human ~ dazai osamu

29.5 : selfishness

A/N: HEY!! so ahem MAJOR NSFW WARNING!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️🔞🔞🔞 if you are uncomfortable with smut / adult themes then please skip this chapter!!

also if you know me, no you don't 😶

so yeah this chapter is basically just ahem a big nsfw feast uhhh 😳😳 please enjoy but be careful!!
also i'm so sorry if any respect you had for me as a writer is now gone 😔😔 this is my first time writing something like this so i hope it's not too bad :")

~

Yokohama is silent as the many mafia-owned cars come to a halt outside the large skyscrapers of the criminal organisation. Not a soul is in sight as both you and Dazai tread slowly away from your fellow mafioso's and into the heart of the city.

Most of your co-workers, including Chuuya and Koyo, decided to reside within their chambers at the headquarters for tonight - due to the early morning hours and both physical and mental stress - it was the more welcoming choice as opposed to travelling through the eerie city for the comfort of home.

You, however, needed to get away from anything mafia-esque. The mere thought of being in the same building as your boss made your skin crawl with hatred. You needed your home, and the familiarity and warmth that comes with it.

Or at least it did.

Now it was only a shell of what it once was.

Dazai unlocks your door for you, stroking your hair gently - looking up, you see the brunette's soft mocha eyes smile at you.

With trembling lips, you look towards your feet, and bring your hand towards Dazai's charcoal coat, gripping it lightly with your fingers.

He gapes at you with a tilted head.

"Please stay." You mutter.

The executive doesn't have to be asked twice and nods, walking into the apartment with you.

It is silent and brings you grief once more, as if it were that same, bereaving day when you had come home after Natsu's funeral. Everything felt off somehow, as if you had walked into a stranger's house.

You close the door behind you with a solemn gaze, though as your e/c eyes trail upwards your senses are filled with consolation as they land on your lover's soft being.

He was everything to you.

A part of your heart broke the moment you linked eyes upon that stage - not because of the dread of being sold, but because of the agonising worry that this would be the last time you would see his mocha eyes.

His chocolate curls.

His lithe yet zealous hands; the bandages that are wrapped around them with care.

You know your eyebrows in fret, your bottom lip pouting ever so slightly.

You couldn't bear to lose him.

The executive slides the door to your bedroom open; he was going to place his suit jacket and tie on your desk - a repeated practice the man did when he spent the night in your bed. It saved the both of you from scuttling around manically in the morning, trying to find his work tie.

Dazai places his fingers on the fabric and begins to loosen the tie before you run towards him, tackling him into a hug - clinging onto him as he looks towards you with large chestnut eyes.

The impact was more forceful than you had expected and causes the brunette to lose his footing.

"Wh- ah! Y/N-"

He stutters in surprise before falling over his feet, taking several step backs before the back of his knees hit your bed.

You cling to him still with your eyes squeezed shut as he topples backwards, his back hitting the mattress; tie only slightly undone and you lying on top of him, burying your face into his chest.

Dazai is silent for a moment as he stares down at you, countless explanations rushing through his head, before he brings his arms down to hold you, the only sound in the room being the two of your hearts beating in unison – The brunette knew a tender moment was needed.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks, his voice just above a whisper.

You nod, your face still pressed up against his torso.

"Kawabata-san..." He starts, the name feeling like cotton in his mouth as he allows the courage to bubble in his throat. He had wanted to ask you this as soon as he saw you, but was afraid of the answer. "He didn't do anything to you... did he?"

You hear the man gulp as his apprehension forms as dryness in his mouth.

Still not uttering a word, you shake your head, and the tiniest smile appears on your lips as you feel yourself move down with Dazai's chest whilst he lets out a breathless sigh.

"Good."

Your eyes open when he tightens his arms around you, holding you in a warm embrace as he brings his face downwards to rest his forehead on the back of your hair.

He breaths through his nose slowly, taking in the scent of your shampoo. He's amused that you still use the same brand he had bought for you that day and his lips turn in relief, before slipping into a frown once more – holding you even tighter.

"You know..." Dazai mumbles into you, and brings his right hand up to your hair, stroking it tenderly – his fingers weaving in and out of the h/c locks. "Today made me realise exactly how selfish I am..."

You bring your head up slightly so you can see his expression, e/c eyes watching him with interest. His mocha irises are preoccupied within his own thoughts as he gazes towards the dark fabric of your kimono.

