IN MY HEAD

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN- REASONS.

"A child that's been abused by it's parent doesn't stop loving it's parent. It stops loving itself" ~Shahida Arabi

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*CHAPTER SEVENTEEN*
_REASONS._

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"Riele?, Riele!". I heard a familiar voice call my name. It sounded like the owner was frightened, the shaky tone of the voice had given it's owner out already. I tried opening my eyes. My eye lids just wouldn't budge, I figured they might have had a spill of lash bond whose effect was to keep them glued together.

"Riele, please open your eyes, you can't die now. I'm sorry". I heard the same voice speak again, amidst sobs this time. I opened my eyes, I found myself still in my room. The whole room sparkled like nothing happened in a few hours earlier. I tried to look at myself, I was wearing a baggy white shirt. I didn't have a different look with the room I couldn't help wondering if I'd just had a bad dream. I tried sitting up but the excruciating pain shot at every part of my body. I yelped in pain and dismissed the thought of pinching myself, it dawned on me then that the feeling was all real. I saw tablets of Ibuprofen with a glass of water on my side table, a painful moan escaped my mouth. I found it harder to swallow the two tablets I'd peeled off the card. I wished it could ease both my physical and emotional pain. When finished, I came to full consciousness of my surrounding and noticed the presence of a being, Benjamin. I made up my mind not to call Benjamin my father again. He was not worthy to be that even less mine.

"What are you still doing here, aren't you satisfied already or do you want to strangle me so you can rest? ". I asked him angered and irritated by his presence.

"Please Riele, I wouldn't have done it but I had reasons..., my reasons please listen to me". Benjamin pleaded, he'd began sobbing again.
_REASONS_ What does he mean reasons? Why would a man have a reason to rape a girl, wasn't it absurd? Now, my father was here saying he had a reason to rape me, his daughter.

"Please say something, please forgive me". He continued his head bowed. People often ask for forgiveness expecting an answer almost immediately as if it's a piece of cake.They act as if even when punished, it would be a slap on the wrist. I was assaulted not only by one man but one man along with three other men grown men. Only God knows the kind of sexually transmitted disease that had been transmitted to me. I detested Benjamin, the man who called himself my father.

"Get out!". I screamed whilst tears started gathering in my eyes. I was doing my best not to cry in front of the beast. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that he wanted. He shouldn't see me as vulnerable. I was trying so hard to fight my tears but this stupid man was hell bent on pestering me with his apologies.

"Riele, I have reasons, please hear me out".

"What stupid reasons!". I yelled, the tears already trickling down my face. I was broken, I couldn't fake being strong. He was coming closer to me.

"Don't touch me, just get out". I shouted.

"I had reasons, here me out". He begged.

"Get out!". I screamed closing my ears. My throat already felt dry, from all the shouting and crying.

"I didn't want to go to jail". He said. What did he mean by, he didn't want to go to jail. That was a stupid reason.

"What did you just say?" I asked.

"I didn't want to go to jail. Three years ago, when we came to Nigeria for the holiday. I raped Pablo's sixteen years old daughter. He caught me in the act and threatened to take me jail but I promised him once my daughter turns sixteen he would do the same thing. He agreed and told me unless I joined in the act I wouldn't go to jail. I totally forgot about that deal until he reminded me today when you got back from school". He explained. That explanation sounded like a poorly crafted lie, a stupid one at that.