Overly Evil Has an Adventure

Overly Evil Talks to a Giraffe

"Paul! I want to do something exciting today!" Overly screamed as he examined a shirt in the mirror. He turned around. "Pink or blue?"

Paul nudged his glasses higher on his face and squinted at the two shirts. "I think yellow would be more exciting."

"No! Not yellow! Yellow reminds me of bananas..." Overly shuddered. "I think I'll go with pink. It has that nice, friendly feel to it."

Paul stared blankly at the screen of his calculator. He was still stuck on level eleven of Block Dude.

"Let's go to the zoo! I love animals! They throw poo at people!"

"But it's not Tuesday! We would have to PAY!" Block Dude would have to be ignored for the time-being.

"Paul. I'm a super villain! I can just sneak in! And you can pretend you're ten and get a discount."

Paul scowled. He wasn't THAT short. "You know how I feel about prairie dogs."

"We'll stay far away from them, I promise. C'mon, Paul! I really wanna go!! Please please please!!"

"Ugh, fine! I'll get the Nutty-mobile. But we are NOT getting Dippin' Dots this time! Three bucks is a total rip-off!"

Overly smiled and skipped off to get his baseball hat and toy monkey. It was one of those monkeys with Velcro hands and a tail that when pulled let out a howl. He fastened it around his neck and ran out to the car.

The Nutty-mobile was painted bright yellow and sparkling with the fresh dew of the rising sun. A tree up above whistled in the late summer air and a single broken leaf floated peacefully from the overhung branches of the beautiful green giant. Its gentle surface caressed the glistening windshield of the Nutty-mobile for all of two wonderful seconds, then Paul cranked up the leaf blower and the dew and leaves were replaced with a bunch of ugly dust.

Overly smiled at Paul's fine work and climbed into the passenger seat of the peanut-shaped car. "I can't wait to see the zebras. Hey Paul, are zebras black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Paul rolled his eyes. "They have an equal amount of black and white-"

"NO!! Haven't you seen Madagascar? They're totally black with white stripes!!" Overly giggled like a little girl and buckled his Green Goblin-themed seatbelt. "I love movies. Especially Veggietales! WHERE HAVE ALL THE STAPLERS GONE?! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PAPERCLIPS?!"

Paul adjusted his ear plugs and drove off to the zoo while Overly commenced to sing every Veggietales song he knew. He knew twenty-six. Every word and note.

Tickets at the zoo were fifteen dollars each. Including five dollars for parking, Paul had to pay a whole $35 for this trip! Just to see a bunch of monkeys! Well, at least Overly was happy. Mr. Evil was giddily jumping up and down as he yelled monkey sounds at the chimpanzees. They ignored him. They must get that a lot.

They kept walking and found the farm. "Ooo! Paul! Take a picture of me on the cow! It's sooo plastic!!" Paul took a picture with the 5-mega pixel camera built into his Verizon iPhone 4G. The flash ruined it, so he turned it off and took another one.

Overly was afraid of the reptile house. He asked Paul to hold his hand and take him in there, but Paul refused. It was time to go see the zebras. However, the zebras were nowhere to be found! Apparently they all had the flu. (Zebras get the flu?) So instead of seeing the zebras, they had to watch the giraffes.

Paul's note: For those of you who don't know, giraffes are the most boring animals on the planet. All they do is slowly chew their food and stare at you like you're a rock. Not to mention, they smell like feces and they never move from one spot. Their long necks give them an excuse to be lazy because they can just lift their heads and get food. It's despicable, and no one should be succumbing to their devilish pride, but some people just can't get over the oddity of the long neck. It's a NECK for zebras sake!

"Paul! Look! It's a giraffe!" Paul face palmed and sat down on a bench. "Hey it heard me! Look I think it likes me!"

"That's great, Overly. You should hire it to be your assistant and promise to quadruple his salary after four months... and not do so even though it's been six years..."

"Yeah, okay. Hey! Giraffey! Can I call you Giraffey? How about Greff for short? Yeah? Hi Greff. Hehe. Greff's a funny name. I made it up."

Paul bought some pink frozen lemonade.

"Hey Greff, have you ever eaten a snowball? I have! My mom told me not to because it had brown stuff in it but I was like, 'Mom! I'm thirty-three years old! I can pick my own food!' And then she told me to get out of her house and get a real job, so I went and found Paul and he said I could do whatever I want as long as I pay him! So I stole the identity of my dead uncle whose will was never found and I used all his money to buy myself an evil lair! It's really nice. I have my own loft and Cyclops pajamas. Sometimes I read Captain Underpants to my pet rock, Sydney. She's really sweet. Or 'simpatico' as she would say. She speaks Mexican. I found her in New Mexico, but there's really no difference between New Mexican and Old Mexican, except wrinkles. I hope I never get wrinkles..." He rubbed the scruff on his forty-year-old face. Paul took a bite of his frozen lemonade. Brain freeze.

Overly continued his conversation with Greff about Sydney, the Mexican-speaking rock, and Veggietales, and Spy Kids, and orangeanade for about four hours. They tried to hide in the fountain with the penguins, but the zoo workers finally found them and sent their soggy butts home. Paul only sped a little bit on the way back. It had been a long day; he didn't really feel like threatening any police officers.

Overly woke up screaming in the middle of the night. "PAUL! SYDNEY'S ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH! CALL AN ANTBULANCE!" Paul put in his earplugs, and went back to sleep.