A Drop In The Lake

pleas for the once smiling boy

Alessa

Shit, why did I think this would be a good idea? I only invited him here to talk about the comment Max made earlier.

Cameron shuffles on my bed, obvious to the awkward air oscillating around the room. I told Dana that I wanted to have a chat with Cameron tonight, and as someone who's not big on drama or distractions, she opted to sleep in Brook's room tonight.

"So..." I begin, the embarrassment clinging to my lips and making me choke on my own breath.

Cameron lets out a slight chuckle and motions for me to take a seat next to him.

How does he do it?

I squeak off of my desk chair, the sound shooting through the room like a bullet through clouds, and settle next to Cameron. I take a moment to allow his calm to seep into me, breaking down my defenses and dropping a knot into the pit of my stomach.

"Alessa. Please don't be afraid of me now." Sighs Cameron, leaning back against the wall that lines the side of my bead.

The knot dissolves into my stomach acid, and a new sense of urgency fans the spark of curiosity into a flame.

"What did Max mean?" I relent.

"Gettin' right into it I see." Relents Cameron, moving forwards so his posture is directed towards me.

"Cameron, please. It's killing me." I joke half-heartedly, knowing full well the vigilance that tip-toes around this relationship, and how this conversation can open up the floodgates of distrust.

"Fine. But—"

"But what?" I interrupt.

"But. You can't interrupt me, and you have to understand that I suck at putting thoughts into words. Okay?" Points Cameron.

I nod, beginning the promise of silence and acceptance.

"Yes, Max and I used to do some questionable shit. We smoked weed, snorted coke, drank. We did dumb shit. And I'll admit that because I know I can trust you. But I didn't do it because I necessarily enjoyed it, I mean, it may have ended that way, but it sure as hell wasn't my intention going into it—"

"Then what was?" I interrupt, immediately covering my mouth with my hands.

"Shit, sorry." I plead.

Cameron gives me a timid smile before adding, "It's fine. Anyways, I did it to get my parent's attention. I didn't want to be everyone's golden boy, so badly that I tried to destroy my image all together. Of course my parents weren't having any of it, so they just signed me into a rehabilitation center. When they found out why I did what I did, they were broken." Cameron lets out a silent cry.

I move to put my hand in his, but he instantly grabs at both of my wrists.

"Do you know how hard it is to look at your parents and see disappointment staring you in the face? Or, better yet. Do you know how hard it is to live with the guilt of your parents being disappointed in themselves because of some selfish shit you did? It fucking sucks." Wails Cameron, his final bit of diamond armor peeling off of his chest.

I quickly grab Cameron's torso and hug it into the depths of my own despair for the life this man had to live. Cameron takes all he can get and plunges his head into the hollow of my neck, his tears slipping past his guard and down my collar bone.

My actions kick into overdrive as pleas for the once smiling boy push me to hold him tighter.

This is Cameron. I want Cameron.