"As soon as I saw you on that stage with all those men gawking at you, I felt a kind of overwhelming jealousy rise in my chest." He continues, and motions to where he had experienced this turmoil. "I was enraged, 'Only I can look at Y/N-chan like that.', I remember thinking."

You sit up slightly, facing him completely and he turns towards you with a small smile.

"Selfish, right?" He chuckles, hoarsely.

Sitting up a little more, you stir slightly to move into a more comfortable position – still led on the man's body as you smile back at him.

"Not at all." You mutter with a softness in your voice, before taking one of his hands and intertwining your fingers with his. "Since I'm yours, after all."

The brunette had a flushed cheeks as you spoke, and he swallows thickly before breathing in heavily – his cheeks more crimson then you had ever seen them. You knot your eyebrows towards him before he lets out a chuckle.

"Ah, Y-Y/N, your hand-" He stutters, wide eyes trailing down to where your hand was.

Looking down, you immediately throw your hand away from where you hand placed it – to the side of Dazai's crotch, blushing ferociously in humiliation.

You sit up, looking to the side – not wanting to make eye contact with the man – after apologising profusely.

It grows quiet between the two of you as you both blush – Dazai trying to cover it with the back of his hand and you placing your fingertips to your lips as you think.

Dotting your e/c eyes from the side to the man, something stirs inside you as you gaze upon his blushing form. He seemed so vulnerable with his cheeks glowing and his eyes wide with adrenaline. Your eyebrows raise slightly as you see the tip of his ear poking out from beneath his curly bangs.

In curiosity, you move his longer parts of the fringe away from his face, tucking it behind his ear, a small smirk appears on your lips as you notice the crimson hue of them.

"Your ears turn red when you're flushed." You tease.

This causes the man to turn an even darker scarlet.

"Dazai-kun..." You start, sitting up once more and staring to the side. Your expression had shifted from a taunting smile to a serious gaze into your thoughts. "I was afraid of Kawabata-san using me in that way... it would have been my first time, and I realise now exactly how terrifying it is that something like that can be taken away by someone who simply thinks they have power over you. It's disgusting. I should choose who I want to do that with, no one else."

The said man listens intently, his eyebrows furrowed in understanding. He, himself, wished that his first time was with someone he truly loved – not just a person he paid to pretend he did.

You take a deep breath.

"If it were you, Dazai-kun..." You turn to him, looking into his eyes with a dust of pink on your cheeks. "I wouldn't mind."

His eyes widen and he swallows thickly, before letting out a sigh whilst fluttering his eyes shut.

"Y/N-"

"I want to." You lean closely towards him.

"Trust me, I do too, but it's been a stressful day for you, I'm not sure if it's a good idea." He explains, placing his hands in yours.

"I know..." You admit, looking down at your hands, you fiddle with Dazai's fingers with a frown. "But I think I'm ready. I want to be in charge of my life, I want to make my own decisions – I don't want to be a puppet for anyone."

The brunette is silent as he looks towards you.

You look up, e/c eyes meeting soft honey ones.

"I want to be intimate with you, Dazai-kun, I've wanted to for a while now, I just haven't been able to find the right time... or the right words."

Dazai thinks for a moment, before placing his hands behind your lower back, guiding you closer to him.

"Are you sure?"

You nod.

"Use your words."

"I'm sure, Dazai-kun." You smile.

He flickers a russet eye to the side in thought – making sure to use his words carefully and think things through. He would never forgive himself if you regretted any moment the two of you were together.

"We'll start off slow, and if you've had enough, or want to stop, or anything else, you tell me okay?" He explains, his face was serious, though not in a 'The Youngest Port Mafia Executive Of All Time' kind of way, but in a way you had never seen before. His eyes were stern, yet still held the softness you couldn't get enough of in them.

"Okay." You nod.

Without a pause, Dazai's face shifts into a teasing smirk as he pulls you into him. He was currently sitting up whilst you sat on top of him – knees either side of his hips as he holds your lower back tenderly. You intertwined your hands around the back of his neck, the two of you pressed up against each other with your lips only centimetres apart.

He brings his hands to cup your cheeks as he pulls your face towards him, you exchange a soft kiss, and then another, and another, until you both begin to melt into each other's embrace; lips lingering and fingers trailing through hair and on skin.

Dazai opens his mouth, and you feel the heat escape onto your lips, he pushes his tongue through your lips and a small moan confirms to the man that you enjoyed the feeling. The two of you exchange kisses, each one getting more passionate and irresistible as time danced its way.

