For Emma

Chapter 14

Dear my love,

I can hardly remember the last time I've written. It's been days, weeks, and maybe even months. I kept walking into the study once you left for work and would stare at the slick black cover. I would stare until my eyes watered and burned still not sure if I should open the black cover and let the ink of my pin fill more of these pages with my ever-wondering thoughts. I went to the beach last night and stayed for a long time. I went during the late afternoon and stayed as I continued to grow dark. The sunset was beautiful. The sky was all orange and pink; reflecting in the sea as if the sky never ended just became less stable and more dangerous.

A man past me as I watched the sunset, he was tall, all dressed in black. He looked rather young, and reminded me of my dear nephew Jeff. The way he carried himself like he had the world on his shoulders' it made me wonder if he felt the world was on his shoulders. When he looked my way-noticing a sorry old women like myself-he gave a week smile that looked forced. Then he just disappeared over at the docks and jumped into a boat. I saw him lift an anchor and then the boat slowly drifted off. It made me wonder what it would feel like if that anchor had its rope gripping my leg as I was tugged to the floor of the ocean...

Love,

Dearest Annabeth

***

I closed the journal and shoved it back into my dresser drawer. Annabeth's mind wasn't so "ever-wandering" as she suspected it to be. She had one thing in mind; one thing that clung in the back of her head and snuck in the shadows like a bad dream. Her wish for death never came out in words not even in her writing but was always hinted in her entries.

My breath was catching in my throat never fully making its way out because I once thought her same thoughts. It's the inevitable knowing that you will dematerialize the second you pull that trigger or tie the knot to that anchor and leap.  Because when you're like me you just want to vanish, but I stopped those thoughts from taking effect on me because I can't leave Jeff. Annabeth however went through a long and unhealthy marriage.

I walked to my door with shaky hands. The door knob wouldn't move. Or my hand wouldn't. I can't tell. My mind is in too many places. Fluttering from place to place. A thousand butterflies with my thoughts painted on their wings flying in all directions. Somewhere in this chaos the door had opened, but I hadn't opened it.

My mother's face was inches from mine. Her hot breath reeked of beer. I cringed, backing away from her with my eyes still focused on something above her head. She crept closer. My eyes took over and forced me to look at her face. I wasn't prepared for what it had become. Her left eye was swollen and was far past any shade of purple; it was completely black. Blood streaked her forehead, and multiple cuts painted her swollen face.

"Mom, what-?" I gasped but stopped when she placed a bloody hand on my shoulder.

"Move, bitch." She slurred bitterly as blood sprayed from her mouth.

Stunned I hesitantly moved to the side as I watched her frail body limp over to Samantha's bed. Her head slung between her shoulders like an invisible weight had been placed on her neck. She leisurely leaned onto Sam's bed. Each inch she moved taking more effort than the other. Finally her whole body was resting on the mattress. Within seconds she was asleep. Making soft whimpers of pain with each breath. One of her clenched fist opened as her body relaxed and something rolled out. Taking slow, careful steps I peered down at the roll of money that was lying next to her hand.

Suddenly the butterflies in my head stopped moving, seeming to freeze in mid air. My eyes widened as heavy tears streamed down my chin and onto the roll of cash. Time froze and everything moved in slow motion as I picked up the money. 10, 20, 40, 70, 100, 150, 180, 200, 220, 250. My mother came home drunk, beaten, and holding 250 dollars. The butterflies were still frozen. Their wings had suddenly been tampered with and my thoughts and rubbed off leaving my mind blank.

            When my brain finally began in motion again I went to the bathroom and got a hot, wet rag. Through my teary vision I found the cuts on her left arm and gently wiped the blood away. Rinsing it out I did the same to the right arm careful not to wake her. I then moved to her face, brushing her hair out of the way I wiped away the streams of red covering her face. My body shook as I held back my sobs. Each wipe I hoped would make all the cuts and bruises disappear. But they stayed.

            As I finished I looked at the white rag that had now grown completely red. I ran to the bathroom, tossed the rag in the sink, flipped up the toilet seat, and threw up.

Hey readers! Sorry this chapter is so short. I hope you liked it. Please keep reading! in the next few chapters if you hadn't already guessed what happened you'll learn why her mom came home like that. Sad right? Any way thanks for reading! Please vote and comment!

                                  - Marrah<3