A Year Away

Chapter 5

I've officially been in Germany for a month now. August has ended and September is bringing the relief that comes with cooler temperatures. School drones on and our first exy game of the season is approaching in three weeks. I'm set to be a starting backliner. Mrs. Klose made me chocolate cake when I told her as a celebration and they shared stories from Erik's days of playing.

Things with Erik weren't all that different. I think he finally got my message and was leaving me alone. I didn't actually want to be alone, I think that's when the most trouble starts, but it beat his concern.

I finally realized that day I walked to him after the call with my parents why I couldn't stand it when he showed concern for me: because I didn't deserve it.

Erik didn't know me. He didn't know that any of his efforts to help me would be in vain just like the priest's. He didn't know I couldn't be fixed.

At least he knew no to stop trying.

The communcations with my parents had been small. Since I left five weeks ago, they've only called me on other time to tell me about some family drama that I autopiloted though, then blamed bad connection when they realized I wasn't listening.

No offense to my family or anything, but it is a mess, and I don't have time to deal with it.

My aunt is doing something wrong, big surprise, and Aaron is starting to 'loose his path to God'. I'd noticed Aaron acting different, but I can't really bring myself to care. I don't have the energy to help myself, I sure as hell don't have the energy to help him. Besides, one sinner can't stop someone from down into hell with them, that's not how that works.

I like to think we have a mutual understanding. I'm a fuck up and he is fucking up and we both nod and hope the other doesn't do anything too disastrous to themselves.

Or,  at least, I hope he doesn't do anything disastrous to himself. I don't think Aaron really cares about me. (I can't expect him to, I don't care about my self most days) What my father doesn't get is that when two cousins grow up on opposite sides of the country from each other, it isn't exactly easy to bond.

Now, my Aunt Tilda and Aaron are in Columbia again and that's all fine and dandy and stuff but I'm not exactly a socializing person and I'm especially not capable of convincing long distance cousins to become my best friends, but I digress.

Yesterday, I got a letter in the mail from my mom. It was Saturday. I waited till the Klose's left for church in the morning to open it. Erik made a brief suggestion of staying, but I said I have a really important test to study for in German and Mrs. and Mr. Klose forced him out the door.

It's not that I don't trust the Kloses, they are the nicest people and they have only gotten nicer.  It's just that I don't know what's in the letter and I don't know how I'm going to react to it. I've already had enough episodes around Erik than I would care to admit. I'm not risking anymore.

I lay on the coach in the family room with a cup of coffee and the letter. I open the letter to find it covered in my mothers quickly scrawl. I take a closer look at the words and freeze.

They're in Spanish.

Mom almost never writes in Spanish. Dad hates when he can't understand what we're saying and claims he didn't take my mother out of Mexico just for her to bring it back to America.

But on days he was away, and she was feeling homesick, she would teach me. When I was really little she'd sing songs her mother sang to her and tell me stories of the town she grew up in. When I got older she'd write me notes in my lunch and we'd watch Spanish movies while Dad was away. It was our little secret and some of my fondest memories with her.