Your mind was devoured with only the presence and senses of your lover, it was overwhelming, intoxicating and unconditionally alluring. Your mind and body seemed to be bewildered by the newfound feeling of contentment, so subconsciously, you stir forwards on Dazai's lap.

He lets out an unexpected groan and you break the kiss.

"Oh, a-ah sorry." You stutter, shyly, though the executive only smirks with the inordinate amount of cockiness that you believe only he could manage to muster.

"Hm? It's no problem..." He titters, before leaning forwards, brushing his lips over your ear. "I'll just have to get you back."

A shiver runs down your back making you move once again on his crotch and a sigh of pleasure releases itself from your chest as Dazai begins to kiss from your ear down your throat – his lips feeling like butterfly wings as you tip your head backwards, running your hands through his curly locks.

In a swift movement, Dazai spin the two of you around so your head rests gently on the pillow and he hovers above you – two hands by the side of your face as he rests in between your legs.

"This is familiar." He smirks.

You smile and bring your hands to lace behind his neck once more.

"You won't stop this time?" You ask with a matching smirk.

"Not unless you tell me to, My Passiflora." He answers, before gazing down at you with hungry eyes. Dazai edges towards your neck, before making a curve up towards your ear, the brunette uses his teeth to nibble on the lobe gently and the unexpected pleasure makes an unintentional moan escape your lips.

With wide eyes and a crimson blush, you immediately throw your hands over your mouth as you look towards the executive. Dazai sits back to admire your flusterd form with a grin.

"Huh?" He titters, before leaning back down and moving your hands from your mouth, intertwining his own fingers with your own and placing them softly to the sides of your head. "Let's see if I can get you to go any louder."

His lips instantly attach themselves to your neck, though instead of the small, delicate butterfly kisses he gave you earlier, he kissed your throat more passionately and roughly, making sure to cover every crevice of it with his sweet, fiery love. Dazai then focuses on one particular place that makes you hum in approval, placing all his attention on the sounds that come from your mouth to make sure you felt good. He smirks, before biting down slightly and sucking on your skin, his hands squeezing yours as you moan loudly from the unexpected feeling.

You begin to squirm under him as he sucks on your neck, it was such a strange yet pleasurable sensation – it stung but was soothing at the same time. Another moan and a few whines of pleasure escape your lips and your arousal heightens as Dazai moans with you before he finally detaches his lips from your neck.

His chest moves up and down as he tilts his head, studying the mark he had just made and a grin of pride makes its way onto his lips.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself." He chuckles, his eyes fluttered closed. Dazai then opens them and his eyes darken in arousal as he looks towards your flustered form – your cheeks flushed crimson and heavy breaths escaping your lips as you look up at him with a misty haze within your e/c eyes.

"Ah, look at you~" He teases. "We've hardly done anything and you're flustered already... So, my Y/N-chan, would you like to carry on, or would you prefer to end it here?"

"C-Carry on." You mumble, looking away from him.

"Hm? I can't hear you~" He smirks.

"Please carry on!" You insist.

"Of course."

Dazai then smashes his lips onto yours, his tongue weaving its way through your lips into your mouth and begins sucking your tongue with his lips. The two of your take turns in pleasuring the other with your tongues and several moans escape both of your lips in unison as things began getting more and more erotic.

You shiver in pleasure as you feel Dazai's fingertips tracing your body, gliding them up and down your thighs and waist before he stops at the chest, placing a delicate hand on your right breast.

"Is this, okay?" He asks, in between a kiss, you moan a simple 'yes' and he places his bandaged hand back onto it, giving a squeeze causing you to stir underneath him.

He breaks the kiss, and leans backwards, sitting up and hastily taking off his tie and unbuttoning his white shirt, revealing his toned, yet thin body. You look towards him, lust clouding your vision, but your eyes sadden slightly as you see several scars bandages covering the majority of his torso. Bringing a hand up to feel the bandages, you check to see if they aren't too tight.

Dazai takes your hand and brings it up to his face as he rests his cheek on your palm before kissing it with a smile.

"Would it be okay if I take off your kimono?" He asks.

You nod.

"Mmh, it's getting hot anyway." You beam.

With delicate and rehearsed motions, Dazai unties your kimono and slips the fabric away from your body, leaving you in just your f/c underwear and him in his dark slacks.

He trails his fingers down your body carefully, sending shivers down your spine, before his hands cup both of your breasts squeezing the flesh inwards as he looks with a glint in his eye.

