dive into you | jongsang (✓)

- ten -

yeosang received jongho's letter in the mail within a few days, a heavy frown left on his face at the anxious energy that was given off from the younger boy's words.

dear kang,

i am so sorry to hear about your mother and i hope you're holding up okay. i wish i had the mindset to tell you about my interests right now, but unfortunately, i do not. i will tell you in time but right now i feel the need to just get a lot of things off my chest. i'm feeling really lost and panicked right now, so i'm hoping this will help and i know i can trust you.

i locked myself in my room and i am very scared about writing this, because i know it could result in heavy punishment. i think my father might be catching on to my sexuality. i feel like he can tell i'm not straight. since i trust you, i'm comfortable enough to say that i'm bisexual, but nobody else knows that. not even my cousin, who's gay. i'm too afraid that my father will find out and hurt me. who knows though? maybe he'll just kick me out. that thought is almost scarier though, because then how would i be able to protect yewon????

i'm sorry for ranting to you i just need to get the weight off my shoulders. i can't stop crying and i don't know exactly what this feeling is but it hurts and i just need someone to listen to me.

my parents are apparently talking about possibly getting a divorce, breaking up and all that. personally, i'd be relieved if they did, but yewon is scared and doesn't know how to handle it. they haven't formally told us yet, but yewon came in with her teddy bear (which usually only comes out of her room when she's scared) and told me the other day that she overheard them. i don't know how to handle this information. am i supposed to be angry? sad? i feel so overwhelmed by these thoughts.

on top of all this, apparently my aunt and uncle are supposed to be coming for dinner in a couple nights and i haven't seen them since right after they disowned my cousin. i get too scared, honestly. but now, i'm afraid for myself in more ways than one. i'm afraid that i'll lash out, and i'm afraid that i will be outed. i don't know why i'm so convinced that someone knows, but things have felt really eerie recently.

i'm so sorry again for my rant, hopefully next time i can send you a letter that isn't so deep and dark, because i really enjoyed reading about you and i know you said you wanted to get to know me.

please take care of yourself, kang. i know things are hard, but it's going to be okay.

sending hugs :]

- choi jh

yeosang folded the letter back up and sighed, sympathizing with the younger. he just hoped for the best for both of them. neither one of them deserved this pain.

the boy began to write a letter to his friend when he received a call from wooyoung, interrupting him.

"yeosang! are you dressed?"

"yes... why?"

"i'm coming to pick you up! you, me and hongjoong are going to hang out at mine!"

"w-woo... i-i—"

"sangie... it's okay. it's just hongjoong. you were getting pretty comfortable with him last time you saw him, don't worry about him not liking you or anything. he loves you."

"a-are you sure?"

"yep! and if you start to feel like you can't handle it, then you just let me know, okay? we're not going to be in my room so if you need some space you can go up and take a break. i still have your fidget toys up there if you need them."

"o-okay..."

"yay! i'm gonna call hongjoong and tell him he can leave his house once i get you, okay?"

"okay..."

"see you soon, sangie!"

yeosang felt a bit panicked as he looked at himself in the mirror, not sure if he was presentable enough to be seeing hongjoong. once he was sure he liked his outfit, he nodded a bit and went back to writing until wooyoung texted and told him that he had arrived.

"bye, mom... i-i'll see you when i get home," he muttered.

he got in the car and wooyoung quickly texted hongjoong before driving off, the two enjoying the music that played quietly, only speaking when they felt as though something fit.

"hongjoong's really excited that you're coming, sangie."

"he is?"

"yeah... he really likes you. if i didn't know any better, i'd honestly think he might have a little crush on you, but he doesn't. he's just fond of your personality."

"really?"

"yes, sangie. trust me."

"o-okay..."

the two went inside and got settled, yeosang tapped his foot a bit as he waited for hongjoong to arrive. he craved a hug from the older, as he had felt comforted the last time he received one from the boy.

suddenly, there was a knock at the door and yeosang quickly stood up, catching wooyoung's attention.

"go let him in, sangie. i can tell you want to see him."

yeosang nodded and made his way to the door, shakily opening it and greeting hongjoong.

"yeosang! hi, how are you?"

yeosang just shrugged, realizing he left his phone on the couch by wooyoung.

"i'm happy to see you here! i feel like it's been so long."

yeosang tried to speak for a moment, forgetting that he was still a bit anxious around the older and wouldn't be able to get the words out. a choked sound came out and hongjoong smiled a bit, recognizing how badly yeosang wanted to interact with him.

"i see you don't have your phone with you... that would probably make things a bit easier for you, wouldn't it?"

yeosang nodded again, a blush rising to his cheeks, and hongjoong gently wrapped an arm around the boy.

"don't worry, i understand. you don't have to try so hard with me, i just want you comfortable."

wooyoung quickly entered the room upon realizing yeosang's phone was on the couch, holding it up a bit.

"sangie, your phone..."

yeosang quickly grabbed his phone and opened his text to speech app, typing something quickly.

i'm really happy to see you too, hongjoong. you're fun to hang out with. thank you for welcoming me with open arms, i really appreciate it.

"aw, yeosang... i'm so glad that you feel so welcomed. i really do try to be a safe space for everyone."

"he likes your hugs," wooyoung added.

"you do?" hongjoong asked.

an embarrassed yeosang blushed and nodded the slightest bit, resulting in the older boy quickly hugging onto the younger. yeosang felt safe here, like he was incapable of feeling pain in hongjoong's arms.

"let's watch a movie!" wooyoung suggested.

yeosang nodded, smiling a bit and hongjoong quickly agreed as well. the three sat on the couch and wooyoung chose a movie, then yeosang rested his head on the younger's shoulder, making himself comfy.

"are you having fun?" wooyoung asked in a whisper.

"yes," yeosang said quietly, so soft that wooyoung himself could barely hear.

wooyoung kissed the boy's forehead a bit and patted his head, smiling. he was so happy that yeosang was enjoying himself, and he truly believed that things would get better soon.

_________
a/n:
YALLLLLLL these deja vu stages i CANNOT