How do I Explain?

Do you?

Do you remember me like I remember you?

Do you stay up all night to avoid nightmares?

Do you awake to the memories of me screaming, like I awake to the memories of you screaming?

Do you drown your thoughts in music?

Do you get asked if your okay everyday?

Do you fight through panic attacks day in, day out?

Do you struggle to explain that your memories are intruding and confusing?

Do you still feel the need to clean everyday like we were taught?

Do you still track and monitor what you eat like we were taught?

Do you still dress girly to be the perfect little girl like we were taught?

Do you degrade yourself like we were for years?

Do you feel strange to look at yourself not bruised and cut and instead healthy?

Do you not care about society standards but care about mothers standards?

Do you feel like you're never enough?

Do you jump at every sound?

Do you flinch at everything as if its a knife being thrown?

Do you cry silently at night until you fall asleep?

Do you feel the bags under your eyes and sigh, no idea what to do?

Do you have a heart that explodes like fireworks at the sound of a song?

Do you laugh and brush everything off with sarcasm?

Do you feel nothing or everything no in between?

Do you bawl while watching kid shows from when we were young?

Do you forget and then suddenly remember?

I'm asking if our past still plagues your mind like it does mine or if you healed