Everything is fucked up. Because of me everything is fucked up. I have such an impact on the people around me that I'm not sure I can even handle. People shouldn't rely on me for things or thrust me things. I'm the crazy lady. I mean that is why Harry left me before. I want to be better for him. Better for everyone but especially Harry. He means so much to me that I can't hurt him again. Everyone thinks that he has it all figured out when he doesn't. He's a 21 year old with the whole world judging his every move. I'm surprised he's not on medication like me. But that's what its like to date him too. Having the world judge me because of Harry and to have random girls hate me just because I date him. Everyone weasels their way into people's lives and don't think twice on how others feel. And I hate it. This is my life. My fucked up little life and the last thing I need is a bunch of 12 year old girls probably sitting in their bedrooms in their One Direction onesies saying how much they hate me.
The shower helps a lot to just wash away the stress from the past couple days. It loosens up my muscles making me feel more relaxed. Maybe I should start doing yoga or something. I think Harry does yoga so he can probably help me there. I get dressed in yoga pants and a purple Pink Victoria's Secret sweatshirt then lay in bed. I look at my phone and see a text from Harry.
H: hey love. Lunch?
Me: I'm not really in the mood to go out. I just want to be alone.
H: why? What's wrong? Did you take your medicine?
Me: yes Harry. I took my medicine.
H: don't get mad. It was just a question. What's wrong?
Me: nothing I just want to be alone today. Not feeling myself.
H: okay. Call me if you need me
Me: I will.
H: I love you xx
Me: I love you
I put my phone on the bedside table and close my eyes. He loves me. I have no idea why he choice me or why he loves me but he does and I can't thank him enough for it. Apart of me feels bad that he loves me. He deserved better and he chose me. The girl that has to take medication to remember what's going on and to stop herself from spiraling out of control. But then another part of me is grateful. He's willing to help me through it all and I know that I can count on him not matter what. He's my everything right now and I hope that I'm his as well.
I spend the day by myself locked away in my hotel room but gets up to go to the concert. I know that I can't miss it. I get to the venue and I don't hear the normal noise from the dressing room.
"What's up guys?" I ask walking in everyone "shh"ing me as soon as I speak. "Sorry. What's up?" I whisper.
"Harry's sleeping," Niall says pointing to a sleeping harry cuddling a teddy bear on the couch.
"My baby," I smile and come over sitting in front of him on the couch. "Harry," I whisper moving some of his hair away from his face. "Cmon baby."
"Mhm," he mumbles as he starts to move his body and opens one eye to look at me. "Hey love," he smiles and stretches. "I thought you wanted to be alone?"
"I couldn't miss the show," I say and sit next to him on the couch once he sits up. "What's with the teddy bear?"
"It's for you. Me and Liam went to s carnival last night and I won it for you," he smiles and hands it to me.
"Really?" I smiles as I take the teddy bear and give it a squeeze. It smells like Harry so it's perfect. "I love it."
"Good love," he says as he kisses my head. "I think it's almost show time."
"Five minutes," Zayn says.
"Five minutes," I repeat smiling at him.
"At least you're in a better mood," she chuckles.
"Yeah. Just need some alone time."
"What did you do?" He asks as he gets his shoes on.
"Nothing. Just laid in bed. I was actually thinking of taking up yoga or something to help me relax."
"I know another way to help you relax," he smirks at me.
"Harry!" I laugh. "That's dirty!"
"But oh so funny babe," he chuckles and kisses me. "I'll see you out there?"
"Of course," I smile.
"Perfect. I love you," he says before kissing me again and leaves with the boys.
"And I love you."
