Until Them...

Chapter Fifteen

GABRIEL

My mothers voice fills my ears as I desperately try not to cry down the phone to her. I don't even know why I've called her. I want to tell her what happened with Norah, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I feel like once I tell my family that it's over, then it really will be. And I don't want that, I want her to come back to me. To be mine again, and no one else's.
"Son?" she says, after a few minutes of silence on my end.
"You guys shouldn't come" I finally say to her bluntly. Ignoring all of the previous questions she's asked since I have been on the phone with her.
"Come where?"
"To the exhibition next month, don't bother coming cause I'm not doing it anymore"
"What why?" she asks confused.
"I don't see the point in it...in any of it anymore" I mope down the phone, feeling lower than I've ever felt before. Everything was perfect and I screwed it up, but maybe my mom will tell me how to fix it. She's the smartest person I know, she'll know what I should do in this situation.
"Gabriel, please tell me what's gotten into you. You were looking forward to it a couple weeks ago, so what's changed?"
"She broke up with me" I tell her, feeling the tightness in my throat return as I relive the moment she left over again.
"Who?" mom says faking surprise. She warned me this would happen the last time we broke up, and now I'm starting to think that I never should have said anything to her. Maybe I should talk to my dad instead?
"You know who I'm talking about. Norah...I've told you about her million times" I snap and cause it pisses me off, pretending that she doesn't know all Norah. How could she not? I've been gloating about her since before Christmas. I know she's disappointed that things didn't work out with Lena, but I thought after a few months she'd finally accept it and move on.
My mothers manner changes immediately, she's no longer a caring and loving parent but sterner and blunter then she usually is with me. This attitude is usually saved for work or when she's around people she doesn't like, but never with me. "Oh yes...well, I think it's for the best really Gabriel. Clearly something must have happened to make her break up with you again"
"II broke up with her last time, and that was a mistake that we resolved. But this, this isn't the same as last time, it's much worse. I messed up, and I don't think she's going to forgive me this time"
"What would she need to forgive you for?" she asks. My mother thinks I'm perfect, a flawless human being that can do no wrong in her eyes. But that isn't the case at all. I don't have the heart to ruin her hopes for me, and I couldn't bare to see the disappointment on her face. So I don't tell her all of the terrible things I've done, and I keep it all very vague.
"I fucked up mum. Big time. I've done and said things to her that I shouldn't have, and I wish I could take it all back"  I say wiping my eyes before these tears threaten to fall.
"This is a good thing Gabriel" How in the hell is this a good thing? My girl's just left me, said that she hates me and never wants to see or speak to me again. How is that a good thing? "Now you can focus more of your attention on you're studies and maybe spend some more time with Lena now that she's moved back to the city"
How does she know that? My mom seems to know everything before I do, "How do you know that?"
"Her mother called me a couple weeks ago. She told me that she was going to the city to see you and that she'd gotten into that design school. I was hoping I'd get a call from the two of you saying that you've gotten back together" my mother says sounding so disappointed. Why is she so oblivious to things?
"That's not going to happen mom" I snap
"Why because of this girl?" And she snaps right back twice as hard.
"Norah isn't some girl mom, I'm in love with her" I confess
She's silent for a moment, which is rare for my mom cause she always loves to push her opinions on people, "You're what?"
"I love her mom. I know this' confusing for you all and I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on sooner. But Norah isn't just some infatuation or something to occupy my time. I'm in love with her, I've been in love with her for months now"
"Jesus Gabriel, what are you doing?"
"I don't know. But I know that I need her back, she's everything to me. Everything, and I don't know what to do without her" It's too late, the tears I've been fighting back have come pouring out.
"You don't do anything Gabriel. She broke up with you, it's done. Now you can focus your energy on more important things like you're studies and extra curricular's"
It's not done. It's not done until she tells me she never wants to see me again. Until she tells me to leave her alone and never come around her again. Until I can see it in her eyes that she doesn't love me anymore. Because it's not done for me, and it never will be.