Harriet's Arrangement

Pasting on that smile

She felt that each week he drew a new line for her – a new line that made her feel like she was stepping further and further away from rational thought, and deeper into the confused universe where Malcolm's way was the only way, and ensuring he was satisfied was the only thing that was important. 

A part of her still wanted his approval for obeying, or for submitting, felt a humiliated sort of glow when he told her she was a good girl or that she'd done well... but a much bigger part of her knew she mustn't feel that, and that would only make things worse. His appearances in the office now more often than not threw her into a spin of panic, and she would avoid his gaze at all costs. He still often sat in on meetings, and when it was a room full of people, she managed to shift her focus away from him in order to function sufficiently: when it was just her, Kieran and Johnny and Malcolm was silently observing, she found herself speaking as little as possible, so difficult it was to not focus on that imposing presence that had such complete power over her.

When her period came one Thursday morning, she panicked completely; somehow she had so far avoided the two overlapping. The first day was always the worst, and the idea of dealing with that and Malcolm all in one day was almost too much to handle. She wrote several drafts of an email with excuses for why she couldn't attend, none of which she sent. She dialled his number multiple times and clicked cancel before calling every time. She was too afraid of his reaction.

She found herself still dithering when the end of the day came, and in the end she was late – something that only happened once before, when she had considered simply not turning up but had been too scared to do so at the last minute. That time he had looked at her disapprovingly. "You're late," he'd said simply, "You won't be again." And he had proceeded to secure her wrists and ankles to the spanking bench and paddle her until she sobbed, with no warm-up at all. And then he'd said. "And now we'll start our session, shall we?"

This time he looked almost incredulously at her. "I would have thought, young lady, that your punishment for lateness last time would have encouraged you to be more punctual."

"I'm sorry, Sir," she whispered, staring up at him imploringly, "I didn't know how to say... what to do... I'm... it's..."

He raised an impatient eyebrow and she swallowed.

"It's that time of the month, Sir," she whispered, colour flooding her cheeks, "I..."

"I see," he said, "Well you'll just keep your panties on then, won't you? It's not really much of an excuse for lateness." He said the word 'panties' in a way that made her cringe, like he was mocking her in some way. She swallowed and felt tears prick her eyes.

"But I won't punish you for it this time," he said, in what should have been a kind way but was somehow simply more threatening, "Shall we begin?"

She thought he had perhaps been a little gentler than he normally was on that session, and a few weeks later when the same thing happened, she was a little braver in telling him, and he nodded his understanding. She had foolishly hoped he might allow her to skip those sessions, but expecting a man like Malcolm to understand something like that was ridiculous she supposed.

Once she had asked him why he was doing all this. It had been a brave thing to do, and she hadn't done it lightly. He'd just used a strap on her until her thighs were red and raw, and as he called her back after her corner time and examined his handy work, she had whispered her helpless question.

His hand, wandering over her sore thighs and between her legs, stopped, and he spun her around to face him and looked at her for some time before speaking. "Because you need it just as much as I do, Harriet," he said, his eyes boring into hers, "I knew it from the moment I first took you across my knee. You crave these sessions when you're away from me. When I see you in the office, your submissive, terrified gaze makes me want to thrash you there and then, no matter who is watching – and you want it too. But I can't. So I do it here."