human ~ dazai osamu

15 : the bittersweet warmth of the amber light

A/N: sorry for my absence the last week, I haven't had the energy lately to write but I'm feeling a lot better now, so I managed to create something at least :) enjoy!

~

A peaceful air had landed gently on the midnight streets of Yokohama. Only a handful of cars travelled along the gritted roads, the hum of their engines similar to that of a bumble bees as the many few hurried to their destination. The multicoloured lights of neon signs and lamps resting on windowsills was pleasing to Dazai's honey eyes, he trod with a smile as you rest on his back. The sound of your gentle breath close to his ear made the butterflies in his stomach flutter with every exhale as you slept soundly, ignorant to the unremarkable way you made the brunette feel.

"I'm surprised she came."

Dazai pauses for a moment and turns his head towards the smaller man beside him. He had been so lost in serene thought that he had completely forgotten about his partner who was walking silently next to him. Neither one of them had uttered a word to each other since they were dropped off at the office buildings.

"She must've run miles." Chuuya continues and sneaks a glance towards your sleeping face. You knot your eyebrows and press your lips together as you inhale deeply, before letting out a small sigh, unknowingly blowing air in Dazai's ear, in turn the tip of his ears turn a seashell pink.

The bandaged executive forces a cough and hoists you upwards into a more comfortable position.

"She was dedicated, I suppose." Dazai replies and turns his head to the centre of the street, watching a stray black and white cat drink from a puddle of rainwater.

"The training payed off, I guess, in a way I'm glad she had been pushed so hard by Ane-san, otherwise we would've had to do all the work ourselves." Chuuya states, he sighs and crosses his arms.

An awkward silence fills the air. They both found it rather unsettling having mundane conversations such as these - usually Chuuya would be on the receiving end of various remarks and teases from the brunette. But they had both silently agreed to stay hushed for now in worry of waking you.

Chuuya frowned as a thought crept towards his find.

"I wonder why they're pushing her so hard – Boss and Ane-san, I mean." He mutters, though it isn't unheard by the brunette. Dazai glances towards his partner and takes note of his troubled expression, he copies the redhead's frown and looks straight ahead once more.

"An heir." Dazai states.

The smaller of the two snaps his head in the brunette's direction, a twisted look of confusion evident in his boyish features.

"You don't mean..."

"Mhm." The executive mumbles, he then turns towards his partner with sharp chocolate eyes. "As Y/N-chan is Mori-san's only living relative, the Mafia will fall to her when he dies."

He lets out a hoarse chuckle, his chest moving slightly as the breathes escape his lips.

"I won't lie, it's a weight off my chest." Dazai says. He had always dreaded the idea of being Mafia Boss. As Mori's demon prodigy, the organisation was initially going to be left to him, and the young man would be glued to the tyrannical throne like cement - he would forever be caged in the darkness. "But despite Y/N-chan's skills and ability, she not-"

"She's not Mafia material." Chuuya finishes, his cerulean eyes pierce Dazai's coffee ones, he even moves partially in front of the executive, so they are locking gazes. "You think so too?"

The addressed man stops walking and stares at his partner with a frown. A car passed by; its headlights shine amber rays on the two executives as they engage with each other. Another moment goes by as the car turns a corner and Dazai says:

"I believe she has the potential to be, but I'd hate for her to witness the spark of that potential."

They pause for a moment longer, before Chuuya turns with a disheartened sigh, his hands deep in his pockets as he strides towards your apartment. He wouldn't say it out loud, but the redhead agreed with Dazai. They were both of the same opinion when it came to you - if you wanted, you could probably overthrow both of them, perhaps even Mori himself, you had that strength and your ability allowed you to constantly have the upper hand. But they knew you would never do such a thing, not without the right motivation, so they hoped you never would find that motivation.

The two executives climb up the stairs to the second floor of the danchi complex, Chuuya - who is carrying your school bag - fishes the house key out from the front pocket of the dark blue material.

"You can go home now." Dazai says, childishly. "Y/N-chan has her knight in shining armour, me."

"Bastard." Chuuya grumbles, rolling his eyes as he slides the key into the door. "I'll stay here until she wakes up, just so I know she's alright. I think you're forgetting that she's my subordinate."

The brunette clicks his tongue and the two send each other a dirty look before the smaller of the two pushes the door open.

"Oh? Welcome hom- Nakahara-san!!!"

The two executives blink twice in surprise as their gazes fall upon the scene in front of them. Natsu, equipped with various different hair ties in between her small fingers, is grinning towards them warmly with one of her hands in Odasaku's wavy hair.

The said man peers towards the two men nonchalantly, his reddish-brown hair tied up in several places with pink, burgundy and baby blue hair ties. A Hello-Kitty clip had secured his bangs back to the rest of his locks and a salmon bow had been tied at the back of his hair.

"Welcome back." He says with a stoic expression, the bow tilting slightly as he moves his head.

Dazai can hardly contain a chuckle and brings his chin towards his chest with a smirk as his lips quiver with laughter.