"Take it off." You say, insinuating towards the fabric that prevented his hands to touch the skin of your breasts directly.

He raises his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised by your request.

You simply nod with a smile and Dazai nimbly shifts his hands under your back as you arch your back. In an instant, your bra is on the floor and the brunette is grinning with delight towards your exposed skin.

Abashed, you look to the side. It was only Dazai seeing you like this, so you needn't worry. But it was also Dazai seeing you like this – it made your heart race in apprehension.

The executive notices that you had recoiled slightly and softens his gaze towards your pouting lips before leaning forwards and placing a tender kiss on your cheek.

"You're beautiful, Y/N-chan." He whispers in an attempt to relieve you, but it only causes you to blush with even more intensity.

You both kiss with passion once more before he trails down towards your breasts, leaving slow, delicate kisses with each inch he moved. Eventually, Dazai reaches the centre of your left breast, he kisses gently around your skin bringing his fingers up to pinch and roll your right nipple. An abrupt moan leaves your mouth as he places his lips on your hardened bud, swirling his tongue around the nipple; biting, nibbling, and sucking on it.

It was an unusual sensation; to have something wet play with your nipples like his tongue did, yet it filled you with ecstasy – you run your hands through his hair as you sigh in pleasure.

Soon enough, Dazai had finished his amusement with your breasts and slowly began kissing down your stomach.

He stops, however, just above your panties.

"Do you want to stop?" He asks, looking up to meet your eyes.

You shake your head immediately.

"No." You say breathlessly. "Carry on."

He smiles to himself, before retreating off the bed and kneeling on the floor. You furrow your eyebrows before a small yelp erupts out of your throat as he drags you by your thighs to the end of the bed. Sitting up, you look to him with redness flaring on your cheeks and confusion in your eyes as he merely smirks towards you, intertwining his arms within your thighs – prying them apart.

"Ah~ Y/N-chan, you're this wet for me already?" He teases, trailing his index finger up and down your thigh and hip. It shakes in anticipation. "We've hardly done anything yet."

You purse your lips towards him as he winks, you couldn't find your words due to the arousal you felt in your lower belly.

Dazai starts to kiss up and down your thigh, before he bites down and sucks at your inner thigh, just below your pantie-line. The feeling fills you with pleasure once again – the close proximity the brunette had between his face and the middle of your thighs was enough to drive you insane. He had all the control right now, and you know he'd drive you to insanity.

His lips pulls away from your thigh and he raises his eyebrows, shocked at how big and dark the mark he had made was, before he looks towards your lusting face.

With a cunning smirk, he trails his fingers around your thighs, before grazing them gently across your panties.

A small moan of surprise escapes your lips and you subconsciously try to close your legs, though Dazai's strong arms prevent you from moving even an inch.

He grins in pride.

"Hm? Did you like that?" He smirks, before settling his face inbetween your thighs and hooking a finger under your underwear, pulling them down.

"Now just relax baby." He hushes.

A loud moan erupts from your chest and you have to cover your mouth from the surprise. Squeezing your eyes shut, you bask in the feeling of hedonism, Dazai's tongue on your clit was nothing you had ever felt before; the warm yet wet of his tongue contrasted greatly by the coldness of the air around it; he licked, sucked and swirled his tongue with precise motions in a way he knew you would feel the greatest pleasure from.

Your breathing heavy, you feel him grin between your legs before a small huff of amused air puffs through his nose, stimulating the area and causing another moan to fall from your lips. You bring your hand downwards and run your fingers through his curls as he continues to pleasure you.

Dazai then separates his mouth from your clit, leaning on his elbows as he looks towards you with a breathless smile, placing a kiss on your inner thigh.

"Are you enjoying this Y/N-chan?" He grins.

You nod profusely, still unable to find your words.

"P-Please don't stop." You can hardly get out.

"Of course." He smiles, and then hovers above you, pressing his crotch into your own. "Would you like me to take it a step further?"

Nodding, your cheeks seemingly forever stained red, Dazai tilts his head upwards as he looks towards you with dark, mahogany eyes clouded with a fog of desire and lust, a subjugating grin on his lips.

He brings his fingers towards your lips.

"Open your mouth."

Your breath hitches as a desire for every part of him flows over you like the tide. You obey him, parting your lips and moan as he places his fingers on your tongue.

"Suck them."

