Until Them...

Chapter Seven

NORAH

I can't let him take everything from me, I still have college and my internship and these are the only things keeping me together and giving me a reason to get out of bed each morning. I'd planned on avoiding senior studio until I could transfer into another group, but I finally got an email back a few days ago telling me that it's impossible to move. I thought about dropping out of class but I wouldn't have enough credits to pass first year, so that's impossible. I will force him to drop out instead because he doesn't need the credits as he only takes this class for fun. But it's my future and career, and he's screwing with that. I've already missed two days of work and I'm itching to hold a paint brush again. I'm hoping that he doesn't turn up to class today, that maybe he'll think I'm staying at the dorms to avoid him, but that's wishful thinking. Instead of the little corner we usually occupy together, I sit in the middle of class between two people so he's unable to sit next to me. I put my headphones in and drown out the noise around me. Staring at the door waiting for him to come to class and praying that I won't have to see him. Of course I never get what I want, and there he is standing in the doorway staring at me with utter relief. This is the first time we've seen each other in ten days, and it's much harder then I thought it would be. This was a mistake, it's still too soon to see him and to hear all of the excuses he's going to try and feed me. This was a mistake, and I'm an idiot for thinking that I could do this. That I could be near his with this much anger towards him.
"Norah" I hear him say ever so slightly over the music, but I just stare at my canvas counting down the seconds till class starts. I ignore him which only makes him try harder, so he leans down in front of me and touches my leg, I try to shrug him off but he grips harder. His frustration is growing as I continue to ignore him, and he yanks the headphones from my ears harshly, forcing me to listen to him.
"Norah please..."
"No. I'm not doing this with you right now" I tell him signalling to the growing room of students. I don't want to cause a scene and embarrass myself further. He can't force me to talk to him.
"Then when, because it's been a week and you won't talk to me?"
"Gabriel I'm asking you not to do this right now. Please" I say, avoiding his gaze. He stands up and moves back from me, turning to the boy in the chair next to me.
"Move. Now" he says dominating over him and he cowers away letting Gabriel sit next to me. I should've known that he'd find a way to get close to me. That he'd use his popularity and stature as a way to get what he wants. Why won't he just respect the fact that I need space from him right now? That he's hurting me more by not leaving me alone. Class feels like it goes on for hours and the tension in my muscles becomes immense. I'm try to keep my emotions at bay but knowing that he's so near to me is excruciating. Gabriel tries to talk to me multiple times during class but I continue to snub him, as I don't want to cause a scene in the middle of class. And I know that talking to him will only end in one way. I'm dying for this class to finish so I can get out of here, but I also know that once it does, I'll be bombarded by him. So either way I lose. I pack my things up early and wait for the moment class ends. I storm out straight away, trying to navigate through the corridors of the building. But it's too busy to make a quick exit and Gabriel grabs my arm straight away.
He drags me into an empty studio, "Norah please, just let me explain. Five minutes please, that's all I ask," he begs me.
I know that he won't let me leave, so I go to the other end of the room trying to stay as far away from him as possible, so I snap, "Two minutes"
He looks relieved, he thought I wouldn't listen to him, and honestly I wish I didn't have too.
"Where have you been? I've looked everywhere for you for the first few days, but you never come home"
"No I didn't"
"So where were you?" he asks again, but I stay silent. I'm not telling him, because its the only safe place I have from him. He starts to walk towards me, but I move so he won't be able to back me into a corner.
"Baby look at me, please. I miss you. I need you to forgive me"
"I don't need to do anything" He's still trying to control me, even now. After everything he's done.
"I fucked up and I made a mistake. But I love you, and you love me"
"No you don't" I bark at him.
"Yes, I do. I love you more than anything and you make me so happy Norah" he desperate for my forgiveness. But nothing he can say to me right now will make this acceptable.
"You don't make me happy. You make me miserable...completely miserable" I say to him, even though it's a partial lie because he does make me happy, but only sometimes.
"I need you"
"I don't care about what you want or need. That isn't my problem anymore. Go back to Valentina... that's what you do right? We break up and you run back to her" He's turned me into a bitter childish person now, and everything I've worked so hard to become has gone away.
"That isn't fair. You know I wouldn't do that"
"What's not fair is you playing me for six months. Loosing my friends for you, and opening myself to someone who doesn't give a shits about me. That's not fair"
"I care about you more than I care about myself"
"Do you care for me, more than you care about her?" I wonder. Because he said that he didn't break up with her earlier because he didn't want to hurt her feelings, but what about mine? He didn't mind hurting mine.
"Lena has nothing to do with this?" he snaps at me, getting more annoyed at my mentioning of her.
"She has everything to do with this. You didn't break up with her for four months because you cared about her and didn't want to hurt her. But by doing that, you've ended up hurting me instead"
"I wish I could take it all back—"
I'm well aware that were only in a studio in the middle of the art building. I'm sure everyone in the hallways can hear us as I scream, "But you can't, it's done. You've ruined it all and there's no going back now"
"Let's start over? I know you've already given me a second chance, and I've screwed up so many times before. But please, just give me one more chance to prove to you that I can do better by you"
"I can't do that" I say to him, as he comes up to me and grabs my hand. I try to remove my hand from his, but he's laced his fingers through mine.
"Yes, you can and you want to. I know you want to be with me" he pleads with me.
What I want and what I should do are two different things. After everything he's done, I still love him. But I can't trust him and honestly, and I don't love him the same way I did last week. My love has been clouded over by anger and resentment. I go to leave but he pulls me back and physically blocks the door.
"Don't" I snap at him and his eyes plead for me to stay, "You've done a lot of shit to me and I've forgiven you for all of it. But this... I'd never do to you what you did to me. Never"
"I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I even did it. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am" his touch stings as his fingers tighten around my hand, and he tries to pull me into him. But I stand my ground because I need to be strong. I need to keep this anger, so I can finally say what I need to say. Because one touch from him usually breaks me. I cannot give into him and give him what he wants.
"Your apology means nothing to me. Your words mean nothing. Everything that's come out of your mouth has been a lie. A part of this sick game you've been playing with me, but I don't want to play anymore"
"This isn't a game"
"You're right. It's my life. And you've ruined it" I try to calm myself down, because I know that he'd rather me yell at him than stay silent.
"Do you love me?" he asks, looking into my eyes. And him looking at me this way kills me.
"Yes...but I hate you more" I say steadily, staring right back at him.
"You don't mean that. You're just angry and hurt. But we can get through this if you let us"
"We can't and I don't want to" I can see the tears starting to brim in his eyes.
"Yes, you do. You love me and you want to be with me. I haven't been able to breath since you left. I can't live without you Norah. I need you"
"Well, you should have thought about that while you were fucking your other girlfriend" He suddenly steps towards me and tries to kiss me, but I snack him straight across the face. As if he has the nerve to try and kiss me ever again.
"Don't you fucking touch me" I take his shock as my moment to escape this room, leaving him behind me. Did he seriously think that kissing me would make me forgive him and come running back? What makes him think he has any right to kiss me or even touch me again? I don't turn around to look at him, because if I do I know he'll follow me.