldn't hold it any longer, he let everything out as once again that day he crumbled to the floor on his knees.

Mew went numb on the sudden revelations, this was more than what he had prepared himself for. Looking at Gulf, he couldn't stop blaming himself. He didn't think even for once before he stood from his bed to approach Gulf. All he had in his mind was he need to stop those tears as he was the cause of it. Phi Mewwww. OMG..What on the earth are you trying to do. Gulf stood up and ran to catch Mew and made him sit on the bed. Are you crazy, you very well know that you are not ready to walk on your own, what if you would have fallen down. No I wouldn't....at least not when you are there. I was sure you would catch me. Mew spoke smiling gently.

I.....I am sorry...I caused you so much pain. You had been suffering alone all these time and I who was the cause had no idea. Gulf was about to protest, but was stopped by Mew. No Gulf...let me complete. To tell the truth I still don't remember a single moment of us together and I don't know when would those memories come back to me. For now I am sure my feelings for you is not love, but I know I enjoy your company, I am loving this friendship we have. May be I like you, but I have hurt you enough and I don't want to get your hopes high. Can we still be like how we are and continue with our life for now. Give me some time....may be till the first anniversary of our engagement...it would come in another one month, by then if I am not able to make a decision.....then let's part ways. I don't want you to imprison yourself in this love and get hurt any more. I may not be sure about my love for you, but I am sure of one thing that's I can never see you in pain. So do you agree Gulf.

I agree.....Gulf would whole heartedly be a prisoner to his love, he agreed because, he didn't want to tie Mew to a loveless commitment. What's the point in holding on if Mew's feelings for him would never come back. He would rather see Mew happy with someone else than seeing him unhappy with Gulf. May be their journey together was just meant to be a short one. But Gulf promised himself to cherish every second from now and then when time comes he would let Mew go and find his happiness.

Another quick update, I am surprised too, to see me updating new chapters. I am sure you guys feel the same. You know, I know that I am a lazy bum. Now back to update honestly I am not a huge fan of this chapter, but for the story to move forward towards an ending that I see in my mind, this one is important. So hope you guys would like it. Keep reading, give your comments and votes. Thank you.