dive into you | jongsang (✓)

- fourty five -

TW: mention of suicidal thoughts, mention of death

jongho didn't sleep at all that night. he was too busy thinking about his conversation with yeosang's mother, everything from her giving the boy her blessing to how she was dying and couldn't be saved. he wondered how yeosang would take it, if he would be able to protect yeosang from how horrible experiencing the death of a family member was. it was a lot to think about.

yeosang jolted in his place the next morning, quickly sitting up, eyes wide.

"good morning, love..."

"j-jongho... w-was it a-a dream?"

"no... it wasn't, yeo. your mom's home. she really is."

"no... no, this isn't good... there's no way this is good."

"baby..."

"i-i can't—"

"look at me," jongho whispered, gently cupping the boy's cheek. "deep breaths, okay? even if she's here and it's not good... the important thing is you have your mom by your side, yeah?"

yeosang nodded slightly, finally realizing why jongho was so adamant about yeosang's mom being back being a good thing. jongho didn't have his mother anymore. he had no one other than san. yeosang should be grateful for what he has before he loses it.

"let's go downstairs... yeah?"

yeosang nodded again, taking a deep breath and grabbing into jongho's hand before getting up, preparing himself to go downstairs. jongho gladly followed the boy, ready to do whatever he felt was necessary to make the boy feel safe following the news.

"yeosang, jongho! i'm so glad you two are awake, i'm making pancakes!"

yeosang smiled weakly before going over and hugging his mom, jongho to the side, smiling small.

"yeosang..." she whispered, holding onto her son.

"m-mom... i-i'm s-scared..."

"baby... hey, it's okay to be scared, okay? life is scary..." she said softly.

"y-you're dying... aren't you?" he asked in a whisper.

the woman sighed softly, turning off the burner and gently pulling both boys over to the couch to sit down.

"i didn't want you to figure it out yourself... i-i didn't even want to tell you at first, but i knew i needed to. yes, i'm dying, yeosang... there was nothing the doctors could do."

yeosang tensed, his eyes filling with tears despite the fact he had predicted the truth. jongho gently rested his hand on the older's back, causing yeosang to flinch slightly before realizing it was jongho.

"n-no..."

"yeo... baby, it's going to be okay..." jongho whispered.

"h-how am i supposed to be o-okay i-if my m-mother is dying i-in front of me?!" yeosang screamed, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"yeosang... sweetheart, i know it's going to be difficult, but i just wanted to spend my last few weeks freely with you."

"w-what am i supposed to do w-when you're gone though? k-kill myself?!"

jongho and yeosang's mother both stared at the boy, their mouth's agape at the boy's words.

"d-don't look at me l-like that!" he screamed.

"baby... d-don't say that... p-please..." yeosang's mother muttered, beginning to cry herself.

"yeo... baby, do you really feel that way?"

"s-sometimes..."

"w-why?" jongho stuttered, gently rubbing the boy's back.

"i-it's just too much sometimes... i-it m-makes me feel l-like i'd be better off d-dead..."

"when you feel like that... i-i need you to tell me, okay? i-i can't lose you, too... i've lost way too many people i love recently."

yeosang hesitated a moment, then nodded slowly, deciding that jongho didn't deserve any more pain. the boy had been through way too much recently.

"thank you, jongho..." yeosang's mother whispered. "thank you for always taking care of him..."

"it's my pleasure, ma'am..."

"i-i'm gonna get back to making breakfast... i'll call you in when it's ready."

the woman got up and went back to the kitchen as jongho nodded, pulling yeosang close. yeosang clung to jongho, feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed, not saying a single word.

"i love you, yeo... i promise everything's going to be okay. it may not always feel that way, but i promise it will. do you trust me?"

yeosang nodded, sniffling a bit. jongho wiped the boy's cheeks and kissed his forehead, then smiled small.

"you're so beautiful... even when you cry," jongho whispered.

"y-you don't mean that..."

"but i do... yeo... i wouldn't lie to you about this. i'm so, so in love with you and all that you are. everything you do is absolutely beautiful to me. you are the most perfect person i have ever laid eyes on."

yeosang took a shaky breath, looking up at jongho with doe eyes, absolutely mesmerized by the boy's words. jongho just smiled small, playing with yeosang's hair and holding him protectively.

"you know i'm not going anywhere, right?"

yeosang nodded, smiling slightly.

"good. hey... can you answer something for me?"

yeosang nodded, lightly biting down on his tongue.

"how often do you have those thoughts?"

"u-um... i didn't used to h-have them o-often... b-but recently? a-a few t-times a w-week... b-but then y-you make e-everything feel b-better a-and i'm o-okay..."

"i'm glad i'm able to help you, baby... just please always let me help, okay? don't try to push me away when you feel like that..."

"i-i'll try..."

"thank you, love..."

"boys, breakfast is ready!" yeosang's mother called.

yeosang took another shaky breath, nervously looking at jongho.

"let's go eat breakfast with your mom, yeah?"

yeosang nodded just slightly, following the boy into the kitchen, feeling his heart do flips as he was reminded that jongho could be his forever. everything felt right with him around.

and because of him, yeosang felt strong.

________
a/n:
guys i'm so sorry there is literally no reason for me to write such depressing shit

in other news ... FEVER: eXtended edition XR concert was INSANE!!! and then we got world tour announcement?????! absolutely wild!

since they did this q during the concert, here's a lol qotd: what is your favorite fever era concept?

mine is either thanxx (solely bc of yunho) or deja vu! but literally all of them are SO good!!!