Until Them...

Chapter Thirteen

GABRIEL

I can't keep watching her walk away from me. She's walked away to many times and it hurts more each time, slowly it's killing me. I can't stop the images of Norah kissing Xavier from entering my mind. What the hell was she thinking, coming here with him? She said they're just friends but I know for a fact that he wants more, and I wouldn't put it past him to continue to try and get close to her.
"Fuck" I scream as I slam my hand against the wall, ripping the cuts on my knuckles even more. I wish she would let me talk to her, and try and explain why I did what I did. Honestly I don't know how I'd do that, because I don't even know why I did it, not fully. What I do know is ever second I'm away from her the harder it gets.
"I have nothing left...you took it all" she said that, even her eyes said it. Did I really take everything from her? I feel like she's given me so much in my life, have I not done the same for her? I don't know what to think anymore, one minute she looks at me like I'm her favourite person in the whole world and the next she looks at me with such hatred and loathing. She tells me she wants me to leave her alone and then the next her hand is up my shirt touching me. It's driving me insane and I don't know what I can do to fix this. I know I shouldn't have kissed her, it was wrong and it wasn't fair on her. But I needed Norah to remember what it was like to be with me and for her to realise just how much I love and miss her. That I need her, I need her more than anyone. She's everything to me, and it has taken me losing her twice to realise just that. I never should have come to this party tonight but I needed to get out of that apartment, and get her out of my mind. What the hell was she doing at a party at Wyatt's anyway, this is the last place I'd ever imagine her being. She doesn't really like parties, let alone the kind that Wyatt has. I'm sure it as Xavier's influence, that he thought he could get her drunk and in her vulnerable state she's sleep with him. Does he even know her at all? Cause there's no way she'd do something like that, no matter how pissed off at me she is. Except she doesn't think the same way about me, I could see it by the look on her face when she way me with Lena. I wanted to run over there and tell her that this was all a big misunderstanding, that I'm not seeing her again. That we are just friends...well, were not even that really. Not right now anyway, and I know I won't be able to be friends with Lena is Norah never forgives me. I need her to forgive me, to love me again and go back to how we were before. We were so happy, for weeks we'd been together without any arguments or fighting and it was amazing. We were just getting on the right track, and something had to come along and spoil it all. My whole life sifted as soon as Norah came along, and these have been the worst and best six months of my life. I didn't know how lost or lonely I'd been, until I saw her there sitting in that dark coffeeshop. And I realised I didn't know what loneliness was, but she did. And I wanted to take it away, to take all of her sorrows and sufferings and make them disappear. But I see it now, I've just been adding to her torment this whole time. I've been forcing her into saying things and doing things she never wanted too, all because I was too selfish to let her be. I needed to fix her, to be her hero and saviour. But I never asked her if she wanted that, I never asked if she wanted me to come in and completely screw up her life again. I spend so long trying to fix her, that I was secretly building up a way to destroy her again without even knowing it. I've done so many fucked up things to her, some intentional and some not. But nothing I've done before that, could be worse then what I did now.
"You made me a cheater" her voice echos in my ears. I did, I know I did that to her. And to Lena, but everything with our relationship was so confusing that I didn't know where I was crossing the line. I should have told Norah about her the second we kissed, or the first time she let me touch her, or the time on the beach. There were so many opportunities to be truthful, but I wasn't. I pushed her and pushed her to tell me the truth and be honest about the secrets she was keeping. And I think that maybe I was worried she was keeping a secret that was similar to mine. But it was much worse, a much darker secret and fear then I could ever have guessed. She told me that she's never loved anyone as much as she loved her brother, Dylan, that was until I came along. She had so much trust in me and in my love for her. But now that trust has been shattered, and I need to find a way to tape it back together. Because I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't forgive me.