Time Spent In Eternal Endings

Running in Circles

Hermione wanted him to touch her in ways she'd never imagined he would. She wanted him so close to her that the space between them was negative. But now she didn't need to imagine because now they were laying beside each other breathing heavily after Draco gave her an experience she'd never had with anyone else. It never felt like that with anyone else.

But was that really saying much?

She pulled the sheets back over her. It was too hot for the cover. Draco reached over to grab something and when he turned towards her he was holding a vial. A contraceptive potion.

"You have a stash for all the girls don't you?" Hermione joked, but it wasn't fully a joke.

"No. Just you." He didn't sound like he was joking in the slightest and that made her a little queezy.

She reached out for the vial and downed it with a gulp. Hermione went to get comfortable near him, but he made a sound of discomfort as if he was in pain and quickly threw his boxers on as he walked to the bathroom.

Hermione sat up concerned with the sheet covering her. "Is something wrong?"

His next words sent her head spiraling. "You need to leave." 

His voice wasn't soft and it was hard to think that the voice was coming from the tender lips she'd just kissed a few seconds ago.

"What do you mean I-" he cut her off.

"Granger, leave. Now." He didn't look at her— not once. And with that, he shut the bathroom door. Putting a gap that she wasn't comfortable bridging in between them.

Her heart sunk into itself. Did he just use her? Was that all she was to him? Just some toy he could use and then discard when he got what he wanted? Should she really be surprised though?

Hermione quickly sat up and grabbed her shirt off of the floor and angrily tugged it over her head. She faced his way with a look of pure rage, but all that met her stare was an oakwood door.

She yelled across the room loud enough for him to hear, anger filling her tone. "Merlin you're pathetic. You know, at first, I thought that maybe this might actually be beneficial for both of us. What a joke that was right? Did any of this mean anything at all to you? Or was it all just for your own emotionless gain?"

She was met with silence once again, but she could hear slightly quickened breaths through the bathroom door. The silence only made her that much angry. 

"Answer me for Merlin's sake! Say Something!"

And with that, he opened the door. He looked as if none of this was affecting him whatsoever. Like the world could be burning around the two of them and he wouldn't even blink an eye.

She pointed a finger toward him as his silence fueled her anger like gas to a flame. "You look at girls like they're your plaything and it's sickening Draco. You don't see them for who they are in themselves but rather how they make you look. How they add to your life like they're some sort of accessory. That's how you look at me isn't it?" Her voice became broken. At that moment she almost laughed to herself because she could've sworn something like empathy shone in his eyes. "Maybe someone else will put up with it and settle for far less than they deserve, but not me. Not ever." She put her remaining clothes on as she prepared to leave.

He didn't look at her as he started to speak which just made her even more angry. "This isn't about that. Hermione-"

"Then what is it about?! Feel free to tell me whenever it's most convenient for you. And don't say my name." Her voice was firm, but it shook.

"I don't understand I thought you said this was okay?" He gestured between them as if there was something in the space between them that could describe what they had going on. "What changed?" He almost sounded hurt like he was the one being wronged here.

"Nothing has changed."

"Ok, so then what's the problem?" He sounded frantic like he cared about her leaving. He could've fooled her.

"That is the problem. The problem is that nothing has changed. I can't do this." She motioned to the room and space around them. The feelings unspoken between them floated in the space between them.

Draco looked up at her with worry in his eyes and his breathing was heavy.

"Look, I'll be honest. I care for you, I do. More than I thought I would and a lot more than I intended. And I know what we said when we started whatever this is. And so I know that makes me a fool, but I didn't stop because I thought maybe you might start to feel the same way and whether you do or you don't, I'd rather not know." Tears started to gloss over Hermione's eyes, but she forced them back. His worried and hurt expression pained her. "If you want this, if you want not just me but something more than just sex, then something needs to change...I'm asking you to put yourself on the line Draco. I can't keep playing this waiting game." She huffed a breath that she'd been holding in.

She could've sworn she saw his eyes turn glossy. "You don't understand. I- I can't tell you what's going on, but-"

She huffed out a laugh. "Of course, you can't tell me. I don't think I ever expected you to tell me anything quite frankly." She walked to his door and opened it. "Unlike you Malfoy, I know what I want and don't cower away from the consequences. So no, I'm afraid I don't understand. I feel for you truly for not knowing what it is to love." She shut the door behind her as she walked out.

Her heart was beating rapidly from the rage that was bubbling side of her. She was so frustrated and upset that she couldn't help but cry. Her tears were mixed with anger and loss. Did she really lose him though? She couldn't imagine what that could possibly be like because she never fully had him.

When she got to her room she slumped in her bed. How could she be so ignorant to think that he would actually change for her? How did she let it get this far? She gave her body over to him on glass China and he devoured her and just shattered the plate once he was satisfied. She felt at a loss and here she was back in the bed that she ran away from, now calling it her safe spot when before it had been the opposite. How funny life is.

The pain in her chest throbbed and she didn't sleep. She couldn't keep her mind away from what just happened. Draco's scent was still wrapped around her like a python even though she bathed in her own tears. She closed her eyes and focused on the eternal black space of her eyelids as images of them replayed in her mind. Tears escaped her closed eyes no matter how tight she shut them as she realized it was all just eternal endings. Nothing really began, but it all seemed to come to an end. And maybe she just needed to come to the realization that no matter their history, a future with them both in it just wasn't a possibility. What a painful realization that was.

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