human ~ dazai osamu

10 : insecure disorganised attachment

disclaimer: mentions of suicide and self harm in this chapter!
also a very long chapter!

~

Dazai was close at your side as you both made your way though the Yokohama city, you told him you needed to stop by your apartment to check on Natsu briefly before starting ability training. The walk back from the Port Mafia offices was not overly tiresome, it allowed you to take the route through the busy central part of the city. Even during this late hour, it was still bustling with people; high school students travelling in packs after several deafening rounds of karaoke; office workers trudging tiredly through the crowded streets, their ties hung as low as their spirits; masses of drunken, red-faced men slurring incoherent words towards a young girl who innocently passes by.

You caught a glimpse of the tall man beside you, he was glancing at you with a bemused expression. Quirking an eyebrow at him, in an attempt to ask what he wanted, only led him to grin and close his eyes, leaning his head back towards the sky.

"You enjoy people-watching, hm?" He said after a moment.

"I suppose I do." You answered, not giving it much thought and mimicked his pose. "I guess it's interesting how no two people are exactly alike."

Dazai was silent, he looked ahead of him with a disturbingly intense gaze, a scowl appearing on his lips.

"Everyone is the same." He muttered. "Human's are painfully predictable."

"You say human, in a way that suggests you are no such thing."

"Perhaps I'm not." He shifted his eyes onto your own, as he said this.

They looked like conkers, a trickle of crimson seemed to mix into the pool of brown, like blood mixed into chocolate. Something so sinister interlaced into something so sweet. You challenged his stare, your own eyes glowing with a sort-of new found fascination, your e/c pools reflecting his own russet ones.

Dazai liked it when you stood your ground like this. Not many people even dare to look him in the eye, and he was thankful for it - the eyes are the window to the soul, after all. They are the easiest place to read a person's true intentions and desires; a person could pull up a mask of smiles, grinning from one ear to the other in an attempt to make others believe they are happy; but a split look in the sad, despair filled eyes of the mask wearer would make the said mask crack and shatter in an instant. Dazai knew this, perhaps that's why he was so thrilled by you looking at him - really looking at him. He hoped if you looked for long enough you would be able to finally see him - the real him.

The intensity in his eyes fell as your tore your own off him, they lingered on your back as you stepped in front of him.

"Ah, we're here." You cheered, and started walking up the stairs to the second floor of the danchi complex, that is, until the sound of the door opening at Number 1, made you pause and gaze behind your shoulder.

"Y/N-chan!" Mrs Yoshida poked her head out from her doorway, beckoning you over.

"Ne-chan! Welcome back!" Natsu giggled, sprinting out of Mrs Yoshida's apartment, her arms were spread out by her sides whilst she made airplane noises with her mouth. She was so preoccupied with her airplane mission, she hadn't noticed the brunette by your side, so ran full throttle into his leg.