A Year Away

Chapter 8

It's game day. Erik was right when he said Müller would let me start today as long as I showed up on Wednesday, and since I did, I was starting today.

Like my experience with being on the team in America, we wore our jerseys to school on the day of the game. The jersey colors were nice, a dark blue and a dark gold. I was number 14 and Hemmick was written across the back in a dark gold.

The bell ran for my fifth period class. I pack my stuff into my bag, sling it over my shoulder, and make my way to the cafeteria. Mrs. Klose had made me a special game day lunch and put it in a brown paper bag, so I go straight to the table with the rest of the team.

"There's the American," Ida teases when I sit down. "You ready to see how Germany does exy?"

"What do you think I've been doing for a month, Ida?" I ask.

"Getting your ass kicked by our offense," Müller says and him and our other starting striker, Felix, clap hands over the table.

"Big words for someone who missed three shots on your sophomore goalie." Weber, our back up sophomore goalie, crossed his arms. "Out of eight."

"Give the kid a fucking medal," Sophie says dryly. Sophie is a junior and she's our defensive dealer.

"Watch the language around the children." Anna scolds, covering our freshman backliner, Luca's, ears. Anna is out other senior, a defensive dealer.

"I've found the remaining freshies." Erik announces, steering Léon and Nicole toward out table and pushing them down on the bench. "Are we missing anyone else?"

"Yes." Müller says. "One more backliner, a striker, and an offensive dealer."

Erik huffs. "Kids there days. Be right back."

"Why do we need everyone to eat together?" I ask.

"Why does Müller use Klose to carry out all of his captain duties?" Sophie asks, glaring at Müller. "That is the better question."

Müller raises his hands in surrender. "Erik wants to do it, I don't make him do anything."

"You still have him wrapped around your finger, don't you?" Ida teases.

"What can I say," Müller pretends to flip his hair, "I'm dashingly handsome."

I feel myself tense. They just talked about Erik liking Müller. They talked about Erik's unnatural preferences and didn't even break a stride. Like it was normal, nothing to worry about.

Maybe they'd be like that with me.

Why should they? You don't know them. You aren't Erik. Erik is different.

I get up abruptly.

"You good?" Felix asks.

I shake my head trying to clear the fog before it starts. "Yeah, I-uh, I'm going to help Erik find Stefan, Schmidt, and Fischer."

I walk out of the cafeteria and onto the grassy lawn on the side of campus. I take a deep breath. It's been three days since i was released and, in total honesty, I feel better than I have in years; but being better and being good are not the same thing. And being better than really bad can still put you at bad.

But I haven't had any nightmares the last three nights, and the dark fog hasn't been as dark. I'm not promising anything, but I have hope for the first time since I was sent to church camp.

"Nicholas?" Erik asks, walking toward me with Schmidt in tow.

"Uh, hey." I give him a smile.

Erik studies me, then pats Schmidt on the shoulder. "Why don't you go into the cafeteria and find the rest of the team. And if I get in there and you are not in there, I will dump water on you."