"Odasaku, I didn't know you were into hair styling." The brunette says through suppressed giggles.

The Mafioso smiles a little.

"Well of course, Natsu-chan is the best stylist in Yokohama." His voice is monotonous, but his lips turn as he looks towards the young girl, her head tipped with a grin as she is praised.

"That's right." She nods with a smug smile, her hands on her hips. She then flickers a periwinkle eye towards the redhead. "I'll show you, Nakahara-san, you have great hair to style."

"Like hell you will." Chuuya grumbles, taking off his shoes in the genkan. Natsu pouts with a sigh and turns to the brunette.

"Then I'll just style yours Dazai-san-" a gasp escapes her lips as she locks eyes with your unconscious form on his back. You were draped over the executive's back, your head rested on his shoulder, the tips of your h/c hair tickled Dazai's neck as you slept. Immediately, Natsu races towards you, her violet eyes starting to brim with tears as she realises you aren't awake.

"Ne-chan..." She mutters, her eyebrows furrowed on concern, her hands start to shake in fret as she holds them towards you.

Chuuya places a gloved hand on the 6-year old's back and crouches down to her with soft azure eyes.

"She's okay, she just needs to sleep." He coos. Natsu purses her lips while looking at his expression, she pauses for a moment - deciding whether or not to trust the words of the redhead - before she lets out a breath and nods.

The executive sends her a small smile and ruffles her dark curly hair as he stands up, causing her to pout in annoyance while she flattens her kinked locks, though a small dust of pink on her cheeks as she removes her hand from her head.

"Natsu-chan." Dazai says her name with an unprecedented warmth in his tone - it makes Chuuya grimace as he sits down opposite Odasaku on the floor of the living room. The said girl looks up at him with curious eyes. "Can you help me put Y/N-chan to bed?"

Natsu's eyes lighten up and her lips turn into a wide grin as she nods. The ravenette then takes the end of Dazai's black coat in her small fist and leads him to your shared bedroom.

The two of them walk into the room, though Natsu hurriedly steps to the sides to unravel your crimson patterned futon. The brunette smirks to himself as he looks around the small room, it was simple, though the most prominent part of the bedroom was the abundance of toys and anime figurines - most of which were Sailor Moon, so the brunette predicted they belonged to Natsu. In the corner of the room are two desks, one had various stuffed animals and children's books occupying the shelf, many colouring pencils and pens sat in pots on top of the desk - Dazai noticed the smudges of ink on the prestige surface, a result of hard work from a 6-year old artist, perfecting her masterpieces. The other desk sat next to the first, its shelves were stacked with masses of academic books. As the executive walks towards it he chuckles a little at the huge amount of psychological texts, as well as the handwritten notes hanging from the shelf:

'Strakowki - patients with bipolar disorder found to have differences in their prefrontal, thalamus, hippocampus and amygdala (amygdala particularly enlarged)'

'Beck - depression and the Negative Cognitive Triad (the future, the self, the world) people with depression may select certain information from their negative thoughts and focus primarily on the selected information.'

"Ne-chan wants to be a psychologist."

Dazai looks to the side to see Natsu smiling at him with a tip of her head. Her hands are clasped behind her back and looks away sheepishly as Dazai turns to her completely.

"I don't know what that means, she tried explaining things..." She fiddles with her small fingers as her violet eyes stare at her white socks. "I think it means she wants to help people get better."

Dazai is silent for a moment, he only focuses on the beating of your heart against his back, the weight of your body upon his and your slow breathing by his neck. He smiles.

"Let's get her to bed, hm?" He says in a hushed voice, his lips curving as he peers towards the ravenette.

Natsu nods and pulls the cover away from the base of the futon, enabling Dazai to place you down gently onto the bed. You sigh happily as your head lands on the pillow, Dazai lets out a breathy chuckle as he pulls the cover over you, not hesitating for a moment to brush away the lock of h/c hair that swept across your face.

Natsu strokes your hair with a loving grin, her small hands touching your head delicately.

"There, there, Ne-chan, sleep well." She giggles childishly as she pats your head.

The two bask in silence for a moment, Dazai is almost lost looking at your sleeping form - he cannot get enough of staring, even as you slept you were beautiful, as if you were an ethereal being, sleeping for centuries only to wake when all is good in the world. He is only jolted out of his thoughts by the sweet, small voice of the young girl next to him.

"Ne-chan, will be good at helping people." Natsu whispers. The brunette flickers a warm, chocolate eye towards the girl and an unfamiliar feeling of wholesomeness wells up within him as his eyes land on the expression of your younger sister. She looks at you with so much fondness and delight, that he found difficulty in comprehending that this was an expression of a 6-year old for she expressed so much maturity in her feelings - it even made Dazai a little envious, that a girl as young as Natsu has an understanding of such deep emotions.

"She's always been kind." She continues. "She never shouts at me, even when I've done something bad, she'll always forgive me. And sometimes when I'm upset, she'll know what's wrong without me even having to tell her and she'll know what to do to make it better straight away!"

