Palisades park (boyxboyxgirl)

Chapter 6

Holy shit! I instantly push Hayden off of me hastily as I jump off the couch completely shocked by the intrusion. My eyes go wide as they meet Anthony's glazed over ones. He drops the brown paper bag in his hands on the floor as he starts to walk towards me in heavy handed strides. His eyes go from sad to disappointed to angry all in a mere heartbeat. I unconsciously take a step back as I fall back into the couch with no where else to run. He makes it over to us with rage fueled eyes as Hayden instinctively juts out his arm to stop Anthony. Oh shit no.

Anthony turns to Hayden and shoves him to the ground in one swift movement. Shit shit shit I'm in trouble. I advert my eyes from Anthony's demanding glare as I watch Hayden get up with his hands balled up in fists knuckles turning white.

"Look at me crash" Anthony says from above me as I feel his eyes scan my face looking for something. Some sign of remorse. Regret. But I had none.

This was all inevitable. I don't know what world Ophelia and Anthony have been living in, but how can they expect our arrangement to turn out in anything more than a distant memory in a couple years. This wasn't permanent. We were just young and bored. At least I told myself that.

I muster up the courage to look back at Anthony thinking through what I was going to say. He stares at me intently obviously expecting me to grovel and apologize for betraying him and O. But I couldn't. I got up from the couch and leveled with him as I let out a low sigh.

"Ant." I begin not sure how to continue. Was I supposed to do what was right or keep living this lie?

"What. Just spit it out" Anthony demands obviously irritated by my complete lack of speech.

"Look it's n-" Hayden begins but is instantly cut off by Anthony's furious glare directed at him. He points at the kitchen door "leave.".

Hayden looks as though he's about to argue back, but I shoot him a look to let him know to leave. He frowns at me but reluctantly retreats back into the kitchen, shooting me a apologetic look over his shoulder. I bite down on my lip feeling the painful sensation numb my nerves.

Anthony suddenly grabs my shoulders and shakes me roughly in frustration. He reaches for the back of my neck and he holds my head against his as I feel his slow and uneven breaths. I close my eyes tightly wishing the world away.

An overwhelming feeling takes over as tears threaten to escape me. I had been denying it all this time, but I really did love this bastard.

"Please." He says in a low whisper. He sounded so lost. So desperate. Knowing I was the reason he was like this made my chest tighten uncontrollably.

"I... I'm sorry Ant." I say trying to sound normal and not like I was letting go of the one thing I knew. The only thing I knew. I don't even know anymore. A million questions raced through my mind.

But there was only one that I needed to know the answer to.

"Do you love me，or do you love O" I say in the slightest murmur, not really prepared for the answer he was going to give me. Did I want to know? I felt so selfish asking him to choose, but I needed to know. In my heart I was always torn, but in this moment I realize now that my love for O was just a mere novelty. I loved her for all she was worth, but in a different way I wasn't ready to accept.

I feel him exhale deeply as his fingernails dig into the back of my neck, but heck I wasn't in the place to complain.

"I love you Both" he says cutting the silence into a million pieces. No. He couldn't have it both ways anymore. I reach up and grab his hands unwrapping them from my neck as I push away from him ignoring my throbbing heart begging for me not to.

Ant opens his eyes and I instantly notice his completely defeated state mirroring my own.

I fall back into the couch once again not sure if my legs could carry my weight any longer. I dig the palms of my hands into my eyes as a rub vigorously forcing the tears away as best I could. I feel the couch dip next to me, but I ignore it knowing I couldn't look at him any longer without taking back everything.

"Crash don't do this to us. I know what we have may seem temporary, but this could be our forever." He says voice wavering just the slightest as he spoke. I shake my head in response not trusting myself to speak from my head instead of my heart that was begging to be heard.

"Crash. We both love you. And what happened today doesn't have to change things. We can work past it. We always do. Just please don't leave us." He says trying his hardest to sound sure when I knew that he was just as conflicted as I was.

But I knew I couldn't do this anymore. As much as I like to think I'm fine with this, I've always just been lying to myself. One thing I knew was that I did love him. Can't believe it took me so long to realize it, but this pain in my chest seems like a clear enough hint. But I just had to let go of that if I wanted to be happy. I could never be happy knowing that he had my whole heart, but I only had half of his. I knew that he didn't love me the same way he loved O. And I didn't love him the same way I loved O.

"Sorry. " I say genuinely not sure how to move on from this. I turn my head to face him at least giving him the respect to tell him to his face.

"I just can't anymore Ant. I never loved you. I never loved O. I was just bored of life, it has nothing to do with you guys. It could have been anybody else, but I'm sorry it had to be you. I didn't mean to fuck everything up. But let's be real this was all just a phase. We can go back to being friends... In time. Put this whole relationship thing just isn't for me. " I say mustering up all my will power to stay strong and sound as certain as I was uncertain. I watch his face closely as I silently beg for a response, because anything was better than silence.

His normally playful and vivid eyes had turned a dark grey, and his gentle features were forced into a frown. All I wanted to do was tell him I loved him and things would be okay , but I couldn't. Not for my happiness, and most importantly not for his.

"Okay. All the shit we've been through you're just going to forget about it and call it a fucking phase?" He says voice rising just the slightest as I notice his body tense and his fists clench. He got up from the couch abruptly and started to walk away from me without a second glance back. I watched his back as I had to stop myself from begging for him to come back. He pushed out the cafe doors angrily, slamming them behind him as he left me there, feeling the worst I've ever felt.

My heart felt like it was being cut in half with the dullest knife, just pulling back and forth until there was nothing left to hold me together. I just single handedly lost the two people that I care most about in this world, all for the sake of my own sanity. Was it worth it? O and Ant had been there for me, but I knew deep down in my heart that they were meant to be together without me in the picture. But I guess now I can finally accept that I'm bisexual. All my life I'd been suppressing feelings for other guys, thinking that it was purely physical, but in the end I guess I can swing both ways. Hah. There are way more fishes in the sea now, I'll get over this. I have to.

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What do you guys think eh?

Comment and tell me how you want the story to go, because there are a million things I want to happen, but I'm so indecisive!

Poor Ant :(