For Emma

Chapter 11

Jeff swallowed loudly and I felt his hand clam up in mine, "Yeah, it has, Uncle Armando." His voice was shaky as the old man, Armando I guess, took a seat across from us.

A million things went through my head. Every journal entry I ever read titled my love. This was him; the man in many of Jeff's photos. I could see it in his sad eyes and tired expression. The way he carried himself like Annabeth's death was surrounding him in a dark cloud. He lost the one he loved and so did I. Really we weren't that different, so why am I so nervous to be around him?

"Who's your friend?"  Armando's attention turned to me as I held my breath.

"This is Emma, we met in school." Jeff nods towards me our hands still clutching each other's tightly as Armando's heavy eyes boring into us-particularly me-I flinch every time he blinked in my direction.

"Emma," he forces a smile, but it looked painful, "Mary has told me about you. I'm sorry to hear about your sister." Did he just say that? The guy whose wife killed herself feels sorry for me?

  Without thinking my eyes drift to the vase where Annabeth's picture is neatly hung. Armando and Jeff both follow my eyes to the black and white photo. I glance at Jeff's uncle who has silent tears filling his eyes, and I mentally kick myself. And I really want to kick myself when I see Jeff with tears falling from his eyes as well.

"I understand you lost your sister. I understand how it feels. Forgive me if I sound rude, but just know I understand." What? Maybe he was trying to be nice but I came here for Jeff, not group therapy. I turned away from Jeff and Armando and ran up the stairs for the front door.

Immediately I was met with bone chilling flakes of snow that pelted my skin like a million needles. I collapsed onto the ice ground cradling my face in my hands. In the drive way I could see the spot where my mom had parked, but her car was gone. Frozen tears poured into my hands as I lie shivering on the concrete. My bare shoulders shook violently. It's everywhere. The death that hangs over me like I am Sam's lifeless body. When Evan holds me like if he holds on tight enough Sam will come back, when Jeff kisses me I feel his loss for Annabeth enveloping us, when Armando spoke to me I saw what I look like every day. My eyes surrounded by dark circles, my cloths three sizes too big to hide my too skinny frame, and the sense of loss that reeks from around me like a pungent odder you can't ignore.

Something cloaks its self around me and I feel a blanket along with strong arms around me. "Shh, it's okay, Emma." Jeff whispers into my ear while cradling me in his arms as we sit on the cold, wet concrete.

I'm sobbing loudly getting his jacket wet with tears and snot. "I just can't do this anymore! Why can't I go one day-just one day-without wondering when Sam's coming back! But she's not... she's not!"

Jeff held me tighter allowing me to spread my salty tears all over his jacket. "Come on," Jeff pulls me up and back into the house.

***

Jeff comes over to the couch where I'm sitting with two mugs full of hot chocolate. "Thanks," I sniffle and shiver a little bit.

"Here, before you freeze to death." He hands me one of his hoodies. I slide it on; it's a little over sized but keeps me warm.

"Jeff," I look at him as he sits next to me his eyes on me the whole time, "I'm sorry I was rude to your uncle."   

 "Its fine you were upset he reminded you that you can't get Sam back. I understand."  I lean my head on his chest as he turned on the T.V and How the Grinch Stole Christmas flickered onto the screen.

"Jeff," I wait until Jeff's eyes lock onto mine and say, "thank you."

He leans towards me and lays his lips on mine forming a slow and deep kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Emily." Jeff whispers as pushes hair away from my face kissing me again.