Dazai watches as the dark-haired girl grins wider with every word. He realises now, through the amber light creeping in from the room outside onto the girl's face, how much Natsu looks like Mori. Their face structure was different, of course, but her eye colour was identical, they held a sharpness to them and her hair - the same darkness of the man's. Though as he listens to her words, and watches her smile grow, he realises that the girl's eyes are not the cold, sly, fox-like ones of his superior - they are like Wisteria. Beautiful, and they seem to sparkle with every word, he is not fearful of them, only entranced with their child-like joy.

It was then he realised exactly how different you both were from your kin. From the Mafia. From him.

You didn't belong in this tainted world you had been exploited into.

Closing his eyes for a moment, listening faintly to Natsu talking, he grins to himself as he imagines you as a psychologist. Your sister was right, you were good at helping people, even without intending to you had helped him - he has only known you mere months and he is already finding life a little more bearable. You would be a profound psychologist one day. He would make sure of it.

"You're both very close, aren't you?" He asks, once the ravenette had stopped talking.

She pauses, a faint blush on her cheeks as she looks down at your soundly sleeping form.

"Ne-chan is all I've really known." She says a hint of melancholy in her tone. "She's done so much for me, but..."

Natsu hesitates.

"But?" Dazai edges on, his voice quiet.

"But I wish she wouldn't keep her sadness inside." She mutters, her head had bowed so her messy black fringe covers her eyes. "Sometimes, when it's late at night and she thinks I'm asleep, I hear her crying."

Dazai's eyebrows knot in concern as she says this and flickers a coffee eyes towards you with pity. He knew there was something you were hiding from him; you had lost so much - it didn't make sense for you to not feel empty at all.

"I wish..." Natsu clasps her hands into fists. "I wish she would stop acting so brave, I know I'm only six, but I understand how losing someone can make you sad! When I remember our parents, I feel like I'm going to cry I miss them so much and I know Ne-chan feels it too!"

Tears had started welling up in the violet eyes of the young girl, her lips were pursed tightly in an attempt to hold back sobs that threatened to spill as she gripped her black skirt, clenching it.

"I wish Ne-chan would realise it's okay to cry!" She whispers through sobs, though the brunette could tell she wanted to scream the sentence in frustration.

Dazai stared, wide-eyed as Natsu expressed her worries, he was frozen in place, unsure on how to comfort the girl. A crying child is a scene many feel uncomfortable around – usually Dazai would ignore a weeping girl on the streets, it simply wasn't his problem and he felt no duty in getting involved. But now, as he gazes upon your younger sister, his eyes soften in concern, an overwhelming feeling of vigilance overcomes him, and he reaches out towards the ravenette.

Natsu gasps as Dazai's arms close around her, she tenses into his chest, hiccupping slightly from her abundance of stifled sobs.

"You're right." Dazai says, calmly. He brings a bandaged hand towards her messy black curls and strokes her hair soothingly. Natsu immediately relaxes into his chest. "It is okay to cry."

As she relaxes into his chest, Natsu's sobs die down to mere sniffles and a smile creeps onto the coffee-haired executive's lips – though he shakes his head consciously.

'Perhaps I'm going soft.' He thinks. Though he presumes his innate paternal instincts awakened upon the sight of the crying girl – everyone has them, after all. Natsu's small hands grip his black suit.

"Dazai-san, you smell like Christmas." She mumbles into his chest, earning a soft chuckle from the executive.

He pondered as to why he felt so differently about this young girl, he felt comforted by her warmth on his chest – opposed to any other 6-year old on the street, crying out of hunger, loneliness, or perhaps even death. Dazai wouldn't spare them a second glance, let alone a reassuring embrace. He flickers a mocha eye towards you, still dozing peacefully, and it softens with a smile as he realizes.

Natsu is precious to you. You are precious to him. So, in turn, Natsu is also precious to him.

A hum of serenity passes through his lips and he returns his gaze onto the ravenette resting on his chest, who has closed her periwinkle eyes, a eased smile on her face. Dazai then sighs, moving himself, causing Natsu to open them with a curious expression.

"Come on." He says, softly, standing up and stretching out his hand. "Let's leave Y/N-chan to sleep. Didn't you want to style Chuuya's hair?"

She lets out a giggle and takes his bandaged hand, and they walk towards the sliding door that leads to the main area of the apartment.

"Nakahara-san said he wouldn't let me." She pouts.

Dazai chuckles at this.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he let's you."

It seemed that Dazai Osamu had risen within the ranks of the Natsu Likeability Tier this evening.

~

It's warm. The familiar crimson futon is heavy on top of you, but it is comforting, nonetheless. A nostalgic scent awakes you completely from your slumber, the tasty smell causes your mouth to water as you recognise the scent of Japanese pancakes. Peeling your eyes open, you squint as the amber light from the main area of the apartment creeps in through the crack in the doorway.