Hello, Stockholm Syndrome: My Pity Killer Series

CHAPTER 15

Chapter 15: The Nightmares That Haunt Me

MONTE'S POV

A FEW DAYS LATER...

Why did I have to see her? Why did it matter so much to me, I thought that part of me was dead; I thought I killed off my humanity the moment I swore my allegiance to Aya?

I hated feeing so damn conflicted as if I had a choice, as if she would ever forgive me.

I finished my dinner; a beautiful brunette that reeked of desperation. I let her body fall as I walked to my bathroom. I decided on renting at a small motel; no one would question my motives of bringing beautiful women in.

I washed off the excess blood and looked at myself. My eyes were dimming from a bright red to my normal brown ones, and I looked away. I was suddenly dealing with disgust. Was she right? Was I truly gone? The man that had morals.

Could I even call myself a man; when I obviously was a monster. Probably something even worse.

No, I couldn't do that. If I allowed my emotions to come back, I would be physically sick and crippled with guilt; I killed them all. People that trusted me completely to make her happy. A woman I would never give a second chance if I still had Des.

I punched the mirror and stared at my shattered reflection. Control yourself, Monte. You're stronger now. You're better this way; Aya swore you would like this. She knows you more than that mutt could ever.

I sighed as I heard my phone ring. Speaking of the devil.

"Any luck?" she asked as I answered with a quick no. "What's wrong, you sound upset." "I am," I sat down on the bed, "I'm feeling things I don't want to right now. I want to turn it all off." "What happened, Monte?"

Should I tell her?

"I saw her," I simply said and it grew quiet. "Come home now."

She hung up and I threw myself on the bed.

Des was right, I was being controlled and suddenly I had a problem with it. I hated being forced to do certain things; it was why I was the Leader. Was.

God, how did things turn so drastically in this short amount of time. How did I get to this?

Yet, I found myself getting up and going to her, just like I knew I would. Just like she knew I would. Just like everyone knew I would.

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"What happened?" she asked. She was fuming and I found it a bit attractive. She was pacing now, and I smirked at her appearance. "Don't chide me, Monte. How did this happen? Did you go looking for her?" "I have never looked for her since I've changed. You know that." "I know nothing, apparently." "Are you questioning my loyalty to you?" I asked, and she looked at me.

"You're not answering any of my questions. What am I supposed to think?" "You're supposed to trust me. I was out there hunting mutts for you. Which is a lot harder than you let me think. I had this guy I was stalking that was a bit louder than I thought. Apparently, she's here. She stopped me and I ran from her, but she followed me."

"She's still alive." "I didn't think to kill her." "Why not?" "She's a mutt. She could be our last resort," I shrugged. I had no clue if it was a lie or the truth, but I flinched a bit at how cold it sounded. "Good thinking," she started to cool off, "why did you say you were thinking of things." "She tried to make me feel guilty for abandoning her and killing Elena." "So, are you changing your mind?" "I'm here, aren't I?"

"You are."

She bit her lip and walked to me, wrapping her arms around me. "I have never felt this way about anyone. I could never afford to love like this, especially for someone without a title, but Monte. I swear if you continue to follow me, the doors I could open for you; are endless." "I like the sounds of that," I bit my lip and we shared a kiss, but something happened. A sickening feeling appeared as I thought of spending eternity with her.

I didn't love her. Not that way and maybe not ever. Not like I loved...love Des. I was ruining myself over once more, but I had no choice now. I messed up too much to go back to her and we both knew it. This was my new life now and I had to enjoy this crazy ride as much as possible. Who knew how long I could keep up this façade?

A FEW HOURS LATER...

I watched as she slept and I sat over her. I watched her even and deep breaths as I let my mind roam. How did this beautiful creature ruin me so?

I dragged my hand to from her delicate neck to her exposed chest. I could do it. She was so vulnerable. Completely unknown to what I was thinking of. I placed my hand above her rib cage, right above her heart and I listened at its steady beating.

Just a quick movement and my hand could remove it and it'll be over. The family hated her, all except Michael. He was just a sprung little kitty; I would have to run quickly before they noticed what I did.

I watched her more, and I found my poised hand turned to a soft caress.

What was happening to me? Did I love her?

"What are you doing?" she peeked through and smiled at me. "Just watching you sleep?" "That's not weird, are you still thinking of her?" "No," I lied, "I was thinking of how much I care about you."

The last part wasn't a lie, because I couldn't do it.

I couldn't kill her in her sleep, and I hated myself for feeling this weak. I loved her. And nothing was worse than that.

How did my life unravel so quickly?