Dragged Down By Her past

Blame- Blake's POV

Blake's POV-

"You ready?" I asked her softly as she just stared at herself as she stood in front of the bathroom mirror.

"Are you sure that I should be going?" She asked hesitantly for at least the fifth time.

"Amelia..." I sighed in exasperation. "Milly, baby," I spoke softly and pulled her into me, wrapping her up in a hug. "You're a part of this family now too. We lost apart of our family. The least we can do is go pay our respects and honor our fallen members. Besides... Diego has said that we all have to go."

"Yeah, but..." She sighed.

"But?"

"It was my plan that got them killed, Blake. How am I supposed to go up to their real families and offer my condolences? How am I supposed to even look at them?" She asked shakily.

"Milly, they agreed to the plan too. We all did. They died protecting us. I know that you don't understand because you got accepted by Diego in a different way than all of the rest of us, but we all took oaths before being accepted. The Kings family becomes your own family when you come into this gang. You have to be willing to lay your life down for your family. They were doing their duty for us all, Milly. They all knew the repercussions before they went in. This is not on you, baby. This is on the Mendezes. We are all fighting for our family."

She sighed but nodded. I knew that I had not reached her. She didn't understand, and I didn't know how to explain it better. It was hard because she took responsibility for everything, even things that were out of her control. I knew that she was conditioned to do that by Marcus, and that was her default reaction to everything.

I led her out of the house while squeezing her hand firmly, reminding her that I was there with her. We were both silent as we made the long trek over the hill towards the on-site burial ground on the other side of the vast property.

The cemetery was made up solely of gang members. It was where you were buried if you died while on duty... There were far too many bodies buried in there.

When we finally made it to the edge of the property where the gravesites were, Amelia almost turned around. The mood was somber, heavy, and there were a lot of people sobbing. In fact, the crying was kind of drowning out everything else.

One of the men left behind a fiancé; they were due to wed in only a couple of months. One of the other ones left behind a widow and two kids. The other left behind his husband and a dog, even the dog seemed to be whining as he stared at his owner's closed casket. All these people lost someone they loved over the Mendezes... We all had.

"Please Blake..." Amelia almost whimpered. "Let me go home. I-"

"Amelia," Diego cut off her whispers to me.

"Diego..." she drew out quietly with a sigh.

"Come sit up front next to me," he told her and took her arm from me, leading her. "You come too, Blake."

"I don't think that I should-"

"Nonsense," Diego shushed her as she began to speak. "You're one of the biggest hopes in this war, Amelia. These men respected you. Their families are comforted by you."

"What?! That doesn't-"

"The Mockingjay," I cut her off before she drew too much attention to herself. I just hoped that she would listen to me before she caused herself to have a serious panic attack. "You're our Mockingjay, Milly. I know that you've read The Hunger Games. It's just like Katniss and the rebellion. You remember how much self doubt she always had and how she constantly was in survival mode? She didn't totally understand the pull she had over people either because she was constantly doubting herself and consumed with thinking that everyone has an angle that their playing at. You're our Mockingjay. We all look to you to give us hope and direction. They didn't die because of you, baby. They died because we all believe in the fight that you helped us believe we can actually win. Their families see you and remember what they were fighting for. This isn't some simple territory war... It's about everything that the Mendezes do. It's about all the hurt they've caused us all and stopping them."