human ~ dazai osamu

26 : i'll be gone when the cherry blossoms bloom.

A/N: hello!! there are mentions of self harm in this chapter so as per usual i will put a warning before it is mentioned!!! stay safe :3 <3

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The early morning break of dawn shines through the gaps in your window screen – tangerine and rose mix together to make a soft alluring light to awake you from your restful slumber. Your eyes don't hurt for once as you open them, and you felt like – for once – you had a restful night's sleep. There was no guilt, nor pain and misery from the occurring nightmare you were co-existing beside. It was a normal night's sleep – you felt pleased upon waking up into the world.

You wanted to see Dazai today.

You wanted to ask questions and receive honest answers.

But most of all you just wanted to see his honey pools, with the loving gaze he unknowingly extruded whenever he looked into your e/c eyes.

You wanted to laugh with him, to smile at him.

Tell him the things you had been dying to say.

Over the past few days, a major amount of thought had been running through your mind – about Dazai, about the Mafia – about you.

A decision had to be made.

And today would be the day you do it.

Rising from your bed with a stretch, you saunter towards the light switch on the wall, you pause as you reach the piece of plastic, a frown on your lips. It had been four days now since you talked to Chuuya about the disturbing revelation of your ability, as well as the connection it had with him – it still concerned you that he had no memories from the time you spent together at the children's facility, and it led you to grow suspicious of how much control and knowledge the redhead had over his destructive ability.

He talked so strongly about his – and your own – humanity, though now thinking back towards the conversation, it felt almost like he was clinging onto his own words. That perhaps he wasn't just trying to comfort you, but himself as well. Perhaps he felt differently now about the god within him, since seeing you turn from the average schoolgirl to a inhumanely frightening being, the executive was forced to think about how he – himself – looked when Arahabaki took over.

It's easier to ignore these unsettling thoughts when you're on the wrong side of this perspective.

Now Chuuya had seen Izanami, he felt his humanity slowly sinking away.

You desperately wanted to talk to him about Arahabaki and your childhood's, though you had read enough textbooks to know the dangers of unlocking a memory that refused to open.

Patients who were forced to remember a traumatic incident too early on within their treatment showed signs of increased dissociation and anxiety with each appointment. Their treatment took 4 times longer than the other patients. – Loftus, 1971.

Letting out a sigh, you move your hand to switch the light on before a noise coming from the over side of the room stops your movement abruptly.

You are still, waiting to hear the noise again – it wouldn't be surprising if you had been hearing things, since your brain doesn't function adequately in the early mornings.