his snowfall

~ seven ~

-

My head was uncomfortably resting on my pillow, arm underneath going numb from leaning on it. Looking over at the bed to the left of me, Nova was peacefully sleeping. No issues, no troubles, just able to sleep. Oh, how I wish I could do the same.

Her eyelashes twitched along with her fingers, where her hand lay softly in mine. As I watched her move in her sleep, only one thing was playing in my mind. His voice repeating my last name over and over with the look he gave me over his shoulder.

I didn't like it, but I didn't hate it.

Way over two weeks had passed since that detention yet I remember it like it was last night.

I admitted defeat when I knew I wasn't going to get to sleep any time soon with my mind on full volume. As I slipped out of my covers, making sure not to make any sudden movements and wake Nova up, I placed her hand under her duvet, tucking her in. Pulling a jumper over myslef and walking towards the door.

As I pulled the dorm door shut, trying to minimise the sound of the click by covering it with my hand, I looked out over the balcony stairs at the red headed boy sat in front of the fire.

I hadn't been avoiding Fred, I'd just distanced myself a little. I noticed how much we'd grown closer through the weeks we had been back and school and I just freaked out. Getting to breakfast before him, making sure there wasn't a seat free next to me, walking to my first class early and leaving late.

My hands trailed the wooden banister as I silently made my way down each step, crossing my legs and sitting down beside him. Looking in his direction, he was wearing the pyjamas his mum gave him last Christmas. A new pair every year.

His legs were crossed with his hand closed and resting against them, looking straight into the roaring flames of the log burner. I just admired him from the side, before also looking ahead. Things have never been this awkward between us. Why did I let it get this far?

"What's happening between us?" His voice was steady. Neutral. I blinked slowly after the word us left his mouth. A ball began to form in my throat as I swallowed to force it away, but it didn't leave. Fred looked over at me as he next spoke "What's happening with you Victoria?"

He only calls me by my full name when he's angry or upset. This time, probably a bit of both.

What is happening with me? Even I didn't know the correct answer. I spent most days and nights just thinking about an answer to this question but could almost never figure out a proper reasoning.

I beat past the ball in my throat, tugging on my vocal cords. Fred eyes burning into the side of me didn't help when trying to speak. I tilted my head down and looked at my beaten-up nails rested in my lap.

"I- I don't know. Everything has been so exhausting and I just don't feel the same. Its all eating me up and-" I batted the liquid in my eye that was forming on my lower lash line as it fell onto my hands to which I let out a small cry looking at Fred, letting the tears fall freely now. I had let them build up for weeks, forcing myself not to cry to the point where I couldn't cry. "And I was worried I'd ruin everything we had."

Fred just watched me as I cry and I had never felt so awkward in my life. Ruining mine and Fred's bond was a fraction as to what was going on and in some way was a lie.

Fred didn't acknowledge the crying, and just sat there. Looking at the flames dance freely without a care in the world. As much as I liked the thought of not mentioning the crying, it would've been nice to have been comforted.

-

Since the moments we spent sitting on the floor, we had moved onto the common from couches, where I had my feet up to my chest and Fred sat on the other end of the cushion. We hadn't spoken much since being here, only caught up on a few things like screaming teachers and group falling outs.