You do as your told, and Dazai starts to breath heavily as you roll your tongue around his fingers, sucking them with an expertise the executive hadn't expected you to have.

He takes his fingers out of your mouth, his lips turning into a smirk as he sees the saliva string attached to your bottom lip.

"Good girl." He praises and you feel something stir inside you.

Dazai then resumes his position back to kneeling on the ground and opening your thighs once more. His tongue circles your clit again and as you begin to moan from the pleasure he was giving you, your lower half tenses as you feel his fingers at your entrance.

"Shh, hey its okay." He hushes, and then looks up. "If you want me to stop, tell me, okay Y/N-chan?"

He nod with a worried expression, before settling back down on the mattress, he starts to lick your clit, satisfying your worrying mind once more before a loud groan escapes your clenched teeth as the brunette slides his middle and ring finger into your entrance slowly. Dazai watches your expression to make sure he isn't hurting you, but smirks at how easily they slip into the wetness.

Once his fingers had reached inside, he slowly pulls them back an then in again until you were used to the sensation. You start letting moans out as pleasure begins to build up, Dazai takes this as a sign that you were comfortable and connects his lips to your clit once more.

You hum, sigh and moan as the man moves his fingers and tongue synchronously and you have to grip the sheets beside you from how astounded you felt, it was as if you were floating among the clouds and you couldn't get enough of it. Trailing your fingers down, you intertwine your fingers into Dazai's hair and push his face into you, wanting more pleasure and more of him.

Immediately, his fingers start to pump in and out of you fast and you whimper in satisfaction as the stimulation from both his tongue and his fingers begin to mould into one large lust. Dazai curves his fingers upwards and his eyes widen in delight as he feels your sweet spot, causing you to moan with every stroke he gives you, each moan getting louder until your thighs begin to shake. He pins your thigh down with his free hand and you groan at the undeniable pleasure your head tipping backwards deep into the pillow as you arch your hip towards him.

The noises coming from both your mouth and the area within your thighs made the man's head spin in arousal as he hungrily devours your clit and pumps his fingers in and out, hitting the spot within you roughly but with precision.

You weren't sure if you could take much more of the pleasure, it seemed to take control of your whole body as it filled you up, knotting your stomach. Until finally you felt a heat within you, your heartbeat banging relentlessly in your ears.

"A-Ah! Dazai I-I'm- Ah!" You moan, moving you hands from his hair to your mouth to muffle the deafening moan that was about to leave your chest. You pant in exhaustion as the feeling peaks, before it falls once more and you feel your lower area throb in stimulation.

Dazai doesn't stop, however, he continues to slowly pump his, now soaked, fingers in and out of you, teasing your clit with his tongue so more as he enjoys the last few moments of your climax.

Finally, he backs away, sliding his fingers out from you causing you to moan before he stares towards you with desire, not breaking eye contact as he smirks and licks the tip of his finger. He rests his head on your thigh with a grin.

"Was that good, My Passiflora?" He asks, completely entranced by your exhausted, flustered frame.

Your chest heaves up and down from exhilaration and you give him a thankful smile.

"C-Can we carry on?" You ask and place your hand on his. "I want you to feel good too, Dazai-kun."

His cheeks redden and he lets out an abashed chuckle.

"I already feel like I'm on cloud nine, Y/N-chan, you don't have to worry about me." He smiles and moves towards you, lying on his side next to you. "You've done enough today, besides its..."

He picks his phone up from the floor, the bright light reflecting off of his honey eyes.

"3:28AM.." He continues and turns to you with a soft gaze. "And I'm 100% certain you have class tomorrow."

You pout towards him, though he just laughs and tackles you into a hug, holding you close.

"I love you." He mutters.

Your eyes widen, before softening as you embrace him, tightening your arms around his frame as he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

"I love you, Dazai-kun." You reply, fluttering your tired eyes closed.

The said man smiles to himself. If you were anyone else, he wouldn't have thought twice about carrying the evening on to the early morning hours. But he couldn't stand you regretting something like this. So, for once in his life he controlled himself and listened to his heart.

'See how she feels about this evening, tomorrow and go from there.'



Hypersexuality can be considered as a reactive form of a major affective psychopathology such as PTSD representing the real hidden issues of a suffering person. The patient may feel that their own sexual desire is the only thing they have control of and therefore exploit that control.

– Lilybeth Fontanesi et al. 2021
~

A/N: 😳😳
ahem, you saw nothing.
we will never speak of this again ☺️